To a new day

"Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no-one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.” ~Psalm 40:5

One this day last year, I was attending my dad's funeral. At least I think it was this day. I don't remember much from that week. I remember Scott had to wash my hair for me, I remember staring at the snow, I didn't eat, and I just tried not to think. This can't be me. I will wake up. Any second now. Then the new year began. A month later I found out I was pregnant with my beautiful little one. I was so shocked. I took 2 tests a week apart just to be sure. And the year rolled on.

This year has been hard in parts. Really hard. But it has been wonderful too. Like September 23 when my angel came into the world. Like every moment I got the chance to laugh with my family, smell my kids hair, celebrate birthdays, wake up to a warm house, and to new beginnings.

Ever since Thanksgiving this year I have been coming back to the thought of how blessed I am. It is crazy that I should be so lucky. I have a wonderful family. Children who are happy and healthy. Scott and I both have jobs that we love and let us feed our kids and heat our house. We are blessed. We were walking in Walmart the other day and Scott said "the next time I complain about something slap me. Some people in the world don't have drinking water and here my thought is whether I want lime or regular tea." And he is right. It would do me good to remember how blessed I am. That is the attitude I want to carry into the new year. One of thankfulness.

We never know what a new year may bring. Saying good bye or saying hello. Let's be thankful for today. And all the gifts we are given.

The flowers Scott got me after I had Bella. A rose for each child and the carnations from him. Carnations are my favorite...

Turning of a page

I have never been one for new year's resolutions. I am not sure if I have ever made one before. Everyone usually says the same thing. Lose weight, save money, be nicer.... But this year I think I may make some. A few actually.

First- lose weight. hahaha Yes. The number one resolution on everyone's list. But seriously, I had a baby 3 months ago. With this resolution comes the idea of eating better and exercising more. I am about 10 pounds away from my first goal. Which puts me 20 from my ultimate goal. Goodness, that is a lot of treadmill and Jillian Michael's sweat.

Second, save money. Really. Each pay check I am going to put something into the savings. Something.... Savings accounts lower stress for me!

Third, and this is my favorite- Keep It Simple! I am busy. Although I am sure we all can say the same. But someone asked me what I like to do. And I sat there and had to think and think. My world is so busy that I always have something I have to or should be doing. This year I want to simplify things. Say no more. Say yes more! Enjoy things more.

The turning of a page....

1 time a week..

Is what I seem to be averaging here. ARGH! I wanted to do this to journal life and such so I must start to do a better job!

On the exercising front. I have lost 5 pounds. Which may sound wonderful. 5 pounds in half a month. But I guess when you are looking at the big picture I feel like I should have lost more. Actually with all of the sweat (and tears) I feel like I should have lost at least 60!!! I can't imagine being a Bigg.est Los.er contestant and looking at hundreds of pounds! I am about 15 away from my goal. My first goal actually. I would like to lose another 10 after that for the summer. Ahhhh... Such a dreamer.

I have been doing ok on the exercising part. I do the shred everyday and about every other day or more in the tread. But the eating. I am so terrible at this part. My friend gave me a low carb thing but I can't do that. I don't know what to pack and eat for lunch. Those diet shakes make me sick. I have to work on it!

Will is sick. HE has been running a fever and throwing up for 2 days. An ER trip may be in the works. Rachel has started a Christmas list. She wants two of everything. Luke is doing quite well on the potty training. Mostly no accidents at home. Have not even thought about underwear outside! Bella is growing like a weed. She is seriously huge! Such a baby doll!

School is going wonderful! I am loving kindergarten. The kids are funny and you just have to have a sense of humor. I am loving what I am doing right now. I kind of let decorating my room go for Thanksgiving since I was on leave (although we have lots of scarecrows)! But for Christmas I want it to be exciting for them. I will put up my tree the day before we leave I think.

I am off to look up some recipes for lunch/dinner. I need some help!

who likes to run?

Once upon a time there was a young girl. She liked to eat. And what she didn't like to do was exercise. And that young girl gained weight- lots of it. And one day when she tried to squeeze into her fat jeans...she snapped. And that young girl, my friends, was me.

hahaha Seriously. This was sometime in high school and snap I did. I began to exercise in my room. I began to take long (3-6 mile) walks. I rode an exercise bike. And I stopped eating. Well, almost totally stopped eating. I was very unhealthy. I dropped about 30 pounds. People said I looked good. Which I was happy about. I felt horrible. But I remember the day I fit into a pair of shorts I hadn't worn for at least 2 years. I was so happy. Eventually I came to my senses and started to eat again. Much to the joy of my mother.

Fast forward a few (ahem) years. Since being married I have put on weight. Quite a bit actually. I don't really think it has much to do with the whole married part as much as the having 4 kids in 5 years part. And now I am ready to lose the weight. Well, not sure about how much weight we are talking about...but I have begun.

And I have found out ...excersice....I still hate it. But I made a commitment that I would start the 30 ...d.ay sh.red on November 1st. So I am on level 1. It is hard. It is kicking my butt. I wake up in the morning and think- I have to do that video....ugh!! But I am doing it. And sweating. And dying! But losing. I am thinking and dreaming too. Maybe I can do this??

I have also added the treadmill into my day just because I like the pain. I started off with 10 min. Hey, no laughing!! Then I have moved (on day 6 no less) to 20 min. I fast walk for 2 min and then run for 1.

I have watched what I eat but haven't been focusing on that this week. I am going to try better to do that next week. I am def. drinking more water and only dt. tea when I can't stand it. We will see how it goes. Maybe I could start to like it? Nah...but perhaps I will fit into my shorts again.

Ahhh.. November

So...long time no talk .. 2 posts since my Bella was born. Well, you know how that goes.

But now we have entered November and my little one is almost 6 weeks old. I am quite a fan of November. First, Thanksgiving is my 2nd favorite holiday. Reminds us to be thankful AND I get to eat! love, love it! It also has the feel of the holidays but without all of the stress. BTW, my favorite holiday is Easter.

Today also marks the start of operation "Get in Shape." hahaha I borrowed my sisters 30 day shred DVD and oh my gosh! It kicked my butt today! I didn't think I would make it. I hope it (I) get better. 30 day shred=30 days in November. Try and shed some of this weight before Christmas. I also had Scott set up my treadmill, however, I am not sure when I will fit that in too. I am going to try really hard to do my best this month. Yes, I am keeping notes..

AND I go back to work this week. I have missed working because I love my job. However, I can't deny the sadness for missing my babies. BUT I go back on a Thursday and we only have 4 days next week. And soon Thanksgiving break and Christmas break will be here. I am nervous! Feels like the first day of school!

Tonight we are going to a costume party. Time to get everyone ready! Perhaps I can post pics later!

stop please

Even in my lack of sleep induced haze..(She still is my sweetheart though)...even I can see the passage of time. Scott is going to and from work and I think there was that trip to church which means a week has passed somewhere in there?? Nickelodeon keeps playing different shows so I guess time is going somewhere??

However, my sweet Belle- Bella- Bella boo (trying out the nicknames on her) turned two weeks old. I was sitting on bed holding her when I declared to my husband that Bella is getting bigger. He turned to me and said "what are you taking about? She is a peanut?" "Yes, but her cheeks look fuller and she doesn't have the old man circle of hair anymore. Her hair up top is coming in. See!?!?" I said as I thrust the baby at him. "yep" he says. "And she is getting bigger," I cry. "That is what they do Theresa." Now, I must say that my husband usually is quite good with words. He can be quite quite persuasive. However, SOMETIMES he sounds like an idiot to me.

So now (cue post pardum hormones) I am crying. But I don't want her to get big. She is my baby. She is already changing. Luke is now potty training (himself by the way), Rachel is coloring in the lines and trying to read. And Will is in Kindergarten!! I don't....want...her....to...get...big. Husband again looks at me as if I grew another head.

