Tonight Scott is on night shift. I am not a big fan of night shift. For one thing, I have to put the kids to bed by myself. And get drinks by myself. And prepare, serve, and clean up dinner by myself. When people ask me how I can possibly work and have so many small children, I always answer by telling them about my mom and husband. They are fabulous. My husband is an awesome father. The other thing is that I don't like to cook when he isn't here. Just doesn't seem worth it. However, I sucked it up today and made spaghetti for the kids. We sat around the table together, and as the boys ate naked noodles and Bella slurped hers, Rachel had a question.
"Mommy, when you saw daddy at the restaurant, what made you pick him?"
"What?"
"What made you pick daddy? Was it cause he was funny or nice?"
"Actually I met daddy at church." Trying to buy time.
"Oh. Well what made you pick him anyway?"
This question was monumental in a couple ways. First, I want to convey to my young daughter what was important. What is important when choosing a boy. I know she is only 6, but she is asking. Second, I want to remember. I want to tell her why I did choose daddy.
"I choose daddy because he loved Jesus." This is true. We met in youth group and began as friends. A long story I should share sometime. But he did love Jesus. And I saw that. And because of that I knew he would love me.
"I also chose Daddy because he is the most loving and kind person I ever met." Which is certainly true as well. You would be hard pressed to find a more compassionate and warm hearted person. I have often told him he is way too nice to me. Way more understanding, forgiving, He would go out of his way for anyone and is the best hugger in the world.
"And of course I chose Daddy cause he is funny and makes me laugh." Another thing that is wonderful about my husband is how he can light up a room with his sense of humor. He is the life of any party and can do many voiced at the drop of a hat.
Rachel's face lit up and laughed. So very pleased with my answer. She loves to hear good things about her dadddy. I pray that my girls find such a man someday. Someone who lights up their life with joy and supports them with quiet strength. A man who is so good, kind, and loving that he draws people to him. I pray my boys will continue to be such young men. But I am so glad that he picked me.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Once upon a time
Once upon a time….in the land of make believe….there was a fresh faced young girl who knew her life was going to be perfect. First, she would conquer the world in her career. She was choosing to work with children and was going to change the world one kid at a time. Her shining stars would grow brighter; her struggling ones would excel under her tutoring. It would be amazing. In the land of make believe.
Her marriage would be a fairytale. Her prince would come and fulfill her every wish and desire. He would be strong and handsome. Trustworthy and dedicated. No disappointment would grace her door. He would love her sacrificially and make sure all of her needs were met. And she would be the picture perfect wife. In the land of make believe.
Her children would rise up and call her blessed. They too would be a step above the rest. After all, mom and dad are perfect. Dinner on the table every night, homework completed without a fight or mess, socks all matched in the drawers, and a goodnight story and kiss to end every night. In the land of make believe.
Her house would be breath taking. But not in a huge overstated way. A comfortably, always clean way. Where people felt welcomed and refreshed. She would be the perfect host. Floor spotless and dishes done. Pictures of her perfect marriage and perfect children graced the walls. In the land of make believe.
However, the land of make believe was not to be. The funny thing about perfect is that the more you try to move towards it, the further it seems to get. It is like the end of the rainbow. Just when it seems in sight, it moves. It vanishes, or suddenly becomes something different.
The girl discovered that not all things are perfect. One of the most shocking discoveries was how selfish she herself was. Love didn’t seem to flow like it should but in silly childish starts and stops. Her frustrations continued as her laundry piles grew, the children fought and cried, her husband had his own priorities, and life seemed to spin out of control. The dishearted girl….in the land of reality…..cried, “I can’t do it. This is not what I thought it would be.” And this is where her story turned.
In all reality, would perfect be all that wonderful. If I had perfect, would I know the feeling of triumph after so many failures? Would I know the feeling of hope and courage after rising after so many falls? Would I know the joy of sacrificial and unconditional love that flows from one imperfect person to another?
