A tale of two shoes....

Good morning Monday! And yes I am aware that this is Tuesday, but this was what my feet looked like yesterday as I was dropping off the baby at my mom's. Yes, that is two separate shoes. But in my defense they are both black. The only reason I noticed was becasue I tripped on my heel. Only one shoe has a heel. The other is a wedge. I did have an extra pair in the van. I changed before I made a real fool of myself at school. Until I post it for the whole internet to see.

One of my bestest once said to me that as soon as we open our eyes, we hit the ground running. Especially now that school has started that couldn't be more true. I am not complaining. I truly love my job. Being a full time 5th grade teacher is something I wouldn't trade for the world. But there is no denying my world becomes (more) crazy!

I do as much as I can the night before. That means I have lunches packed, bookbags set, clothes laid out. Sometimes I even let the cereal bowls on the table! In the morning, I wake up first and get myself ready. Then I hit up the oldest child first and work my way to the baby. I wake them up and get them dressed, moving, and headed to the bathroom. We all move down to the kitchen where breakfast is eaten. We head to the front door where shoes go on and usually hair is done. Then into the van. Three stops later I am on my way to work. Apparently with matching shoes only some of the time.

With the start of school also comes dance, scouts, and soccer. I am still taking my ESL graduate course. It is over in November thank goodness. Choir starts in church.

Again, I certainly am not complaining. I love my life full, loud, and busy. My kids are amazing and they bring such color and joy to my world. I couldn't imagine my life any other way. I love my job. I truly feel like I make an impact in their world everyday. If only I could put on matching shoes I wold be set!

burnt pancake

A long time ago, in a far away land lived a girl. A girl who loved the sunshine. A girl who loved to sit in the sunshine and read a book. Any kind of book really. She kept records of all of the books she read. She turned page after page in her notebook, filling the lines with stacks and stacks of books. Romance or mystery, fiction or non-fiction- it was all good.
That girl…was me. ;)

A while ago Scott and I were talking with a friend about what we liked to do for fun. Scott sat and named two handfuls of things off the top of his head. I sat there. Our friend asked me what I like to do for fun. Before I could part my lips, my darling husband answered for me. She doesn’t like to have fun. Although I am sure he might have gotten an elbow from me, he might be partly right. And partly wrong. It certainly isn’t that I don’t like to have fun. But I honestly couldn’t think of what I like! What a sorry thing that is. You know you have a problem when you can’t come up with a answer to that question.

I saw an interview years ago, where they were interviewing Teri Hatcher about her book- burnt toast. Interesting name for a book. It came from the fact that we, as mothers, always eat the burnt toast. If something gets burnt, we will not serve it. We eat it ourselves. Why not throw it away and start again? Not sure. But I can tell you I ate a burnt pancake on Saturday. AND when everyone was done, I ended up throwing away 2 good pancakes that didn’t get eaten.
I guess this all to say, I think we might be a tad bit hard on ourselves as mothers. And look out if you are a working mother. We have to be all things to all people. Self sacrifice, almost self torture- ok the pancake was not that bad. We feel guilty leaving the kids. We feel guilty if we pick up a book and the laundry isn’t done. We feel like a failure if we forgot milk. No wonder I can’t figure out what fun is.

I put some thought in what do I like? And I had to think back to the past. And I remembered reading. I used to love love love to read. Between wife, mommy to 4, full time teacher, housekeep and cook, I didn’t have time to pick up a book. If I did pick up the book, I have a list playing in the back of my mind about all of the things I could/should be doing.
I bought a book. A couple of books actually. I am reading them. It is my step in the direction of fun. Do I read every day? No. But I am getting better. I also remembered that I like going out to eat. Someone tell my husband…..

Rock Star Day

Rachel- "Today is Rock Star day."
Me- "Really?"
Rachel- "Yep, and since I am a rock star everyone has to be nice to me."
Me- "umm..ok."

One hour later.....
Me- "Hello rock star."
Rachel- "You didn't say Hannah Montana Rock Star."
Me "Sorry, Hello Hannah Montana Rock Star."
Rachel smiles.

Couple hours later....
Me- "Hey, Hannah Montana Rock Star."
Rachel - "Mommy, I am NOT a rock star anymore. I am a princess."
Apparently I will never be in the loop.

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So what is up? With me, I am tired. I know, isn't everyone. But I am SO happy to point out that this is the last day of January. And although I have been trying to be all positive and all, but I am ready for the calendar to move it on!