I know she has to grow. Today she talked to me. Well, not really talked as my sister will point out, but she made noises while looking at me. And she smiled. And I teared up. Cause I know she will grow. Someday I will have two little girls clamoring for me to paint their nails. Putting another little one on the bus. But does it have to come so quickly. One day Rachel was trying to talk to "baby Bella" through my shirt and the next day I am looking back on all these memories.

Sigh......my babies are getting bigger.

Isabella Noel

My angel....she is perfect.
Born on Wednesday September 23, 2009
8:20 pm
6lb 15 oz 19 1/2 inches long
Couldn't be more beautiful

birth story to come....

as we wait

So....still nothing going on. Now, I am getting frustrated. My due date is this Thursday. At my appointment tomorrow I know the dr is going to schedule to see me in a week. Which will be the 28th. Past my date. Already I am going to ask him what the plan may be for the 28th. I know I am not into induction-pitocin=hell BUT I will be on maternity leave from work. What a way to waste good days!

I don't know how I will get through my day tomorrow. I will want to know what is going on??? Did I make ANY progress?? Give me some good news..like hey you are like a 5- why don't you get over to that hopsital?? haha

And last night I was up in the middle of the night with a sore throat and now my ears are acting up. So I am drinking hot tea and it seems to be helping. A cold on top of everything else. I know I am complaining. I just feel yucky.

In other non-pregnancy related news (as if I can focus on anything else!)-

Work- is going really well. I am LIKING kindergarten. I have a great great group this year. And I sing with them, every morning. And we painted with a marshmallow- and I made up a poem- and put them in the hall. I know- I am quite the k-teacher!! But truly the improvement I see in them already is amazing. Kids are holding scissors and pencils correctly. They are getting the letters and sounds. I think I am getting why people like to teach kindergarten.

Scott- same old, same old. work, work. However, he bought us tickets to go see Brad Pai*sley next month. He has 3 days saved for when baby decides to come. He can't wait to use them!

The kids just got over a terrible bronchitis. Hit Will pretty bad. He had to miss 2 days of school. But they seem to be over it.

Will- Mornings are rough. He is not liking this all day for 5 days. He does love his friends there and his teacher says once he gets going he is fine. He comes home singing the songs and we are going over his stuff. He is loving soccer once again. He got some goals and does a great job at defense. He smiles the whole time!

Rachel- started dance and LOVES it. And she looks like a natural to me. She practices at home!! Up on her "tippy toes" and twirling. She looks so sweet all dressed up! She seems to be loving her 2 days of "school." I have to call and try to get her into a more full time thing next year. I really see that pre-school helps so much!

Luke- started to climb up the wrong side of our stair case- almost causing mommy to have a heart attack. He is always covered in bruises! He runs everywhere and AT everything. He always is saying "I am tough." Well, he sure is! I have done potty training off and on but really now is not the time.

And perhaps soon, I will have pics of our newest little Isabella...soon...

here

I am here. Still. This week is my last week of work. I officially start maternity leave on the 28th baby or not. My due date is the 24th. I was 2 cm last Monday. I have no signs of labor. I have an another appointment on Monday. How am I doing? don't ask....

Patience

patience...I have zero.

I am a very determined person. I make lists. I have things to do. And when I have a project I get it done. I like getting things DONE.

So with this pregnancy thing I am at a loss. The diaper bag and my hospital bag are packed. Diapers bought, clothes washed and hanging, and two weeks of lesson plans are written and waiting on my desk at school.

And...here...I...wait. I have already pasted the date when I delivered Luke. My early guy. 37 weeks. Will was born only 9 days early and Rachel almost a full two weeks. I know there are no guarantees but I thought...hoped...this little girl would follow suit. Now as I was talking (whining and complaining) to one of my bestest friends this week, she said to me..you know you are not even at your due date yet. This being the same friend that when I was talking (whining and complaining) about losing weight after the baby offered to let me borrow her "baby boot camp" DVDs. I love her but seriously? I need to reevaluate this friendship! hahaha..

But she is right. As always. I am not there yet. And this little girl could be totally different. She could (oh heavens..) be late. She could perhaps have an October birthday. And really as long as she arrives safe and sound I should be so happy.

But oh the wait. Tomorrow is an OB appointment. I would be lying if I said I will be heartbroken if I am at nothing. So disappointed. But soon she will be here. Soon.

wet

All three of my kids have bronchitis. Will has asthma and almost was in the hospital over this one. The last couple of nights I have had NO SLEEP. I listened to Will breath, the next night I listened to Rachel. They sound like they have been running...and they are fast asleep. Last night I fell asleep when the 8 was the first number. I was so tired. But of course Will and Rachel climbed in bed. So I tossed and turned. At 7 a.m. Rachel reached up and knocked my glass of water right over top of my head. I wake up screaming "oh my gosh!" Husband does not move! Doesn't even crack his eye lids. If your 38 week preg. wife is saying oh my gosh and jumping out of bed...don't you think you should check. He SAYS he didn't hear anything!

School is busy...I am huge...nothing else to report. My doctor was on vacation this week so no appointment. I have one on Monday. Hopefully some good news. Other than that I think I better catch up on the weeks mess I just left go. Maybe that will kick something up!

You know that old saying...

...about when you have a child it is like your heart walking around outside of your body??Well, it may be old and cliche, but holy smokes on the first day of Kindergarten is it true! Here he is. My baby. 5 years old with a backpack on. New sneakers on and his BUS tag attached to the back??

I thought I was good. I thought I would be excited for him. I got up early and began to get myself ready for work. And I started to cry. At first I tried not to. But then I just sat down and cried. and cried. Then I had to get Will up. I wiped my eyes and went to get him dressed for his first day of school. Scott woke up to. He teased me about taking so many pictures. I combed Will's hair and noticed how bad it needs trimmed. Then we all 3 headed out the door.

Walking down the sidewalk. My heart was throbbing. Don't cry was all I could think. If you cry, he is going to cry. We stood at the bus stop and made Will laugh. He was nervous about getting on. Then he saw a K-friend he had played tee-ball with. He was happy about that.

Then the big yellow bus pulled up. Funny how I never noticed before how huge and intimidating the bus is. We kissed him. Told him we loved him. And he got on the bus. He smiled and waved. We smiled and waved.

The bus drove off and we turned to walk back to the house. And I lost it. Cried and cried. Scott looked at me and said "what the heck is wrong with you?" "My baby just got on a bus!" He.....laughed. "He will be fine." I know that. I know he will have fun and learn and play. But it doesn't make this part any easier. The part where I realize that really he isn't ALL mine. He will grow up. He has his own thoughts and feelings. Each day I am needed a little differently than I was the day before. He gets older and my role is changing. Ever so slightly, but enough for me to take notice. This is the part where entrusting him to God's care is real. I pray and know that God will have his hand even when I cannot. And because I believe that it makes this part a little easier. A little sweeter knowing that His eye is always upon my William. But he will always be my baby....as I will tell him on his high school graduation....in front of all his friends....

K- fun

no I didn't have time to up load my pics. And as soon as "icarley" wraps up it is bed time. So perhaps tomorrow. I did however get to walmart and have my hospital bag almost packed...in case anyone wants to make an appearance. But here is some K-fun for ya all.

Kindergartner "Mrs. Demi, what is wrong with your belly?" Mrs. Demi- " I am having a baby." Kindergartner- "Oh, why did you want to do that?" 2nd Kindergartner "Your belly gets bigger every single day!" ... Mrs. Demi "okay let's talk about the letter D."


