clutter

I hate clutter. A place for everything and everything in its place. I have always had a touch of OCD. Hard to imagine, eh?

However, with four kids, clutter seems unstoppable. Please, NEVER come to my house without an appointment. ;) I may seriously curl up and die. It isn't that I don't try. But before I can even get to the next room, the room I have just cleaned is again destroyed. The kids LOVE clean rooms. And soon it is not clean so much. But I have learned to deal with this. Kick it aside. Deal with it when you can. Beg people to call first.

But it is the mind clutter that is getting to me. I also have TMJ. Which of course is worse when under stress. I went to the dentist the other day. He heard my jaw clicking. Across the room. He then came closer and checked me out. His diagnosis. "Holy smokes! You need to get this taken care of." Apparently I need a plate for when I am sleeping cause I grind my teeth. And my jaw is way off. One is a 1 blah blah and the other is a 2 blah blah. No I don't know what the blah blah is. Which Scott was not happy about. He recommends braces. BRACES?? He said my jaw needs realigned and if I don't do it, I WILL need surgury. A surgury that doesn't always work.

I know I grind my teeth and set my jaw when I am stressed. Oh, but what is there to stress about you say? Well, the clutter. I always am thinking about the laundry and the dinner. The clothes needing switched around and such. The kitchen floor needs scrubbed. The bedrooms need done.

School is starting soon. Which means I am thinking about school shopping and getting my new room ready. Getting ready for my new grade. New everything. And I am taking many college grad credits. And not getting the work done. I also am trying to squeeze in every bit of fun with my kids before I return to work.

Plus, there are other lists. Other worries. I tell myself to let it go. But in my sleep, the grinding and jaw setting comes. Braces?

This is why...

a mom can't take a shower when husband is on night shift...

and this isn't even half of it...the stove, the wall, the countertop, the bathroom door...

snowing...

I had a good friend once tell me "trying to clean a house while the children are growing, is like trying to shovel the driveway while it is still snowing." Which is a fantastic metaphor! I can just picture it! And it is so true! How ever it doesn't really make me feel any better as I look about my house.

Many, many times I have been told "I don't know how you do it all." And I tell them "not very well." Which I feel is so true. I am very busy. But, yes we all are busy in our own ways and no one needs to hear that. I guess being off this summer has helped somewhat. I have kept up fairly well with the household stuff. And by fairly well, I mean we have had clean clothes to wear and food to eat. - Even if that one time my mom had to run over a couple of boxes of mac and cheese!


But now the true fun will begin again. I start back to work in a week and a half.I have always said "in my next life I am coming back as a man." I do not doubt my husband works hard. But I carry way more responsibility that him. I am responsible for the house, the kids, the bills, the insurance....and more. My husband once told me about this book he was reading (aka listening to on tape). It compared our brains to a computer. Men have one program open. If you try to talk to them about ANYTHING else, they must shut down the program they are on, and open up the other program. In other words, one window at a time. Woman of course are different. We can have windows littering our screens. We flow from program to program with ease and often time connect them. I was stunned that Scott can only hold one thing at a time. He was stunned that I am ALWAYS operating at least 5 programs- even while trying to sleep.


So as he is thinking about 1. painting the kids room. I am thinking about dinner, about my classroom, about where I can get a baby car seat, can we fix the kids dressers, the van stinks and needs cleaned, my ultra sound on Thursday, my behavior plan at work....and the list goes on.

Which is one reason why when Scott broke his tooth and was complaining I told HIM to call the dentist. I was going to make him an appointment months ago and he wouldn't go-no time. And he said "well, if you would have just made me the appointment I would have gone." And I burst into tears. Granted I know he was just kidding. He was laughing. But I told him, I am responsible for so much. I can not also be responsible for your teeth!In a couple of weeks I go back to work. To teach kindergarten. In a couple of weeks, my baby starts kindergarten. In a couple of weeks I will give birth to baby #4. It is more than a little overwhelming and daunting.

overload

The spring of 2003 was a busy time for me. I was student teaching, planning a youth trip to a weekend retreat, and I was getting married. I was a bit busy. BUT I was the thinnest I have ever been. Stress does that too me!

I just always seem to take on more than is humanly necessary. Now, I am 3 weeks out from the start of school. About 7 from a due date.( don't even get me started that Luke was born in about 4). My to-do list keeps getting LONGER as I remember stuff I need to add. And this is not stupid far out things like stain the porch (although that does need done.) This is like BUY a car seat. Set up your classroom. Pull down the baby clothes. Find a dresser to put baby clothes in!

I have three to do lists going now. One for school. One for baby. And one for the oldest starting kindergarten. PLUS I am almost 33 weeks. Which mean I am stinking tired....which would probably explain why I snapped when my dear husband started to complain (as I was calling about getting our daughter into dance and writing out another to do thing as the phone was ringing) that we were OUT of tea. And he thought I was getting it last night? And he has nothing to drink. And water makes him gag. and..... death stare. Well, call the president!

I just I am just tired. and stressed. And darn, I am pregnant so I don't even get to lose any weight on the deal!