Today during dinner I broke the news to my kids. I said those dreaded words. "Tomorrow you all have to get up early." Chorus of moans and whys surround the table.
Scott- "Because mommy has to start back to work tomorrow and I have work too. And in a week you guys will all be in school"
Bella- *with look of horror on her face* "No school for me!"
Theresa- "No school for you."
Will- "ya know I have been thinking, I am going to try and clean out my desk once a week this year. Cause last year it was a big mess. And actually the year before that and the year before that."
Theresa- "maybe you could actually keep track of your books. Instead of swearing to me that you brought them home and then you finding them lost in your desk a week later."
Will- "No, my friends would find my lost books in THEIR desks."
Theresa - "How do you suppose that happened"?
Will- "Sneaky Ninjas came into the school in the middle of the night and put my books in their desks."
Theresa- "So..not that you aren't paying attention and you accidentally stuck your books in their desks?"
Will- "No definitely sneaky ninjas."
Theresa- "Makes perfect sense..."
Tomorrow is my first day of in-service. First day of a new year. Here is to a fresh, ninja-free start back.
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Monday, August 20, 2012
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Camping Part 2
We like to "train our kids up in the way they should go" HA! Here is my 2 year old learning to hammer tent pegs. Don't worry. The others were carrying wood.
Now, they were calling for a monsoon like storm for our camping trip. Do we cancel? No! Do we go home? No! (ok for one night when they called for possible tornado yes) We went to Walmart and bought card games to play under the canopy. What is a little flooding to us?
Girls hid in the camper with Nick.
We did come out eventually. Second camping trip and Nick is loving it! Well, he can't complain.
Of course, what is camp without ice cream.
See...he does like it.
Luke eating his mountain pie.
Will eating off of the world's longest marshmallow stick.
Bike rides were fun! Until Daddy's chain snapped and Rachel ran a hole through her back tire. Luke ran away on the bike ramps. But after that, everything was peachy.
Cause I never take a picture of these guys together.
I am awake. At the end of the trip Nick decided that he would only not scream if he was attached to me.My salvation was that my FIL (big Paul if you follow my pics) brought me hot wings. Love him. If my baby here is faking you out with the whole sleeping like an angel bit-don't be fooled. He likes to be up, his mama- not so much.
And just in case you were wondering....yep- Camping part 3 in a few weeks. Cause we bought a camper people and we are going to get our money's worth. Even if it drowns or kills us.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Keep going
He was sobbing. Dirt streaked down his face and blood streaming from his knee. And what did his compassionate, loving mother do? "Get up Will. Let's try again." "No! I hate it! I will never be able to ride a bike. I don't care! I am done!" Commence sobbing and walking away.
Now I had a choice here. I could let him walk away. I could let him quit. After all he was having a lot of trouble. He was spending more time on the pavement than on the pedals. But I couldn't. I also knew how bad he felt that he couldn't do this yet. Partially my fault, as I had never bought him a bike because there was no place to ride. Then he discovered that all his friends were riding and he..couldn't.
I knew this was hard for him. I also know lots of things are going to be hard that you can't quit. For me, this was becoming less about staying up on two wheels and more of a lesson I remembered learning myself. I once was stuck in the middle of a cliff. Ok...maybe not a cliff, but it was a high rock. We were rock climbing for a training for summer camp. I was screaming "No! I hate it! I will never be able to climb this rock. I don't care! I am done." And I had a friend who refused to lower the rope. "Nope. Not done. You are done when you climb over the top of that ledge." He told me he would wait here all day. I knew he would. He encouraged and told me where to put my feet. Finally, I pulled myself over the top. I did it. That feeling of victory is what I wanted for my son.
I told him to get back here and get on the bike. I grabbed the back of his bike and ran beside him. I "ignored" his tears and begging. A couple of times we both tumbled and it truth be told I started to wonder myself. What if he doesn't get it? Soon, my husband came to the rescue. He took my son and began to talk with him and run beside him. I went into the kitchen to get supper ready. After about a half an hour they called me out. Will was doing better. He was staying up for a few pedals before crashing to the ground. It was a small victory for the day.