Mrs. Demi- "Child's name, honey you REALLY need to stop throwing yourself into the wall. You are going to get hurt." Boy Kindergartner "I'll be ok." Another K student "Mrs. Demi, the reason I didn't hear you was because my ears are too small. Didn't you see the size of my ears?"

still kicking..

All of us. ALL of us are still here. I need to post Will's first day of kindergarten pics. And stories of my first week teaching K-garten. BUT I am bone weary tired. Perhaps this weekend. I am afraid I am doing all I can to keep myself up right.

You would think I could get this?

First off, work has been crazy. I thought since this was my 2nd year, things would be a little easier. And although I am not as stressed, I am still crazy busy. I have been passing out with headaches and sore feet! Tomorrow night I have K- orientation so I will not be home til after 8!! And then Will's orientation is Friday morning. ARGH! Morning. Well, Saturday I am sleeping in! ;) I am enjoying prepping for kindergarten. I think this is going to be a really good year!

Now, on to the "you think I would get this?" This is my 4th child. That means I went through labor 3 times. I prepared for a baby 3 times. I brought home an infant 3 times. So why do I feel like I haven't the slightest idea what I am doing? I know some of it can be attributed to exhaustion but still? On Monday I started to get a lot of back pressure. And since the last 3 times I only had back labor and I was early, I started to get a little nervous when it was quite frequent. Then Tuesday and Wednesday it was still just coming and going. So when I remembered that I don't have a car seat, I was a little panicked.

I ordered one on-line tonight. So baby can't come until the 1st-4th. That is when the seat is due to arrive. And I think I may pack my bag this weekend. Just in case. Everyone asks me, do you need anything. To which I reply..uummmm...I don't know. Just like when they ask me if I need anything at school? uummm I don't know? I know I need a cuddle-u. Mine has been destroyed. I got a bag of infant diapers. Tons of size one. I got the feeding her and cleaning her stuff. So....?? Not sure what else.

I looked over at my camera tonight and thought, hope I remember that! Goodness!

Here it comes!

Not the baby. Although, soon and very soon. My counter on the side says watch your body for labor signs! ha ha. Nothing like making me crazier. And the one at the bottom says 32 days to go. AND that is without going early. And although I have gone early with all 3 other little ones...I am feeling like perhaps I will not be early with this one?? Although in the back of my mind I am still hoping. I think i am just trying to not be disappointed if baby doesn't arrive in two weeks like her brother did!


Where was I?....oh yeah..work. Now, I have social anxiety. I hate groups of people. I hate trying to talk to people I don't know. I would like the walls to swallow me up. With that being said, I hate the week of in-service. Lots of people. Everywhere. I like being in my nice little classroom, with my nice (ahem) little students. Not large groups of adults. Especially when they go, is this your first baby. Um, no my fourth. FOURTH!!! Holy Cow (Don't you know how to prevent that?, I could never do that?, and you don't stay home?, why do you have so many kids?, is that a religious thing?, Is it your husband who wants so many?, You are done now right?, I can't imagine your grocery bill!) BUT my personal favorite was when one teacher, God bless her soul I really love her, said "Do you have someone come in to help you?" I looked at her and seriously said "I don't know what you mean?" She said "Does someone come into your house and help with all the kids?" God love her.

Although I am sad to see the summer leave (esp since she just decided to show up!) I am ready to go back to work. For about 2-5 weeks, til Bella arrives. I do honestly love my job. I love teaching kids. I will miss my little guys when I am at work though. And chores start to pile up. But back to work I go!

Pizza tonight!

First, my counter says 35 days to go until my due date...hhhmmmm....

Second, I went grocery shopping today. I hate grocery shopping. But I went and spent so very much money. I had to buy stuff for my lunch next week. I ....am.....going....back...to....work. SIGH I apparently also bought a whole bunch of other junk. And what am I making for dinner?? A phone call. We are having pizza...and wings!

Scott took Will to soccer practice and I am tired. I looked and looked for something to make and came up empty handed. Crazy. I have to make a menu. It makes life so much easier. And I have been thinking about meals...as my due date is only 35 days away.

I have considered making stuff and freezing it. Although that thought never really has appealed to me. And I am tired now...I know I will be tired later too, but I just don't feel like looking up recipes that freeze well and making them...and everything else....Especially since I am ...going...back...to...work. We will probably eat a lot of pizza. Which works out fine for the men in my life.

I am excited to go back to work. I love my job. I guess I just imagine how I feel now, and tack another 8 hour job. Little overwhelming.

I am a wonderful mother

I could be serving my children cereal for dinner or PB and J BUT I am making chicken and shredded cheesy potatoes. And because it is just me and them (Scott on night shift) this is totally for them. Because they need a nice hot dinner. It has nothing to do with the fact that I am DYING to eat Scott's hot sauce with chicken. And I am craving some potatoes. It is because I am a great mother.

And because I am such a wonderful mother and very concerned that my children get enough rest, they will all be going to bed early tonight. Nice and tucked in, with milk, at a solid 8-8:15 ish. It is certainly not because I am exhausted and am going to curl up in my bedroom with a book and the air conditioner. No sirree. They need their rest.

And because I am so wise I know that the last thing my children need is empty calories that ice cream contains. So since there is only enough ice cream left in the house for one, I shall make the sacrifice and finish it when children are in bed and I am in the air conditioner. Oh, yes I am one of the best.

Wonder if my plan shall succeed, or I will find myself in bed at 10 o'clock with a toddler hogging my bed watching nick on demand with an ice cream hangover??

ps Dr appointment at 34 weeks went well. Other than the fact that I had to sit in the office for an hour and a half. He was delivering a baby. What ya gonna do? How can 6 weeks seem so close yet so far away??

looking good!

I had my 3rd ultra sound today! Not really sure what the dr. was looking for but the ultra sound person said she is measuring right on. He head is down. She was sucking her thumb and hick-uping! She said "wow, she already has chubby cheeks." I have an appointment on Monday where my dr will get the results.

I tried AGAIN to make beef stew in the crock pot. I am thinking I am never doing this again. Every time I do it, it is horrible. I think I give up!

snowing...

I had a good friend once tell me "trying to clean a house while the children are growing, is like trying to shovel the driveway while it is still snowing." Which is a fantastic metaphor! I can just picture it! And it is so true! How ever it doesn't really make me feel any better as I look about my house.

Many, many times I have been told "I don't know how you do it all." And I tell them "not very well." Which I feel is so true. I am very busy. But, yes we all are busy in our own ways and no one needs to hear that. I guess being off this summer has helped somewhat. I have kept up fairly well with the household stuff. And by fairly well, I mean we have had clean clothes to wear and food to eat. - Even if that one time my mom had to run over a couple of boxes of mac and cheese!


But now the true fun will begin again. I start back to work in a week and a half.I have always said "in my next life I am coming back as a man." I do not doubt my husband works hard. But I carry way more responsibility that him. I am responsible for the house, the kids, the bills, the insurance....and more. My husband once told me about this book he was reading (aka listening to on tape). It compared our brains to a computer. Men have one program open. If you try to talk to them about ANYTHING else, they must shut down the program they are on, and open up the other program. In other words, one window at a time. Woman of course are different. We can have windows littering our screens. We flow from program to program with ease and often time connect them. I was stunned that Scott can only hold one thing at a time. He was stunned that I am ALWAYS operating at least 5 programs- even while trying to sleep.


So as he is thinking about 1. painting the kids room. I am thinking about dinner, about my classroom, about where I can get a baby car seat, can we fix the kids dressers, the van stinks and needs cleaned, my ultra sound on Thursday, my behavior plan at work....and the list goes on.

