run......

I am not a runner. My most dreaded day in all of middle school was the mile run. Wow- what a horrible experience. Worst than the last slow dance in the middle school gym and finding yourself standing alone. Worse than the time I got hundred on my algebra final and the teacher had to point it out...to ...the ...whole....class.

The Mile. My gym teacher would line us all up. With her dreaded stop watch she would scream go. And we all went. Of course we all started by sprinting. This was middle school of course and the goal is to always stay with the crowd. Then we would have people (like me) slowly dropping out to walk. Feeling like your heart was about to be ripped from your chest and being absolutely certain you are going to die. When the "fast" girls would hit the finish line, my gym teacher called out their time. She also had a garbage bag positioned right by the finish line so the girls could puke. Seriously. Is it any wonder I was in the middle....at the end. And it was ever so embarrassing to have your TIME screamed into the field. Nice....I am sure that would not be allowed with today's privacy laws! ;)

I was so happy to get to high school where there was no mile. Oh wait. There was the cross country training. And swimming. Oh, co-ed swimming. shudder.....

I never liked running. Never. When I wanted to get in shape (AKA I had a baby) I joined Curves. I watched what I ate. I rode a bike. I went for 3 mile walks. I did not run. That, my friends, was akin to torture.

And one day I lost my mind. I thought, hey, maybe I should try running. Keep in mind, I had just had my 4th child and was in worse shape than my grandma. Although Grandma Yackuboskey is pretty tough..... I got to thinking about the heart disease that was raging in my family and frankly I don't want to die. Maybe I should try to get in shape? Be able to climb the stairs without getting winded? Actually lose the baby weight this time?

I got on a treadmill. Something was wrong. Oh yeah! I should probably wear shoes. So I put on my shoes. With socks even. And I ran. For about a minute. I felt the old "I think I am going to die." So I walked for a minute. I continued this for about 20 minutes. Got off soaked in sweat and prayed for the angels to come carry me away. The next day I hurt. But I got back on the treadmill.

I am taking a class on motivation. It is centering on reading, however I find it interesting that I can apply it to my running. Today I ran for 30 straight minutes outside and only had two mini stops. That is a great accomplishment for this non-runner. I was motivated by my desire to make a commitment and stick to it. By my desire to prove that I can do something I thought I never could. My desire to do it was bigger than the fear telling me I couldn't.

Did I think I could do it? Nope. Did I want to stop? You bet ya. My legs were screaming at me and my lungs.... But I thought to myself "you can do this. Just think about the end. Think about how proud you will be." Every time my legs were aching and I gave my self permission to stop, I couldn't. I knew I had to do it. I had to keep going. So I did. And I made it home.

Sometimes things in life seem so impossible. How will I ever..... But we do. We put on our running shoes and do it. Can we stop? Sure. Should we? Absolutely not. Because the pain we are feeling now will be nothing when we get to that final victory. That feeling of "I overcame that." We give up too easily. If something is hard we quit. I don't want to quit. I want to do it.

"In a race all the runners take part in it, but only one of them wins the prize. Run, then, in such a way as to win the prize. Every athlete in training submits to strict discipline; he does so in order to be crowned with a wreath that will not last; but we do it for one that will last forever." 1 corth 9:24-25

And while I am certainly no marathon runner, tonight I was a runner. With cute pink shoes and a new MP3 player!

new goal

I did it. I made it. I made my weight loss goal. It wasn't really my GOAL. It was the weight I am at before I have another baby. I always want to be this weight before having another one. Which I have done....except for that Luke.

But what do I do once I hit the goal? I made a new one. Move the ticker another 5 pounds. Cause really I think my GOAL is 10 more pounds. Although I won't really know until I get there. I do not expect to have abs of steel (or any abs for that matter) but I do want to feel like me again.

And I really want to start running again. Really I have gotten this far without a lot of exercise. And before you proclaim how lucky I am, trust me. You wouldn't want the stress and all of the sickness I have dealt with to get here. SO here is to another 5 pounds. My hope is to get there before school is out. We will see.

Rock Star Day

Rachel- "Today is Rock Star day."
Me- "Really?"
Rachel- "Yep, and since I am a rock star everyone has to be nice to me."
Me- "umm..ok."

One hour later.....
Me- "Hello rock star."
Rachel- "You didn't say Hannah Montana Rock Star."
Me "Sorry, Hello Hannah Montana Rock Star."
Rachel smiles.

Couple hours later....
Me- "Hey, Hannah Montana Rock Star."
Rachel - "Mommy, I am NOT a rock star anymore. I am a princess."
Apparently I will never be in the loop.

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So what is up? With me, I am tired. I know, isn't everyone. But I am SO happy to point out that this is the last day of January. And although I have been trying to be all positive and all, but I am ready for the calendar to move it on!