Day by day Will started to go out on his own. Trying and falling....but getting up. Trying again. I have to say I was more proud of him each time he picked his bike off the ground than when I finally saw him riding. Free of training wheels, peddling his heart out, and smile wider than I had ever seen it. He did it. "Look at me mom!" he shouted as he raced through a mud puddle.
As a matter of fact, he is now so good that this weekend at camp he was at the top of a very large hill and was ready to go down. "Umm..Will that is too high." "Let him go," my husband said. "But he will get hurt." "Let him go." So I did. I held my breath as he came down the hill, hitting bumps, scooting all around, and then landing on the bottom with a big smile on his face. Let him go.
Now I had a choice here. I could let him walk away. I could let him quit. After all he was having a lot of trouble. He was spending more time on the pavement than on the pedals. But I couldn't. I also knew how bad he felt that he couldn't do this yet. Partially my fault, as I had never bought him a bike because there was no place to ride. Then he discovered that all his friends were riding and he..couldn't.
I knew this was hard for him. I also know lots of things are going to be hard that you can't quit. For me, this was becoming less about staying up on two wheels and more of a lesson I remembered learning myself. I once was stuck in the middle of a cliff. Ok...maybe not a cliff, but it was a high rock. We were rock climbing for a training for summer camp. I was screaming "No! I hate it! I will never be able to climb this rock. I don't care! I am done." And I had a friend who refused to lower the rope. "Nope. Not done. You are done when you climb over the top of that ledge." He told me he would wait here all day. I knew he would. He encouraged and told me where to put my feet. Finally, I pulled myself over the top. I did it. That feeling of victory is what I wanted for my son.
I told him to get back here and get on the bike. I grabbed the back of his bike and ran beside him. I "ignored" his tears and begging. A couple of times we both tumbled and it truth be told I started to wonder myself. What if he doesn't get it? Soon, my husband came to the rescue. He took my son and began to talk with him and run beside him. I went into the kitchen to get supper ready. After about a half an hour they called me out. Will was doing better. He was staying up for a few pedals before crashing to the ground. It was a small victory for the day.
Day by day Will started to go out on his own. Trying and falling....but getting up. Trying again. I have to say I was more proud of him each time he picked his bike off the ground than when I finally saw him riding. Free of training wheels, peddling his heart out, and smile wider than I had ever seen it. He did it. "Look at me mom!" he shouted as he raced through a mud puddle.
As a matter of fact, he is now so good that this weekend at camp he was at the top of a very large hill and was ready to go down. "Umm..Will that is too high." "Let him go," my husband said. "But he will get hurt." "Let him go." So I did. I held my breath as he came down the hill, hitting bumps, scooting all around, and then landing on the bottom with a big smile on his face. Let him go.
I hope we both learned something. I want him to remember to never let go. If you want something, go after it. It is ok to fall. In falling we learn. But get back up. Keep fighting. Keep trying. I need to let go. Remember myself that it is ok to see him fall. Okay to see him get up. Because his success makes it all worth it.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
in a dress
We took her dress shopping today. Her dad and I walked into the store and pulled dresses off the rack. I carried an arm load in the dressing room and she skipped in behind me. She was so excited I thought she may burst. I put on the first one. A black and white one with a pink ribbon tied around the middle. "It is puffy," she said as she twirled in the mirror. I opened the door and she danced out to daddy to see how beautiful he thought it was. Strangers oohed and awed for her. Told her how beautiful she looked. She smiled shyly and then twirled back to me. We went for dress number two. Each time spinning in the mirror. Each time loving how mommy, daddy, and the sweet older lady cheered and clapped for her. She finally picked her dress. Her graduation dress. Kindergarten graduation.