Which is one reason why when Scott broke his tooth and was complaining I told HIM to call the dentist. I was going to make him an appointment months ago and he wouldn't go-no time. And he said "well, if you would have just made me the appointment I would have gone." And I burst into tears. Granted I know he was just kidding. He was laughing. But I told him, I am responsible for so much. I can not also be responsible for your teeth!In a couple of weeks I go back to work. To teach kindergarten. In a couple of weeks, my baby starts kindergarten. In a couple of weeks I will give birth to baby #4. It is more than a little overwhelming and daunting.

Monday Review

1. I am in my 33rd week of pregnancy..which means I am to the point where I am thinking "how can I possibly still be pregnant?" and " Oh no, it is coming"

2. Started work on my classroom...holy smokes....overwhelmed

3. Today...the day where I was in my no air conditioning classroom....is the day where it decided to be as hot as the blazing sun

4. Hot as the blazing sun results in feet and hands so swollen that it hurts

5. I am hungry for a snack that once again I don't have

6. How do I always spend SO much at the grocery store and yet not have the snack I want??

Fudge

When we went to the beach, there was this magical place called "candy kitchen." Magical I tell you. I wanted fudge. I LOVE fudge. Especially the peanut butter variety. I could eat lots and lots of it. And since I was on vacation, I asked Scott to buy me some at "candy kitchen." And it was very very expensive. But oh the fudge....

When we were leaving I had to get some for the road. He went into the pink beautiful place and since my sisters were sitting with the kids, I followed. I quickly had to leave. The candy was too much for me. Chocolate covered pretzels. Chocolate covered EVERYTHING. But very very expensive. Isn't that always the way...

So I took my fudge and went home. When I was a kid and went trick or treating, I could make my candy last til Christmas. I am good at that. Rationing things and savoring every bite. Alas, I only did get a pound (that was almost a car payment...OK not really). I need more fudge. And since I am pretty sure Scott isn't going on a 7 hour road trip to bring me back some treat from candy kitchen...hhhmmmm....I must make some myself. But I don't have a recipe. And I suppose I could get one from the net but you never know with that stuff.

If any of you have a good (and pretty easy) fudge (preferably peanutbutter) recipe, I would greatly appreciate an e mail. Just write fudge in the address line. Thanks! xoxoxox

overload

The spring of 2003 was a busy time for me. I was student teaching, planning a youth trip to a weekend retreat, and I was getting married. I was a bit busy. BUT I was the thinnest I have ever been. Stress does that too me!

I just always seem to take on more than is humanly necessary. Now, I am 3 weeks out from the start of school. About 7 from a due date.( don't even get me started that Luke was born in about 4). My to-do list keeps getting LONGER as I remember stuff I need to add. And this is not stupid far out things like stain the porch (although that does need done.) This is like BUY a car seat. Set up your classroom. Pull down the baby clothes. Find a dresser to put baby clothes in!

I have three to do lists going now. One for school. One for baby. And one for the oldest starting kindergarten. PLUS I am almost 33 weeks. Which mean I am stinking tired....which would probably explain why I snapped when my dear husband started to complain (as I was calling about getting our daughter into dance and writing out another to do thing as the phone was ringing) that we were OUT of tea. And he thought I was getting it last night? And he has nothing to drink. And water makes him gag. and..... death stare. Well, call the president!

I just I am just tired. and stressed. And darn, I am pregnant so I don't even get to lose any weight on the deal!

Da Beeeeeech

The first time I ever went to the beach I was with my best friend at the ripe old age of 13. I was over the moon excited. Now, what I failed to take into consideration is that I am about as neon white red-headed Irish as you can get. Which means when this friend was pouring baby oil on herself, I should have been swimming in SPF 110. BUT being 13 I didn't even think of it and fell asleep on the beach. Which resulted in a trip to the hospital, blisters everywhere the sun had graced my body, and almost an admittance to this fine place. BUT I promised to drink lots of Gatorade and stay under the umbrella. Which ended up being pretty easy as I was wrapped in a blanket, freezing due to all the damage to my skin. Did I mention I also ripped my one contact on that trip.

But believe it or not, I STILL fell in love with the beach. The water and waves were beautiful. It felt so good to have the wind hit me. It quickly became my favorite place. And before I even was pregnant I decided that we were going to the beach this summer! And to the beach we went. When I was 31 weeks pregnant...hhhmmmm.....

The trip down was a LONG one. Did I mention our air conditioner was broken?? And Scott had to stay 2 extra hours at work so we had a late start. So we got there about 12:15 A.M. Which meant I passed out as soon as we were in the door! But we got up early the next day and headed to the beach. After of course I lathered my very white, red-headed, Irish children up with sunscreen!

Will and Rachel loved the water. The first day I couldn't (or wouldn't let Scott) let go of their hands. The next day I pulled a chair up to the edge of the water where they had to be close. So I got better. Luke on the other hand, hated the water. Which is fine with me. My boy is hard enough to keep track of on dry land. So he hung out playing in the sand all day. He had a blast doing that!

Everyday this was our late morning- afternoon trip. Wake up, eat, cover in sun screen, and head to the beach. Which sounds so easy in theory. Except, when we walked out our door it was like the surface of the sun. Especially since the sun has been on strike here in PA for most of the summer. But once we had carried toys, drinks, chairs, towel, and 3 screaming kids to the actual beach...it was smooth sailing. Until it was time to convince William out of the water!

One night we went out to eat at this amazing place called JR's. Another night was the boardwalk. One night I stayed home with #2 and 3 and they went to a souvenir shop. And before we knew it, it was time to go home. And I was ready! I was getting a little tired of scrubbing sand out of children's hair and other places. I was feeling huge and hot. And I was ready to be home!

But when we left Rachel asked when we could go back and it was nice to say next year I am sure!

So I lied...

I didn't get my vacation post written...but I do have a funny.

I was suppose to teach 2nd grade this year. Which I was VERY excited about. But things have changed and I will be teaching K-garten. I have been very nervous about this. Today Scott comes out of the bathroom and says "So I was brushing my teeth and thinking about it and you are going to have a room full of Williams." "Yes I am." "Wow" he said and walked back into the bathroom. Didn't really boost my confidence!

Vacation?!?!?

I could post some pics. And I will. But I am tired. I know, I know. I have said it before. But seriously this "vacation" kicked my butt!! Who said the beach with a 5, 3, and 2 year old and me 31 weeks preg would be a good idea?? But the kids had a blast. And since Scott has been home we painted a bit. He is going on night shift so I am sure I will have plenty of time to catch up!

And we are off.......

No Monday Review because I will not be here..I will be at the beach this evening (supposedly...I still have lots of packing to do!)

For the past couple of days I could not sleep due to all of the THINKING about all I had to do to get ready for this trip. I would wake up at 3:30 with Scott and then not go back to bed until after 6 and then was up with Luke. Now, perhaps it would have helped if I would have done something productive during those hours, but I couldn't convince myself to pack so I read, watched tv, played on Face*book. And yesterday I started to pack. Which was every bit as daunting as I thought it would be! So much stuff. So much responsibility.

And here I sit. I have to eat, shower, and continue packing. Scott says he will be home in 3 or so hours. And I should have most of this done. I am getting so riled up I have to keep reminding myself, this is a vacation. You will have fun. R-E-L-A-X. And hopefully once we are there I will. I woke up this morning with fingers and toes swollen. Probably from being on my feet all day yesterday.

So I am off...to get something done...and hopefully to have a really nice time after that!

Again

Things are really just repeating around here...I am tired. Very tired. And it is because I am not sleeping. I was up last night from 3:30 to about 6 and then slept just a bit longer. And I didn't go to bed until after 12 last night. So combine that with the whole 31 weeks pregnant and we have tired.