School has been crazy busy. We have started Guided Reading. And although I think it yields amazing results for little guys (and gals) it is a ton of work. I have to plan and do 8 new centers a week. Until March when we plan 16 a week! I have to think of them, get all of the materials ready. Plus get plans ready for 6 individual reading group lessons. I am not complaining cause truly I LOVE my job. I get to hang out with an awesome group of little people who are growing in leaps and bounds but I am tired! Plus I am tying to keep my plans ahead a couple of weeks!

Which is why I didn't feel to bad about chilling out for most of today. I have been feeling under the weather. I have a lump in my throat that I am not sure what is going on? I don't know if it is wisdom teeth related or not? I have an appointment coming.

And I am very close to being 10 pounds from my original weight loss goal. That is where I was when I got pregnant with Rachel. That means I am 20 pounds from my ultimate goal. Where I was before William. I am working at it! I am on day 14 of the shr*ed. And looking to what I will do next. It feel nice to be moving in the right direction at least!

And last but not least we went to our house meeting. I can't believe I could sit there and just PICK what I wanted. We are quite a ways away but step one went well!

promise me forever

William walked into the room with a glass of milk. Since I was the only one home I asked him where he got the milk? He answers "well, ya know mom, I am almost 6." Then I just stare at him. "Oh no, no, no. Not 6. I have dealt with kindergarten and the school bus but you are not turning 6. Pinky promise me you will stay 5 forever." And Will answers with his always answer. "I don't know about that one." I fake pout and Will said "Mommy, what if I pinky promise that I will love you forever?" And with that I saw him at 16. A grown-up little man. And me reminding him that he promised that he will love me forever. He is my first one. The one who made me a mother. And I guess he can turn 6 soon if he promises to love me forever.

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So.....with Rachel. Tonight I asked her to get me a spoon and she of course ignored me. Luke said "I get you one mommy." Again, why I love my boys. I said thanks Luke. No thanks Rachel. And she says to me, " I only listen to my best friend Dad." And doesn't THAT just say it all.

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I finished level 1 today. I move to level 2 tomorrow in the sh.red. Getting frustrated. Feel like I am not making much progress. Sigh... Hopefully things improve.

small chunks

I like things in small chunks. I feel like I can handle them better. When I am pregnant, I always divide even the trimesters up into smaller chunks. I remember when I was pregnant with Will I even made a chart I would color. Yeah, that's me.

So today I did day 5. That is half way through level 1 on the Sh*red. Now, they have 3 levels (hence the 30 days) but I like looking at it this way. Sounds better than I am on day 5 of 30!! So far so good. It is still hard and I worked out at 9 pm last night, but I am still doing it! Tomorrow is my week one weigh in at school. Little nervous about that one. Still looking for a better eating plan.

On to other news...when I was growing up, my dad would always say to me "I hope you have a child just like you." And I hardly think he meant my GPA or love of reading. So, I am trying to find something and I ask Rachel to please go get her sister a toy as she was fussing. No answer. So I request a little louder. Rachel is ignoring me. First, this takes a second to register. Then I pull out the middle name and tell her I am about to call her father. *side note- what is up with the fear of daddy. He just has to say her name and she listens??* Anyhow, she looks at me and says with hands on hips "fine, MU-TH-ER." Are you kidding me? At 4. She was on the time out chair for a trip. But oh she is so much like me. Only cuter. So this could be trouble. Like she was leaving daycare the other day and a BOY yelled "bye Rachel I love you." And she smiles and waves. I said "who was that?" She shruggs. "I don't know." Now, that she doesn't get from me, but goodness.

sunday, sunday

I exercised. That makes day 2 for those of you keeping track, and oh trust me am I keeping track! I didn't want to do it. I was tired and felt yuck. But I got my butt of the couch and did it. Of course I am glad I did cause I feel better. Like I am really TRYING to do this. I still don't feel good about my whole eating thing. I try and tell myself little steps.

Anyways, we went to church for the first time in 3 weeks. In church I was rocking Bella and looking at her. My goodness is she getting big. It is not that my other angels aren't but with a baby it is on fast forward. She is grabbing my necklace. Looking up at me. Then she fell asleep in my arms. What an absolute joy to be holding her. Such a precious face.

No school tomorrow. I have a drs appointment in the morning and then we are going shopping to get William some pants! I hate shopping but it can't be avoided!

Day 1 (again)

Here I am on day 1 of weight loss goal. Now, I have a little motivation. I joined a group at work. Every Thursday we weigh ourselves. We paid 12 dollars to start. When you weigh in, if you have stayed the same, you pay 50 cents. If you gain, you pay a dollar. We have 15 weeks. We keep track of our progress and see who is the "big*gest lo*ser." I have added a ticker so I can update it every Thursday.

Now, 17.2 pounds is my first goal. That will be where I was pre-baby Rachel. I really want to lose 10 pounds after that. But my first goal, wanted to look at and feel ok about. 27.2 is a little daunting to think about.