Then we went for shoes. A princess must have special shoes on her special day. They are rainbow. They sparkle. Not as much as her. Not nearly as bright as she does. And for the icing on the cake, she decided that today was the big day. The day she would get her ears pierced. She sat so bravely in the seat. My heart beat a little faster as I held her hand. Daddy held the other. One earring in and she cried. The lady asked if she was ready for the other and she nodded. Holding our hands a little tighter. After earring two was in daddy scooped her up. Just like when she was a baby getting shots. Wasn't that just yesterday?
Putting her to bed tonight, she chatted about how she was going to tell her teacher and friends about her new earrings, dress, and shoes.
Then I got on face*book and began looking at beautiful girls in puffy dresses. Handsome young men in tailored suits. Children of friends of mine. I clicked "like" on these gorgeous children. I think back to years past when these young adults were elementary kids and middle schoolers. Then I clicked on a friends page and looked through the prom pictures of her beautiful daughter. Then I saw it. One of the pictures was of her and her daughter from years past. It was her daughter's kindergarten graduation picture. I looked long and hard at the little girl in the picture. Cap on and smiling so bright. And the mama hugging her tight. And then I cried. Then I thanked God for my beautiful kids and this blessed season. And prayed for the day that we are twirling in prom gowns. Hopefully I (or her daddy) won't cry to much...or at least in front of her as we snap pictures and tell her to have a wonderful time. It helped me remember to squeeze a little tighter and breath a little easier. And to enjoy my puffy 6 year old princess.
Then we went for shoes. A princess must have special shoes on her special day. They are rainbow. They sparkle. Not as much as her. Not nearly as bright as she does. And for the icing on the cake, she decided that today was the big day. The day she would get her ears pierced. She sat so bravely in the seat. My heart beat a little faster as I held her hand. Daddy held the other. One earring in and she cried. The lady asked if she was ready for the other and she nodded. Holding our hands a little tighter. After earring two was in daddy scooped her up. Just like when she was a baby getting shots. Wasn't that just yesterday?
Putting her to bed tonight, she chatted about how she was going to tell her teacher and friends about her new earrings, dress, and shoes.
Then I got on face*book and began looking at beautiful girls in puffy dresses. Handsome young men in tailored suits. Children of friends of mine. I clicked "like" on these gorgeous children. I think back to years past when these young adults were elementary kids and middle schoolers. Then I clicked on a friends page and looked through the prom pictures of her beautiful daughter. Then I saw it. One of the pictures was of her and her daughter from years past. It was her daughter's kindergarten graduation picture. I looked long and hard at the little girl in the picture. Cap on and smiling so bright. And the mama hugging her tight. And then I cried. Then I thanked God for my beautiful kids and this blessed season. And prayed for the day that we are twirling in prom gowns. Hopefully I (or her daddy) won't cry to much...or at least in front of her as we snap pictures and tell her to have a wonderful time. It helped me remember to squeeze a little tighter and breath a little easier. And to enjoy my puffy 6 year old princess.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Who want to go to the circus?
Not I said the Mommy! I wanted to curl up in bed with my Kindle and go to sleep. It has been a long week. But we did promise. Too bad our kiddos are old enough to remember promises. Glad we went though. The kids had a blast. Luke said that the motorcycles guys had super powers. Bella was thrilled with all the animals, but did not like it when the people went too high! Will of course laughed through the whole thing. Go and ask him what his favorite part was....EVERYTHING. Rachel thought the whole thing was awesome too. Except a costume a girl was wearing that Rachel though was too revealing. She said "Mommy, that girl looks ridiculous. You can see her butt." Keep that thought sweet heart. Showing butt=ridiculous.
saying cheese
Good idea at the time...buying the boys cotton candy. Seems like a bad idea 20 minutes later....buying the boys cotton candy.
My Princess.
We bring the circus with us. Wonder if I could get my dog to jump through hoops of fire? hhmmmm... j/k Patty! Maybe....
I wouldn't let her ride the slide for SIX dollars. I told her I would take her to the FREE park tomorrow where she could go down all she wanted. Of course daddy would have.... Daddy- 1,000 Mommy-0
Llama petting zoo at the circus. And Luke was thrilled. Really?