And this is the party weekend. We had Luke's birthday party yesterday. The rain held off and we had a good time. I will have to post some pics later cause my camera battery is driving me crazy. But Luke was thrilled with all of the spiderman things. Tonight is Faith's 7th birthday party. The kids are very excited. And Scott is on day shift so we will meet him there. Once he arrives I am going to dash over to the store to pick up stuff to make for the church picnic. Then come home and make it!

Tomorrow I wake up and lug the three kids to the picnic and then to my mom's for my brothers homecoming party. And we are to leave for the beach on Monday afternoon. I have nothing packed. A list of things to buy....no time. I keep telling myself if I can make it to Monday I will have a few days at the beach. Why is it on days where I really need a nap Scott is working??

Praying for The Mikels family

Here is the blog. I put a button on my blog. Momma is in the hospital for the long haul. I can't even imagine. Praying for a miracle.

Finish the....

sentence. cause nothing really exciting is going on. Luke's party is tomorrow. And Beach on Monday...but I have been tired and wiped out. SO I figured I would play along with this



Maybe I should...: start thinking about packing for our week long beach trip that we leave for in 4 days

I love...: rainy days

People would say that I'm...: determined

I don't understand...: why garbage day is so hard to remember

When I wake up in the morning...: i go to get Luke (always the reason I am up early!)

Life is full of...: ups and downs

My past is...: the way it should be

Parties are...: too few

I wish...: I was sleeping!

Tomorrow...: I will be having my baby's 2nd birthday party

I have low tolerance...: for selfish people

I am totally terrified of...: people I love dying

If I had a million dollars...: probably put it in the bank knowing me...ya never know!

I am...: sleepy

My home is...: in need of a paint job

My parents taught me...: to be responsible

Every day...: I laugh and smile and think about how blessed I am

My life...: is my family

The best invention ever...: dishwasher

I love it when...: I get to sleep in!!!

Sometimes I...: pretend I didn't hear you

God...: is eternal

My first thought waking up...: tired..oh so tired

Primer

When we first saw this place which was to become "our house," I hated it. I thought they want that much for THAT house. But Scott was really excited about it so when made an appointment to do a walk through. The porch looked like a creepy old horror movie. Seriously. We walked inside. The only plus I could come up with was that it was big. 4 bedrooms on the second floor and a redone attic with 2 nice big rooms. Oh, wait- there were 2 bathrooms. plus!

But I certainly wasn't sold. Finally we had seen a trillion houses and Scott always came back to this one. The one with the nightmare porch? The one with the horrible floors? And don't even get me started on the kitchen. But finally I gave in, and we were the proud owners of our "new" house.

Soon we will have lived here 2 years. We are almost done with the porch and the flooring has been redone. Things here and there. But the thing that has been the worst- and if you saw our porch this is saying something- was the bedrooms' wall paint. It is horrible! In Luke's room it is a horrible powder purple. Rachel and Will's room has 3 light blue walls and ONE dark blue. Our room is a terrible dark greenish. AND the best one is the playroom that is uneven pink and white stripes. The horror.

And now with our Baby Bella on the way, I decided it was time to rearrange. And in order to shuffle the kids around, PAINTING must get done. Because Bella's room (formally Luke's) will be pink. And Luke's room (formally #1 and 2's room) will have walls that all have the same color. And Will and Rachel's room will not have pink stripes. Thank-you very much. Our room will have to come later....

So when we painted the downstairs (you don't want to know), my husband introduced me to primer. I assumed you pick a color and paint. Oh no, the home depot worker explained. Must primer first. So through out downstairs adventure I discovered 2 things. I can do primer. I can not do the main paint. It is bad. Really bad.

We moved upstairs, I began to work on getting all of the rooms primed. And I love it. I love painting over all of the horrible color. The messy lines. And when I am done I am looking at a nice white wall. Ready for whatever I want it to be.

I wish we had life primer. By one gallon and apply evenly. Coat all of our mistakes. Get to start over. A fresh slate whenever you need it. No past mistakes or consequences. Just a white wall to do whatever you want with it.

Monday Review

1. Drs. appointment went well. I am 30 weeks. I had a different nurse who did the weight so fast I couldn't see it. I think I didn't gain any. Yeah me. See ya in 2 weeks. Alrighty then.

2. When taking your children to the park requires hoodies, socks and shoes, and still chattering of the teeth on JULY FLIPPIN' 20TH I believe you are living in the wrong climate.

3. Chicken salad sandwich makes a good snack.

4. Bags of books from SIL is a wonderful thing. I just finished one and am giddy about picking another one! Oh I love to read.

5. Unless aliens take over the planet (or I am tired) tomorrow I will begin to primer the last kids room. Then we can paint!

6. It is 8:30 and I am beyond ready for bed. I took a nap yesterday and I felt like I could fall asleep all day. Uh-oh. 3rd tri setting in!

Lucas Scott

My boy. You turn two today. Two?? I have said to some "when did he turn one?" A boy full of life and mischief. A boy who much rather who suffer the consequences than listen to his mother. A little boy who finally gave us our big brown eyes and his double dimpled cheek. My boy who has to dump cereal all over the floor to find the piece he wants or wants to see if this really will flush. My sweet boy who curls into my lap at night and who always has to ask "what hapeen?" if you are crying. My little morning alarm clock. The joy you bring could never be predicted. We are blessed by your laugh and love. We love you.

Grief

Grief. It sneaks up on you. Little things trigger it. An unwelcomed dream. A question you would have asked. Future plans or past memories.

I don't know how other people deal with grief. I push on. I move. I don't think. I know some say that you should face it head on. Deal with it. I can't. I skirt around it. It comes up fast but I push it back. My mind wonders and quickly I change the subject. Sometimes I try to force myself to think about it. To test it. To see if it still hurts as bad. And even when I am just peeking over the edge- it hurts. I can't look at it. I would shatter.

When the ..stuff..floods your shower

Today was grocery shopping day. I am not a fan. Not only am I not a fan in general of shopping but definitely not grocery shopping. I always spend so much money and come back not knowing what I bought or what I should make. Yes, I know I SHOULD make a menu, a plan and then stick to it. But when we are out of crack-up soup and down to our last gallon of milk (again), it is time to suck it up and go. Thankfully my mom offered to watch 1,2, and 3 so I could go. By the time I finished shopping (one woman said to me, "I don't envy you putting all that away"), picked up the kids, got home and put EVERYTHING away, my feet were killing me. I decided to make stuffed shells because I thought ordering a pizza when I just spent gobs of cash on groceries probably wasn't very classy. go me.

When Scott is on day shift I LOVE to see the truck pull up. Because the children RUN to him. They are so excited to see him and leave me alone. *cough, cough* Plus, I have dinner and he really does pitch in at night. He loves to play with them, and he puts them to bed. It is a nice little deal. Tonight with my feet aching I was especially thrilled. All I wanted to do was eat, take a nice shower, and crawl into bed. SO............ we finished dinner and Scott was going out to mow the grass, first he was helping me clear the table. He was rinsing plates and running the garbage disposal when both side of the sink filled with horrible nasty garbage/stink nasty stuff. Great. Scott gets to work on plunging in, and draino-ing it. I go to the bathroom and gasp. The shower is now filling with stank nasty stuff. Smelly, yucky, can't even tell you STUFF. I call for Scott. He is not happy. He goes to the basement. He is even more unhappy. Seems we have a back-up there too. After a couple of hours with a shovel and some words later, he announces that he needs a shower and we have to order a new dumpster.

Just when you think a nice quiet night, the stuff backs up the garbage disposal.

the zoo, the zoo

In my quest for the "greatest summer ever" we decided to go to the zoo. Which in theory sounded like a great idea! Except the night before William came down with a fever. He said his brain threw-up which I am taking it means he has a headache?? We waited to see what morning would bring. Well, he woke up fever free and I asked him how he was feeling. "Great!" he said. So we packed up and set off for the zoo with my sister and mom too.