But most importantly, it is in my weakness where Christ can be my strength. In the surrender of myself and all my perfect dreams where freedom can come. The Bible tells me “Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Cor 12:9-10
We often think of strength as in being in control. Of following your plan. But even on my strongest day, I am nothing but a vapor compared to the goodness and strength of my God. Why then do we carry it alone? Why must we stick to the plan? Lasting purpose and strength come from God alone. Transformation of my mind, body, and spirit are best left in His perfect hands. Certainly not mine. What I thought as perfect was fake. What I know as good and right is the path He has set out and that He oversees.
So I must let go. Leaving the world of make believe behind to face my world of reality. But in knowing that my reality with my God is better than a thousand days of "perfect."
Her marriage would be a fairytale. Her prince would come and fulfill her every wish and desire. He would be strong and handsome. Trustworthy and dedicated. No disappointment would grace her door. He would love her sacrificially and make sure all of her needs were met. And she would be the picture perfect wife. In the land of make believe.
Her children would rise up and call her blessed. They too would be a step above the rest. After all, mom and dad are perfect. Dinner on the table every night, homework completed without a fight or mess, socks all matched in the drawers, and a goodnight story and kiss to end every night. In the land of make believe.
Her house would be breath taking. But not in a huge overstated way. A comfortably, always clean way. Where people felt welcomed and refreshed. She would be the perfect host. Floor spotless and dishes done. Pictures of her perfect marriage and perfect children graced the walls. In the land of make believe.
However, the land of make believe was not to be. The funny thing about perfect is that the more you try to move towards it, the further it seems to get. It is like the end of the rainbow. Just when it seems in sight, it moves. It vanishes, or suddenly becomes something different.
The girl discovered that not all things are perfect. One of the most shocking discoveries was how selfish she herself was. Love didn’t seem to flow like it should but in silly childish starts and stops. Her frustrations continued as her laundry piles grew, the children fought and cried, her husband had his own priorities, and life seemed to spin out of control. The dishearted girl….in the land of reality…..cried, “I can’t do it. This is not what I thought it would be.” And this is where her story turned.
In all reality, would perfect be all that wonderful. If I had perfect, would I know the feeling of triumph after so many failures? Would I know the feeling of hope and courage after rising after so many falls? Would I know the joy of sacrificial and unconditional love that flows from one imperfect person to another?
But most importantly, it is in my weakness where Christ can be my strength. In the surrender of myself and all my perfect dreams where freedom can come. The Bible tells me “Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Cor 12:9-10
We often think of strength as in being in control. Of following your plan. But even on my strongest day, I am nothing but a vapor compared to the goodness and strength of my God. Why then do we carry it alone? Why must we stick to the plan? Lasting purpose and strength come from God alone. Transformation of my mind, body, and spirit are best left in His perfect hands. Certainly not mine. What I thought as perfect was fake. What I know as good and right is the path He has set out and that He oversees.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Who want to go to the circus?
Not I said the Mommy! I wanted to curl up in bed with my Kindle and go to sleep. It has been a long week. But we did promise. Too bad our kiddos are old enough to remember promises. Glad we went though. The kids had a blast. Luke said that the motorcycles guys had super powers. Bella was thrilled with all the animals, but did not like it when the people went too high! Will of course laughed through the whole thing. Go and ask him what his favorite part was....EVERYTHING. Rachel thought the whole thing was awesome too. Except a costume a girl was wearing that Rachel though was too revealing. She said "Mommy, that girl looks ridiculous. You can see her butt." Keep that thought sweet heart. Showing butt=ridiculous.
saying cheese
Good idea at the time...buying the boys cotton candy. Seems like a bad idea 20 minutes later....buying the boys cotton candy.
My Princess.
We bring the circus with us. Wonder if I could get my dog to jump through hoops of fire? hhmmmm... j/k Patty! Maybe....