This child is just too much. And see, she got over the slide thing.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Anything like me
I remember sayin' I don't care either way
as long as he or she is healthy, I'm okay
And then the doctor pointed to the corner of the screen
And said, "You see that thing right there? Well, you know what that means"
I started wondering who he was going to be
And I thought heaven help us if he's anything like me
He'll probably climb a tree too tall and ride his bike too fast
End up every summer wearin' something in a cast
He's gonna throw a ball and break some glass
In a window down the street
He's gonna get in trouble, oh, he's gonna get in fights
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback
If he's anything like me
William- The joke around my house is that Will is Scott Jr. I will never know why we didn't name him that. He and his father remind me of the old Patty Duke theme song. They laugh alike, they walk alike,
At times they even talk alike, you can lose your mind. They love the same things and have the same sayings. But he also has his dad's heart. All the good stuff. They love someone totally and with no strings attached. This is how I know my son will grow up to be a good man. Just like his dad.
Rachel- ....a little me. I listen to her talk. Of course she is better than me. She is the best things about me exaggerated. She is so smart. Very determined and fiercely loyal. She is her own girl too. Dressing up in the fanciest gown to go grocery shopping. Changing her nail color three times a day and using glitter like it is going out of style. My girl.
Luke- I hear tell that he is the picture of Scott when he was a kid. He certainly looks like Scott's mini me when Scott shaves. Sometimes I look at Luke and can't believe that he looks nothing like me. A boy who would melt your heart. "Every girl is beautiful and every boy is handsome." He tells me he loves me at least 20 times a day. Runs into the room just to let me know and then runs out. He is always on the go. Definitely more curious and daring than the rest. He climbs, jumps, rips apart, and likes to see how far he can push it. Ok, maybe he got that from me....
Bella- Such a combination of them all. She has Will's sense of humor, Rachel's sass, and Luke dare devil attitude. But her own flare. She is the baby and she knows it. My girl who loves her dog and her unicorn pillow. She has hair that matches her temper and her bright blue eyes are always telling stories. How did I get so lucky to have you dropped into our laps?
My sweet summer baby boy- Who will you be? Who will you look like and be like? I know this much. It will be a spark we never knew was missing until you are here!
as long as he or she is healthy, I'm okay
And then the doctor pointed to the corner of the screen
And said, "You see that thing right there? Well, you know what that means"
I started wondering who he was going to be
And I thought heaven help us if he's anything like me
He'll probably climb a tree too tall and ride his bike too fast
End up every summer wearin' something in a cast
He's gonna throw a ball and break some glass
In a window down the street
He's gonna get in trouble, oh, he's gonna get in fights
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback
If he's anything like me
William- The joke around my house is that Will is Scott Jr. I will never know why we didn't name him that. He and his father remind me of the old Patty Duke theme song. They laugh alike, they walk alike,
At times they even talk alike, you can lose your mind. They love the same things and have the same sayings. But he also has his dad's heart. All the good stuff. They love someone totally and with no strings attached. This is how I know my son will grow up to be a good man. Just like his dad.
Rachel- ....a little me. I listen to her talk. Of course she is better than me. She is the best things about me exaggerated. She is so smart. Very determined and fiercely loyal. She is her own girl too. Dressing up in the fanciest gown to go grocery shopping. Changing her nail color three times a day and using glitter like it is going out of style. My girl.
Luke- I hear tell that he is the picture of Scott when he was a kid. He certainly looks like Scott's mini me when Scott shaves. Sometimes I look at Luke and can't believe that he looks nothing like me. A boy who would melt your heart. "Every girl is beautiful and every boy is handsome." He tells me he loves me at least 20 times a day. Runs into the room just to let me know and then runs out. He is always on the go. Definitely more curious and daring than the rest. He climbs, jumps, rips apart, and likes to see how far he can push it. Ok, maybe he got that from me....