The ride wasn't too bad. And as soon as we got there Will said "Look at all these humans!" Why he will not use the word "people" and still "humans" is beyond me. We had a really nice day looking at the animals. Luke was fascinated. He never wanted to leave one place to check out another. Poor Will though. He started to feel not so good. He laid down in the wagon. His fever went up. And it went down hill from there. After a good couple of hours at the zoo we were ready to head home. And many had it gotten HOT! And since my air conditioner is broken, this was not good news. I felt like I was having trouble breathing, I started swelling, and poor Will was moaning in the backseat.

When we got home, I gave him Tylenol and he felt better. He ate some soup, which was the first thing he ate all day. We had chinese food!

Now, Scott is dayshift for 3 days. SO what to fill my day with?? I have so much to do at home. We must fix up the playroom because it is becoming Will and rachel's room. There is always the laundry and everyday stuff. And there is this horid smell coming from my livingroom...I don't even want to go there!

Monday Review

1. I am 29 weeks and will turn the ripe old age of 29 at the end of the week...

2. Apparently my not sleeping is not because of Scott not being here...although it helps. I couldn't sleep last night either...hhhmmmm...anyone have any sleep inducing remedies??

3. Pregnant women go through A LOT of toilet paper.

That is all....it was a slow day

scared of the dark

I have never been a fan of scary things. I never watched scary movies as a kid (if I could get out of it.) I never went into haunted houses. I hated Halloween. I am not a fan of the "adrenaline rush" that people say it gives them. Give me a nice romantic comedy thank-you very much.

But despite me always avoiding scary things, I was always afraid of the dark. My brother and I had the battle of the nightlight for years. He insisted he couldn't sleep when it was on and I called him a big fat liar and wanted it on. We would fall asleep with it on. He would wake up and turn it off. I would wake up and freak out and turn it back on. This dance would go on throughout the night. Brat.

However, as I got older, I pretty much conquered that fear. I now sleep with the light off. That is when Scott is home. And Scott being home every night was never a problem. Until he started his new job. Now he does (at least) 7 night shifts every 28 days. And at times, being afraid of the dark is a problem. What am I afraid of?? Someone breaking in?? The bogeyman?? My old, creaking house?? I don't know.

But what I do know is that I was up last night at 2:30 and couldn't go back to sleep. My house was making noises and I came downstairs to make sure the door is locked. Again. I turned on all of the lights. I got on the computer and piddled around. I went up to bed where two of my little cherubs were sleeping. And I waited for morning. I didn't go back to bed until 6 a.m. And then I was up when Luke got up. Man, I am so very very tired. I have to get a handle on this night shift thing. I guess soon though I will have Bella to keep me company.

Today I had to skip church. My eyes were all puffy and my huge body was slow going. I kind-of just sat around. I should have painted but I just couldn't. This should be a busy week. Tomorrow I may go out to the school and pick up some stuff. I really need to go grocery shopping. Tuesday we are going to the zoo!!! Then we have the upstairs to paint and porch to finish. And this weekend is the Family reunion. AND.....my birthday! and Sunday is Luke's birthday.

But for now, I am going to curl up in a ball and sleep....

VBS as a kid

When I was a kid, the little local United Methodist church did the summer VBS. We didn't attend the church. We attend the much BIGGER (hahahaha) catholic church. BUT everyone went to VBS. SO there was about 6 of us. No, not really. Probably about 30 or so.

VBS was in the morning. We would would wake up and rub the sleep from our eyes. Clutching the quarter our mom gave all of us kids for offering, we would trek up the mountain. Really it was just a big hill but to us at 8:30 a.m., it was a mountain.

Now, I remember singing time. Mim (I believe her name was) who (no disrespect cause I know she is still around) but I thought was so old. But she played the piano with ease though and led us kids in worship. We would sing and laugh. We always had snack outside sitting on the steps. Our favorite craft was always the painting day. We had a bible teacher every year. One time we made Viv laugh for days because we told her that the dead guy looked more like he was swimming. And when we got older John volunteered to teach us (even though we were too old!) He was very soft spoken but would laugh and play games with us. The pastor would always be involved. Pastor Tom praying before and after. Pastor Roy walking around with balloons on his head and teaching us how to play don't steal the bacon.

And closing night was the best. We would have a bonfire right there at the church!! We would all memorize a scripture, and learn a song for our grade. And we would put on a program. With all of our families there, the town seemed to empty into the church. Then downstairs we would go!!! Hot dogs and marshmallows were roasted outside. We ran around and laughed and played. Showing our parents the crafts we had made. The bible notebook we had completed. We went every year to VBS. Wishing it was 2 weeks instead of the 1.

Now, I can't tell you one song we sang in those million years of VBS. I can't tell you the theme or the scripture I am sure I memorized. The only crafts I slightly remembered is plaster and painting. I don't remember the snack or the message. BUT I do remember the people.

I remember those people who gave up their morning one week one summer to come and laugh and play. The adults who who hugged you and were happy you were there. I never felt out of place or lonely up there. Everyone knew our name and our family. The adults played the games, and ate the hot dogs. And it wasn't until I was older did I truly appreciate what they did. Men and women. Young and old. Coming up to the church, decorating, planning, and loving us. They did it because they wanted to make a difference in the live of the kids. They wanted us to know the love of Jesus was not a story but it was first hand something REAL. They wanted to SHOW us that. And they did. I know they made a difference in mine.

I just can't.....

So today I was going to tell you the story about how I had to go to labor and delivery today and about freaked out. (a blood test- nothing major). Or some fun childhood VBS memories...or how great I am for finishing painting the trim...

But I can't....I am so stinking tired. I may sleep tonight- even if Scott is on night shift...Save my stories for another day....

Good Morning...

I woke up this morning with brown stuff smeared all over the toilet seat. Are you kidding me I thought? It was peanut butter. You don't want to know how I found out.

Going backwards...

In the beginning of this pregnancy, I was sick a lot. Not so much in the morning. Although my morning commute to work sometimes would make me sick...but I really felt horrible when I got home and the evenings were the worst. I didn't eat dinner for quite a long time. Then into my 2nd trimester I guess things improved. I really wasn't sick much at all. I wasn't tired much. I was really feeling pretty good. NOW, I don't know what is up. I guess moving into the last stretch but I didn't feel like it would hit 4 days into it!! I have been so sick lately. I get so nauseous in the car. Heartburn has been hitting like crazy. I thought I was pin pointing the food that was causing it but it seems to be everything anymore. AND I am getting so tired! Like I am walking back into the 1st trimester. I think eating small meals more often may help. And staying away from things I know make me sick. On the bright side, I am not really uncomfortable yet. The summer heat really has not been that bad (the cold is pretty depressing really), and my back is ok. AND my nerve that was bothering in my leg let up! So that is great.

Tonight was night 2 at VBS for us. God's love changes us. I got to teach my kids the baby shark song. Will was thrilled. And my kids were much calmer tonight. But Scott did have my baby Luke a lot. Tomorrow (Scott's birthday!!!!) he has to go on night shift ;( This is his long 4 day run where we won't see much of him until Sunday. I hate this part of the month! But with VBS and such I guess we will keep busy!!

Monday Review

1. A very good doctors appointment. I only gained 1 pound! WOO-HOO I didn't even want to look with the 4th and all. AND of course peanut is doing great. 2 week check-ups now!

2. Pizza still makes me sick. Why do I keep doing that?

3. Crib bottoms apparently cave in when jumped on repeatedly by three children.

4. Who thought a box of sand was a good idea? Although hosing children off is very fun to watch.

5. Volunteering for VBS sounds like a great idea. Until you are there, and your 3 pre-schoolers are in your group acting like crazies, you are 7 months pregnant and TIRED, half-way though you get sharp pains in your stomach which force you to sit down and wonder if that is what a front contraction feels like? (never had one, all back labor), the kids are swinging from the decorations, and when you collapse in your front door and think next year (when I also have a 10 month old) I may have to pass.