School has been crazy busy. We have started Guided Reading. And although I think it yields amazing results for little guys (and gals) it is a ton of work. I have to plan and do 8 new centers a week. Until March when we plan 16 a week! I have to think of them, get all of the materials ready. Plus get plans ready for 6 individual reading group lessons. I am not complaining cause truly I LOVE my job. I get to hang out with an awesome group of little people who are growing in leaps and bounds but I am tired! Plus I am tying to keep my plans ahead a couple of weeks!

Which is why I didn't feel to bad about chilling out for most of today. I have been feeling under the weather. I have a lump in my throat that I am not sure what is going on? I don't know if it is wisdom teeth related or not? I have an appointment coming.

And I am very close to being 10 pounds from my original weight loss goal. That is where I was when I got pregnant with Rachel. That means I am 20 pounds from my ultimate goal. Where I was before William. I am working at it! I am on day 14 of the shr*ed. And looking to what I will do next. It feel nice to be moving in the right direction at least!

And last but not least we went to our house meeting. I can't believe I could sit there and just PICK what I wanted. We are quite a ways away but step one went well!

This is why...

a mom can't take a shower when husband is on night shift...

and this isn't even half of it...the stove, the wall, the countertop, the bathroom door...

Blue Monday

Yesterday I was sad. Break was ending and I had to go back to work. And Scott was starting night shift and I felt lonely. I started to get everyone's stuff out. The night before work I always lay out the kids clothes for the next day, make sure all coats, hats, gloves are ready, all kids bathed, and ready for bed. Then we got a 2 hour delay which was nice. But when I got up in the morning, there was the sadness. I have always hated snow. Even as a kid. So the snow makes me feel depressed. Sort of like a blanket covering. Here I had to get my kids up and dressed. And go out in the cold. Then we struggled to even reach the van. Then I did my 3 different drop offs. Then off to school.

I shouldn't complain. I love my job. I really really do. I honestly would never want to do anything else. I feel I am good at it. I also stand firm in our decision to have me work. Different things work for different families. This works for us. The fact that my schedule follows my kids and I get all summer off is wonderful. I get a nice Christmas break. My income allows things like not worrying about heat and things.

Then I heard someone say today is called "Blue Monday." The day after the holidays were people tend to feel sad. And although I am not one to miss the holiday, I do miss hanging out with the kids. Playing wii and eating when we want. No schedule and just relaxing. A combination I think of the snow and going back.

So for tonight, I am going to put the kids in bed, make a cup of hot tea, and read a good book. Tomorrow is another day.

And for fun.....

Monday Review-
1. Believe the 4 year old when she says she is going to pee her pants
2. The first day back from break is rough for kindergartners (and their teacher!)
3. I am so thankful for heat...
4. 74 days until spring

snowing...

I had a good friend once tell me "trying to clean a house while the children are growing, is like trying to shovel the driveway while it is still snowing." Which is a fantastic metaphor! I can just picture it! And it is so true! How ever it doesn't really make me feel any better as I look about my house.

Many, many times I have been told "I don't know how you do it all." And I tell them "not very well." Which I feel is so true. I am very busy. But, yes we all are busy in our own ways and no one needs to hear that. I guess being off this summer has helped somewhat. I have kept up fairly well with the household stuff. And by fairly well, I mean we have had clean clothes to wear and food to eat. - Even if that one time my mom had to run over a couple of boxes of mac and cheese!


But now the true fun will begin again. I start back to work in a week and a half.I have always said "in my next life I am coming back as a man." I do not doubt my husband works hard. But I carry way more responsibility that him. I am responsible for the house, the kids, the bills, the insurance....and more. My husband once told me about this book he was reading (aka listening to on tape). It compared our brains to a computer. Men have one program open. If you try to talk to them about ANYTHING else, they must shut down the program they are on, and open up the other program. In other words, one window at a time. Woman of course are different. We can have windows littering our screens. We flow from program to program with ease and often time connect them. I was stunned that Scott can only hold one thing at a time. He was stunned that I am ALWAYS operating at least 5 programs- even while trying to sleep.


So as he is thinking about 1. painting the kids room. I am thinking about dinner, about my classroom, about where I can get a baby car seat, can we fix the kids dressers, the van stinks and needs cleaned, my ultra sound on Thursday, my behavior plan at work....and the list goes on.

Which is one reason why when Scott broke his tooth and was complaining I told HIM to call the dentist. I was going to make him an appointment months ago and he wouldn't go-no time. And he said "well, if you would have just made me the appointment I would have gone." And I burst into tears. Granted I know he was just kidding. He was laughing. But I told him, I am responsible for so much. I can not also be responsible for your teeth!In a couple of weeks I go back to work. To teach kindergarten. In a couple of weeks, my baby starts kindergarten. In a couple of weeks I will give birth to baby #4. It is more than a little overwhelming and daunting.