Bella- Such a combination of them all. She has Will's sense of humor, Rachel's sass, and Luke dare devil attitude. But her own flare. She is the baby and she knows it. My girl who loves her dog and her unicorn pillow. She has hair that matches her temper and her bright blue eyes are always telling stories. How did I get so lucky to have you dropped into our laps?
My sweet summer baby boy- Who will you be? Who will you look like and be like? I know this much. It will be a spark we never knew was missing until you are here!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
I have been hanging out in all the wrong places
For a week, Luke has been sick. Temperature has been up and down. Figured it was the flu and it would pass. Sunday morning at 5 am Luke crawled into bed beside me and instant furnace. I took his temp. 104. I of course then called Scott who was driving home from night shift. We decided to give him Tylenol and then see. By the time Scott was home his temp was down to 99.
He seemed fine all day. Playing around. Around Four o'clock Luke came and crawled onto my lap and said he was tired. He fell asleep and I took his temp. Still 99. Two hours later he was on fire again. Woke up with a temp of 104.3. Off to the ER we go. I am really getting tired of the inside of a hospital!
After an icy ride to the hospital, a doctor who scared the tar out of me by saying "we can't see anything physically wrong and it isn't normal for a child to have a temp this long. We need to do a whole spectrum of tests", and half way through the NFC championship game, we found out Luke had strep throat. Good news really. Better than the stomach cancer I had been envisioning after conversation with said doctor.
When we went to pick up the kids at my moms, we heard that William was sick. Temp of 102. Today he missed school and went to the doctors to get his meds. Tonight....Rachel sick and sleeping for the last two and a half hours. Temp....almost 102. Bella is still holding steady. As well as Scott and I. I figure I will get it on Wednesday when Scott has to go back to work. Yep, I'll be sick and alone with the kids.
Winter...is it not enough that you cost me WAY too much money in heating bills, you are cold and wet, you are dark and dreary....but must you bring the never ending string of sickness with you?
55 days until spring. But who is counting? ....me.......
Monday, January 16, 2012
What happens when you get your appendix out?
A promise to go to Chuck-e-cheese when you are feeling better. Plus, Rachel and William earned a trip back after first report cards came out. And since second round is coming any day now, figured we would get it in.
Bella approval.
Rachel was watching out for little sister on the slide.
Where a kid can be a kid. Daddy loves chuck e cheese promises.
Racing to the top.
Rachel was awesome at the basketball game! I was impressed!
Another shooting game.
Air hockey. Love it. One token and they play forever!
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Why I quit my resolution to meal plan and cook more....
Dinner time.....
Rachel- *crying* I hate this! I hate eating
Me- "Do I ever make anything that everyone doesn't hate?"
Will- "Sometimes. Not often, but sometimes."
Me-"You know, some kids have mothers that don't even cook them dinner!"
Luke- "THAT.....WOULD....BE....AWESOME."
**************************************************
After that display, I don't know why I would be nice to them...But I am just that nice I guess.
Hot chocolate with extra marshmallows please. From now on, I am sticking with chocolate for dinner.
Rachel- *crying* I hate this! I hate eating
Me- "Do I ever make anything that everyone doesn't hate?"
Will- "Sometimes. Not often, but sometimes."
Me-"You know, some kids have mothers that don't even cook them dinner!"
Luke- "THAT.....WOULD....BE....AWESOME."
**************************************************
After that display, I don't know why I would be nice to them...But I am just that nice I guess.
Hot chocolate with extra marshmallows please. From now on, I am sticking with chocolate for dinner.
Bella says "Daddy cheese with me."
"Hmmm...This isn't half bad."
LOTS of marshmallows
He didn't start off with one marshmallow. That is how many survive the first 25 seconds.
more pictures of me!
Trying to suck marshmallows up a straw
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Thinking about Hot Chocolate
Rachel from time to time has bad dreams. I can always hear her coming. She wakes up screaming and running from her room into mine and jumps into my bed. Last night was one of those nights. Scott had already left for work at 4:00 a.m. WIll had also found his way into my bed. I moved over and wrapped my arms around her.
Rachel- "Mommy I was so scared."
Me- "I know."