6. Although VBS is causing me to collapse into bed (see above) it is nice to fall asleep with the songs in my head. Perhaps next year, I will come to pick the kids a little early and enjoy the closing. AHHHH... yes...compromise.

7. However, our VBS theme is God's love. Today was God's love is a free gift. When my son was asked what was his all time favorite gift, he said when Santa bought him a toothbrush! By the way, SANTA also spent mucho dinero $$$$ and got him a Wii that same Christmas. *SIGH*


That is all.

28

Today I am 28 weeks. That puts me officially in the 3rd tri-mester. Which means I am 12 weeks out from an on-time delivery. 9 weeks out from when Luke decided to enter the world. I know I could go on time or even late. But all 3 of my little ones have been early. That being said, I actually wouldn't mind an on time or even a little late. I would love a full month in school to get stuff ready before I "take off." However, I am sure I will be sooner than that.

All of the being said, last night as I went to the bathroom for the 250th time, I caught a glimse of myself in the mirror. Wow, am I gi-normous. (giantic+enormous in one). And 2- this baby is coming sooner than I am ready for!

I have so much to do and get. I started to make a mental list at 3:30 in the morning which really doesn't help when you wake up and remember only 2 things- car seat and baby monitor. I had PLANNED to make a list months ago and get like one thing each payday. But then I waited because I wanted to see boy or girl (although what does girl/boy matter with a baby monitor??) So I need a new list.

And besides the stuff I need to buy for this little one, there were things I wanted done before she arrives. For example, every kids is changing rooms. Will and Rachel are moving into the bigger room- which is now the playroom- and Luke is moving into the room that was theirs. Luke must be alone to sleep. MUST. And the baby will move into Luke's little room off of our room. And they all need painted.

I just feel like I am running out of time. Really she could be here in 2 months! And all of that aside. SHE COULD BE HERE IN 2 MONTHS!!! Holy smokes batman- I better get ready!

My men

Will- "Mom, I don't know how this got into my mouth?"
He shows me something little and unrecognizable.
Mom (me)- "I don't know Will. Maybe it is a popcorn shell. Throw it in the trash."
Will places it back into his mouth.
Will- "It's a booger. YUM!"
Mom is now gaging...

::

Scott- Why does my cup stink?
Me- Probably because my dishwasher stinks and I need a new one.
Scott- That is what we should get you for your birthday.
Me- Oh, so you got new golf clubs and I get a dishwasher?
Scott- Well, you don't like to golf?

A summer day....

My eyes open. It is MORNING! I jump out of bed with my feet running! (Obviously this is not 2009...think back about 20 years!). We, as in my 2 brothers and I , go downstairs to get ready. We make the phone calls. Which is silly since everyone knows where we are going and everyone is going to be there. We grab our mitts and our bats and we are out the door. No I don't eat breakfast and no I don't apply sunscreen. It is summer for crying out loud.

We gather at the ball field. With the cool morning chill and some players wiping at their sleepy eyes, we walk down the hill (no need to use the steps!). There were about 10 or so of us. On most days, it was me and one other girl. For some reason the boy population took over our small, dusty town. So you ran with the boys or didn't go at all. We picked teams. We usually just involved a "you there, you there..." And we played. All morning and into the afternoon. For awhile I was the only one who was able to hit B's curve ball. So the rest of the kids banned it. A fly ball into the outfield was a home run. We hit and ran. Screamed and probably cursed. We were our own umpires which is where a lot of trouble began....and it usually centered around my head strong brother. (The Air Force one now! ;) )Screaming over a call would begin. Yelling name calling. All things 10 year olds do. Either the fight would send us all home or my mother blowing her whistle.

We went home and had lunch. I was always pretty sun burnt by then. Somedays we went back to the field. But a lot of days it was too hot. There was one tree we would all gather under (and never all fit). Sometimes we would go to the park. Mess around under the pavilion. Or ride bikes. Or mess around in the woods. Summer days were long and we were tired. We would return to our homes before dark to check in. The darkness brought games like "man hunt" and others. And we were happy.

We were all from the same town but had very different lives. Came from very different families. In school we fell into different groups. Some might not even wave to others in the hall. But summer time was different. We played, fought, and laughed. It truly was like one of those old time movies! A little town and a crowd of kids. I hope my children are able to find that kind of happiness. A childlike joy of hitting homeruns and running the bases in bare feet. Coming home tired and sunburnt.

I think of all those guys on summer days like today. Years later. One of them is gone now. Died too young. He was a kid with a firey temper but I had seen him cry. Cry with me. A couple are married. A lot of us have kids. Kids who look like us!! Some of us live around here and some states away. I wonder if they think of us from time to time??

SLEEP- where are you??

So last night I didn't go to sleep until after 1. Then I woke up with Scott at 4 and didn't fall back "asleep" -if you can call it that- until almost 6. I was watching Corner Gas. WHich is fabulous by the way. Scott and I used to watch it all the time when it wasn't on at say 4 o'clock in the morning. I slept a bit until I heard Luke calling "mom, I am done." Sleeping that is.... ANd really I was up anyway. The last couple nights have been like this.

And I am a lover of sleep! Always have been. I hated sleepovers and hated to participate in "up all nighters." How silly. Why would you be up when you could be sleeping??? And when I don't sleep I get sick! Really sick. Now I normally don't sleep when Scott is on night shift, but he was on day?? What is going on here. Tomorrow starts his 7 days off and hopefully I will rest.

So today after a morning of cheeze-its everywhere and pancake syrup in the hair, I was ready for nap. I laid Luke down and he fell right asleep. In the livingroom the other two were being quiet. Rachel was laying with me and Will was playing a game. So I drifted off...only to be awaken by my phone ringing. It seems children dying of AIDS in AFRICA need my help...right now. I was so tired I couldn't understand what he was talking about. All I heard was Aids and kids. And we need you. But that was the end of my nap!

I made dinner and took the kids to Bible Club. Where they had fun but I was so tired. And then we stopped at my mom's where I was so tired. My stomach started to get the "I didn't sleep" sharp pains. So we come home and now here I am. Feeling like I can't sleep- AGAIN!!!

Scott worked some extra hours so maybe when he gets home I will relax and sleep tonight. I really hope so!

Monday Review

1. Apparently I can't even pee while the children are eating cereal OR it ends up all over the living room floor and all over the couch.

2. I am now 27 weeks pregnant. That means this is my last week in the 2nd trimester. Why does the end seem so very near and yet so very far.

3. Why do people knock on my door before 11...uuummm...12...ok 1 and expect me to be dressed and ready to answer the door???

4. Raw meat + me = bad, very bad

5. Nap time is good. Late nap, not so good.

6. Last but not least...I have been given the best news tonight by an angel. I will be teaching 2nd grade next year. NOT k-garten like I thought. I almost fell over. SO very very happy.

That is all.

Rain, rain go away!!

"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass--it's about learning how to dance in the rain..." courtsey of my sweet friend Amanda

I have always loved the rain. When asked what my favorite type of weather is I would always say RAIN! When I was a kid I would sit out on the porch for hours watching it. Sometimes playing in it. But I loved to watch it. I think it has a calming effect on me. My mom said I always remind her of my grandpa (her dad) like that. She said he would sit and watch the rain for hours. Sure the sunshine is nice, but it gives me the feeling that I should be "doing" something. When it is raining you can just sit there and feel content in "what else can I be doing in the rain?" ;)

However, I have to have the "best summer ever" with my kids. And I have lists of stuff we have to do! And since I knew the next day Scott would be on day shift for 4 days, I had wanted to take the kids over to Glendale- a local lake. I figured they could play in the sand and water. We could pack dinner. Then came the reports of rain.... What to do?? We also had to wait for the guy who is going to replace some windows for us.