So today I started the 30 day shred (again), I hope to do it EVERYDAY. But sometimes fitting it in is a problem. I will try my best. I am not adding the treadmill again yet. I feel like I may have over done it in November. I am going to work on this first.

I wish I had a plan for the diet. I did do up a chart (cause I am crazy like that). I will mark what I eat and what I do for exercise. I have thought about weigh*t Wat*chers online. For now I am going to try and calorie count. I only drink water and no calorie stuff. Except for coffee at time. And sometimes I NEED it.

Let's see how it goes!

Turning of a page

I have never been one for new year's resolutions. I am not sure if I have ever made one before. Everyone usually says the same thing. Lose weight, save money, be nicer.... But this year I think I may make some. A few actually.

First- lose weight. hahaha Yes. The number one resolution on everyone's list. But seriously, I had a baby 3 months ago. With this resolution comes the idea of eating better and exercising more. I am about 10 pounds away from my first goal. Which puts me 20 from my ultimate goal. Goodness, that is a lot of treadmill and Jillian Michael's sweat.

Second, save money. Really. Each pay check I am going to put something into the savings. Something.... Savings accounts lower stress for me!

Third, and this is my favorite- Keep It Simple! I am busy. Although I am sure we all can say the same. But someone asked me what I like to do. And I sat there and had to think and think. My world is so busy that I always have something I have to or should be doing. This year I want to simplify things. Say no more. Say yes more! Enjoy things more.

The turning of a page....

1 time a week..

Is what I seem to be averaging here. ARGH! I wanted to do this to journal life and such so I must start to do a better job!

On the exercising front. I have lost 5 pounds. Which may sound wonderful. 5 pounds in half a month. But I guess when you are looking at the big picture I feel like I should have lost more. Actually with all of the sweat (and tears) I feel like I should have lost at least 60!!! I can't imagine being a Bigg.est Los.er contestant and looking at hundreds of pounds! I am about 15 away from my goal. My first goal actually. I would like to lose another 10 after that for the summer. Ahhhh... Such a dreamer.

I have been doing ok on the exercising part. I do the shred everyday and about every other day or more in the tread. But the eating. I am so terrible at this part. My friend gave me a low carb thing but I can't do that. I don't know what to pack and eat for lunch. Those diet shakes make me sick. I have to work on it!

Will is sick. HE has been running a fever and throwing up for 2 days. An ER trip may be in the works. Rachel has started a Christmas list. She wants two of everything. Luke is doing quite well on the potty training. Mostly no accidents at home. Have not even thought about underwear outside! Bella is growing like a weed. She is seriously huge! Such a baby doll!

School is going wonderful! I am loving kindergarten. The kids are funny and you just have to have a sense of humor. I am loving what I am doing right now. I kind of let decorating my room go for Thanksgiving since I was on leave (although we have lots of scarecrows)! But for Christmas I want it to be exciting for them. I will put up my tree the day before we leave I think.

I am off to look up some recipes for lunch/dinner. I need some help!

who likes to run?

Once upon a time there was a young girl. She liked to eat. And what she didn't like to do was exercise. And that young girl gained weight- lots of it. And one day when she tried to squeeze into her fat jeans...she snapped. And that young girl, my friends, was me.

hahaha Seriously. This was sometime in high school and snap I did. I began to exercise in my room. I began to take long (3-6 mile) walks. I rode an exercise bike. And I stopped eating. Well, almost totally stopped eating. I was very unhealthy. I dropped about 30 pounds. People said I looked good. Which I was happy about. I felt horrible. But I remember the day I fit into a pair of shorts I hadn't worn for at least 2 years. I was so happy. Eventually I came to my senses and started to eat again. Much to the joy of my mother.

Fast forward a few (ahem) years. Since being married I have put on weight. Quite a bit actually. I don't really think it has much to do with the whole married part as much as the having 4 kids in 5 years part. And now I am ready to lose the weight. Well, not sure about how much weight we are talking about...but I have begun.

And I have found out ...excersice....I still hate it. But I made a commitment that I would start the 30 ...d.ay sh.red on November 1st. So I am on level 1. It is hard. It is kicking my butt. I wake up in the morning and think- I have to do that video....ugh!! But I am doing it. And sweating. And dying! But losing. I am thinking and dreaming too. Maybe I can do this??

I have also added the treadmill into my day just because I like the pain. I started off with 10 min. Hey, no laughing!! Then I have moved (on day 6 no less) to 20 min. I fast walk for 2 min and then run for 1.

I have watched what I eat but haven't been focusing on that this week. I am going to try better to do that next week. I am def. drinking more water and only dt. tea when I can't stand it. We will see how it goes. Maybe I could start to like it? Nah...but perhaps I will fit into my shorts again.