Rachel- "Can you tell me about the happy things."
Rachel and I play this game when she has nightmares. At first, I wasn't really sure how to help her. Then I asked her to think about the happy things. I would list them for her. I would talk about fun things like playing barbies or dress-up. She sometimes smiles with her eyes closed. Soon she drifts back off to sleep. With the happy images, not her scary nightmare.
Last night I told her about building snowmen with carrot noses and coal for eyes and mouth. Having a snowball fight with her brothers and hiding behind the swing set. I told her about hot chocolate with extra marshmallows. Then she drifted back to sleep.
This made me think of a quote that I received through Joyce Meyer Ministries through Facebook the other day. "
Rachel- "Mommy I was so scared."
Me- "I know."
Rachel- "Can you tell me about the happy things."
Rachel and I play this game when she has nightmares. At first, I wasn't really sure how to help her. Then I asked her to think about the happy things. I would list them for her. I would talk about fun things like playing barbies or dress-up. She sometimes smiles with her eyes closed. Soon she drifts back off to sleep. With the happy images, not her scary nightmare.
Last night I told her about building snowmen with carrot noses and coal for eyes and mouth. Having a snowball fight with her brothers and hiding behind the swing set. I told her about hot chocolate with extra marshmallows. Then she drifted back to sleep.
This made me think of a quote that I received through Joyce Meyer Ministries through Facebook the other day. "
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Bitter Sweet
Breathe in and out. One step in front of the other. After all, this wasn't my first time on the merry go round. I lay in bed for hours. Trying to sleep. Drifting off and on. I swear I am more nervous for this than they are. I hear my alarm go off. How can it be time for this already. And I am not talking about breakfast. How can it be time to put my princess on a bus? How did I miss it?
First days are so very bitter sweet. What an exciting time. It is so sweet to see your children develop into their own person. For you to look at this little person and see the uniqueness and the passion for life. It is so bitter though that they start to step away from you as they find this world.
It is so sweet to hear wonderful praises about your child. To hear how kind and compassionate they are to others. How they are making the world better just by bringing joy into it with their presence. But so bitter that you weren't there to see or hear it.
It is so sweet to watch them take their first steps into the world. To stand at the sidelines and cheer for them. To shout for joy with their accomplishments and wrap your arms around them in their disappointments. But so bitter to stand at a distance sometimes as you watch those steps. Bitter to know that disappointments will come sooner or later.
It is so sweet to learn to let go and trust. Trust that my children are in the hands of Another. That He will hold them in the palm of His hand. It is so sweet to trust that my children will carry my love for them in their hearts all the days of their lives. It is bitter though to know that I can't always control everything.
One the first day of school, I watch them. He is in second grade. Eating his waffles with his hair sticking up in the back even though I have tried to tame it. She is eating her English muffin with butter and cinnamon. Kicking her shiny black shoes and occasionally smoothing down her skirt. She is singing a song and he hums his own little tune. Oblivious to the life changing thoughts running through Mommy's head. I look at my sweet little babies growing up one moment at a time.
"Time to go," I say trying to chock back some tears. They put on their giant book bags. Smiling and ready to tackle the world....or at least the elementary school. Pictures and pictures. Then we get into the van. I walk them into the school. I notice Will is holding his book bag straps and not my hand as we walk in. That is ok....I guess. We stop in front of Rachel's class and I kiss her good-bye. As I let go of her hand but she takes my heart. I blink back tears and smile and wave. I pray that the kids will love her as much as we do and her teacher will think she hung the moon like I do.
I walk my boy to second grade. He reaches for my hand. Nervous. I squeeze his hand and tell him to watch where we are going so he can find his room. "Why?" he asks. "Because I didn't think I would walk you down here everyday." "Why not?" he asked. "I guess I could if you want," I told him. He looks up at me, something I treasure while I still can, and he smiles and says "I want." We arrive at his bright yellow classroom. I see familiar faces of his friends. I see little desks all lined up in a row. I know one of the desks is his. I hug him tight. Hold on for a second longer. He walks into his classroom, throws up his hands, and says "hello everybody." I chuckle as I walk away. As I walk through the halls, I pray for them. First for my children. I pray that for their health and safely. I pray that a passion for education will be instilled in their hearts. I pray that they let their light shine for everyone to see. That someday they could perhaps share their faith and love those who need it.