At 3:30 I decided to go for it. I called my mom and asked if she and my sisters wanted to come. I grabbed Luke (left the older 2 with dad- he was mowing) and we headed to Subway to pick up dinner and Giant Eagle to get stuff for the cooler. We did it all in 50 minutes. Quite impressive really!

We got home, and packed up the truck with cooler, sand toys, chairs, and other stuff. Got in and headed out. Then the sky got dark. The windshield started to have drops. "It is raining," I said to Scott. "It is stopping," he said. Then the sky got really dark. Then the rain came down really hard. Will began to sing "rain, rain go away...today and tomorrow." We pulled up and it was pouring!! We grabbed the kids and the food and ran to the pavillion. The kids were shaking and freezing. I was freeezing! The sky was black. I looked to the sky and thought "oh please." We sat down to eat. The kids were more interested in throwing rocks in the puddles. Soon it slowed up. Then the sun came out. And we could see a faint rainbow. Then it got warm again.

What a blessing! We headed down to the "beach." The kids had a great time playing in the sand and water. Luke rode trucks everywhere and played with his boat in the water. Will loved building a river and dumping water in it. He even met a couple of friends for a little bit. Rachel thought this "beach" was the greatest. Hey, if I thought I could have gotten away that easily I could have saved some money and not scheduled the beach trip at the end of July! They were very tired come the end. Finally when the sun was close to setting, we packed up and headed home. Scott said that if we had any cash on us we could get some ice cream. Whoa! I am all about making memoried but I was about to fall over and still had 3 little ones (plus me!) to get cleaned and ready for bed! So we headed for home and decided maybe our next adventure would be ice cream and putt-putt!

I could have missed this great time had a focused on how tired I was, how much needed done at home...the million of things on my to-do list. But I am glad I took this time to "dance in the rain."

But Scott is on his 4 day shifts now where he gets home around 6:30-7. By the time he eats dinner, he is wiped out. And since he waked up at 3:30 A.M. and then leaves the house at 4, I can't really blame him. So for the next couple of days we may be on our own! To the playground in the backyard!! ;)

Summer is here!

Summer time! This summer I wanted to have some fun. Or at least I wanted my kids to have a good time. It seems that we had a LONG winter. And on my list of plans was the swing set and the pool. I wanted to be able to open the door and let the kids play! Especially since I will be getting bigger and bigger from here on out!

After the swing set finally arrived (took a week and a half longer than expected which is 5 years in toddler time), Scott got busy. And single handedly put it up. Quite impressive really. When I saw the whole thing was in 2 smallish boxes, I was a little worried. When he dumped them out and I saw ALL the pieces, I was even more worried! But he did it! With a little help from my little man over there. Luke loved being involved. He put in screws and carried the drill. Of course he lost a couple pieces here and there but we won't mention that! The kids loved the finish project!

And then the swimming pool. Seeing how he was right in the middle of swing set construction, Scott was thrilled when I bugged him about the pool! But we were M-E-L-T-I-N-G! So with the pump in hand, he blew it right up. And it is a little bigger and deeper than expected. Little nervous for Luke since he likes to get out and then DIVE right back in!

The kids love it and were having a blast. Now, summer needs to crawl by. I want to enjoy the sun and my time off with the kids.

A little....

girl. I went in for my ultra-sound today and was quite nervous. The tech called me back and as I laid there I prayed. I prayed everything was ok. The heart had 4 chambers. Growth would be on track. The tech was very quiet. Which made me all the more nervous! She asked me if I wanted to know the sex. Of course, I said. She told me that no guarantees but she should be able to tell. So after an eternity she called Scott back in.

She showed us the head first. Which is down and very low. Yeah-could have told her that! She said the brain looked great- Excellent. And then she showed us the kidneys and stomach. And then she asked if we wanted to know. Yep. Right there she pointed. See that line. It's a girl. Of course she said I can't be 100 percent. A penis could be hiding! hahahaha Plus she said my due date looked to be about September 24th from the 29th!!

So she will be Isabella Noel. Her head is down, and she weighs about 2 pounds 1 oz. We love her already.

disgusting!

So my almost 2 year old son talks way more at this age than his siblings did. He is so funny. and has quite the sense of humor. I DID buy a potty chair because he was taking off his diaper and straddling our large toilet. Of course he has never gone in the toilet. And I am not pushing it. After the other 2, I am ready to let go and it will happen when it happens. I have had 2 in diapers for many months before. But he- how nicely- lets me know right after he has pooped.

So he is standing in the living room and says "mom" and grabs his butt. "I pooped." Grab the baby wipes and diaper and bring them here I tell him. I mean come on. I can't stop checking my e mail to go get such things. I am lazy, I mean pregnant! ;)

So he brings me them and lays on the floor with his legs up. See his brilliance. I say to him as I am changing his diaper, when you feel like you are going to poop, you should go in the potty. Then you can flush the poop like Rachel and say "bye, bye poop!"

He looked at me like I had 4 heads, wrinkled his nose, and said "mom, your disgusting."

running, tripping, finishing

"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."- Hebrews 12:1-3

I am not a runner. My first experience of running is in middle school. We had to run a mile. I swear I thought I was going to die. Foolishly I started out in the sprint, as we all did- given NO INSTRUCTION on long(er) distance running. Many a girls puked that day. I remember getting crazy pains in my side and wanting to die. I also remember how we run everyday for softball practice. Oh how I hated it!

One thing I have learned over the years about running, is that you must begin with the end goal in mind. For example, we as 7th grade girls started to sprint. We wanted to look "good" for each other. Like this was no problem. Then half way though some of us we puking on the side of the track. Or had to quit all together. And even the ones who made it were sick and cursing gym class. BUT had we been thinking we would have realized that we have a MILE to run. We should have started slow. Watched our pace. Looked to where we would have to end up.

I have attended 2 marriage conferences with FamilyLife Ministries. This morning I was sent this scripture in my email. And of course as you know my heartbreak over Jon and Kate I have to look at my own marriage. We all start the "race" with pretty high expectations. But unless we are looking at that end goal- a lifetime of partnership- we are likely to make some mistakes.

Sometimes I sprint. I look at the here and now and what I need today. And sometimes what I "need" for today is not important to my overall goal. So if I push for what I think I deserve or need right now I could end up tripping, falling, losing sight of the end goal. On the side puking. And sometimes just taking the "f" and walking away altogether. I need to look past somethings to work toward my overall goal. Finishing the race.

And one more thing on the whole Jon and Kate fiasco. If I hear either one say one more time- my kids are most important, we do everything for our kids, kids, kids, kids. Well, 2 things. First Jon had it right when he said "I have to do what is right for me,...and my kids." He is thinking of him. Him first and foremost. And Kate- your kids are not what is most important. Your relationship with God, and then your marriage. In a "kid centered" world I understand that this is a foreign concept. And I am not saying that children are not important. WAY more important than money, our jobs, our volunteer stuff. But our marriage is #1. The marriage was there before the kids and (hopefully) it will be there after the kids. AND when kids are in a home where they know their parents are committed to each other- that is when true joy happens. Kids want to know that daddy loves mommy, and mommy loves daddy.

Does this mean that I am perfect? In no way shape or form. I am very far off the mark that I wish I was at. So very far. I just know that God has been bringing things to my attention lately. I can listen and change my "stride" to get to the end. Or I am going to end up laying on the ground gasping. Or quitting. And that may scare me more than anything else.