I walked into the school with two and now I climb into the van as one. I sit and buckle the seat belt. Suddenly everything gets so fuzzy. The tear slid down my cheek and onto my lap. My throat tightens and I gasp. Finally I let myself have my first day cry. I cry because first days are so bitter sweet. Bitter because I now sit here alone. But so sweet knowing how blessed I am to have these amazing kids in my life. Sweet to know how these children will touch the world. So very sweet to know that they will come home and still crawl up on my lap and tell me about their new friends, what they played, and what they learned. So bitter sweet.
First days are so very bitter sweet. What an exciting time. It is so sweet to see your children develop into their own person. For you to look at this little person and see the uniqueness and the passion for life. It is so bitter though that they start to step away from you as they find this world.
It is so sweet to hear wonderful praises about your child. To hear how kind and compassionate they are to others. How they are making the world better just by bringing joy into it with their presence. But so bitter that you weren't there to see or hear it.
It is so sweet to watch them take their first steps into the world. To stand at the sidelines and cheer for them. To shout for joy with their accomplishments and wrap your arms around them in their disappointments. But so bitter to stand at a distance sometimes as you watch those steps. Bitter to know that disappointments will come sooner or later.
It is so sweet to learn to let go and trust. Trust that my children are in the hands of Another. That He will hold them in the palm of His hand. It is so sweet to trust that my children will carry my love for them in their hearts all the days of their lives. It is bitter though to know that I can't always control everything.
One the first day of school, I watch them. He is in second grade. Eating his waffles with his hair sticking up in the back even though I have tried to tame it. She is eating her English muffin with butter and cinnamon. Kicking her shiny black shoes and occasionally smoothing down her skirt. She is singing a song and he hums his own little tune. Oblivious to the life changing thoughts running through Mommy's head. I look at my sweet little babies growing up one moment at a time.
"Time to go," I say trying to chock back some tears. They put on their giant book bags. Smiling and ready to tackle the world....or at least the elementary school. Pictures and pictures. Then we get into the van. I walk them into the school. I notice Will is holding his book bag straps and not my hand as we walk in. That is ok....I guess. We stop in front of Rachel's class and I kiss her good-bye. As I let go of her hand but she takes my heart. I blink back tears and smile and wave. I pray that the kids will love her as much as we do and her teacher will think she hung the moon like I do.
I walk my boy to second grade. He reaches for my hand. Nervous. I squeeze his hand and tell him to watch where we are going so he can find his room. "Why?" he asks. "Because I didn't think I would walk you down here everyday." "Why not?" he asked. "I guess I could if you want," I told him. He looks up at me, something I treasure while I still can, and he smiles and says "I want." We arrive at his bright yellow classroom. I see familiar faces of his friends. I see little desks all lined up in a row. I know one of the desks is his. I hug him tight. Hold on for a second longer. He walks into his classroom, throws up his hands, and says "hello everybody." I chuckle as I walk away. As I walk through the halls, I pray for them. First for my children. I pray that for their health and safely. I pray that a passion for education will be instilled in their hearts. I pray that they let their light shine for everyone to see. That someday they could perhaps share their faith and love those who need it.
I walked into the school with two and now I climb into the van as one. I sit and buckle the seat belt. Suddenly everything gets so fuzzy. The tear slid down my cheek and onto my lap. My throat tightens and I gasp. Finally I let myself have my first day cry. I cry because first days are so bitter sweet. Bitter because I now sit here alone. But so sweet knowing how blessed I am to have these amazing kids in my life. Sweet to know how these children will touch the world. So very sweet to know that they will come home and still crawl up on my lap and tell me about their new friends, what they played, and what they learned. So bitter sweet.
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