I wouldn't let her ride the slide for SIX dollars. I told her I would take her to the FREE park tomorrow where she could go down all she wanted. Of course daddy would have.... Daddy- 1,000 Mommy-0
Llama petting zoo at the circus. And Luke was thrilled. Really?
This child is just too much. And see, she got over the slide thing.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Anything like me
I remember sayin' I don't care either way
as long as he or she is healthy, I'm okay
And then the doctor pointed to the corner of the screen
And said, "You see that thing right there? Well, you know what that means"
I started wondering who he was going to be
And I thought heaven help us if he's anything like me
He'll probably climb a tree too tall and ride his bike too fast
End up every summer wearin' something in a cast
He's gonna throw a ball and break some glass
In a window down the street
He's gonna get in trouble, oh, he's gonna get in fights
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback
If he's anything like me
William- The joke around my house is that Will is Scott Jr. I will never know why we didn't name him that. He and his father remind me of the old Patty Duke theme song. They laugh alike, they walk alike,
At times they even talk alike, you can lose your mind. They love the same things and have the same sayings. But he also has his dad's heart. All the good stuff. They love someone totally and with no strings attached. This is how I know my son will grow up to be a good man. Just like his dad.
Rachel- ....a little me. I listen to her talk. Of course she is better than me. She is the best things about me exaggerated. She is so smart. Very determined and fiercely loyal. She is her own girl too. Dressing up in the fanciest gown to go grocery shopping. Changing her nail color three times a day and using glitter like it is going out of style. My girl.
Luke- I hear tell that he is the picture of Scott when he was a kid. He certainly looks like Scott's mini me when Scott shaves. Sometimes I look at Luke and can't believe that he looks nothing like me. A boy who would melt your heart. "Every girl is beautiful and every boy is handsome." He tells me he loves me at least 20 times a day. Runs into the room just to let me know and then runs out. He is always on the go. Definitely more curious and daring than the rest. He climbs, jumps, rips apart, and likes to see how far he can push it. Ok, maybe he got that from me....
Bella- Such a combination of them all. She has Will's sense of humor, Rachel's sass, and Luke dare devil attitude. But her own flare. She is the baby and she knows it. My girl who loves her dog and her unicorn pillow. She has hair that matches her temper and her bright blue eyes are always telling stories. How did I get so lucky to have you dropped into our laps?
My sweet summer baby boy- Who will you be? Who will you look like and be like? I know this much. It will be a spark we never knew was missing until you are here!
as long as he or she is healthy, I'm okay
And then the doctor pointed to the corner of the screen
And said, "You see that thing right there? Well, you know what that means"
I started wondering who he was going to be
And I thought heaven help us if he's anything like me
He'll probably climb a tree too tall and ride his bike too fast
End up every summer wearin' something in a cast
He's gonna throw a ball and break some glass
In a window down the street
He's gonna get in trouble, oh, he's gonna get in fights
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback
If he's anything like me
William- The joke around my house is that Will is Scott Jr. I will never know why we didn't name him that. He and his father remind me of the old Patty Duke theme song. They laugh alike, they walk alike,
At times they even talk alike, you can lose your mind. They love the same things and have the same sayings. But he also has his dad's heart. All the good stuff. They love someone totally and with no strings attached. This is how I know my son will grow up to be a good man. Just like his dad.
Rachel- ....a little me. I listen to her talk. Of course she is better than me. She is the best things about me exaggerated. She is so smart. Very determined and fiercely loyal. She is her own girl too. Dressing up in the fanciest gown to go grocery shopping. Changing her nail color three times a day and using glitter like it is going out of style. My girl.
Luke- I hear tell that he is the picture of Scott when he was a kid. He certainly looks like Scott's mini me when Scott shaves. Sometimes I look at Luke and can't believe that he looks nothing like me. A boy who would melt your heart. "Every girl is beautiful and every boy is handsome." He tells me he loves me at least 20 times a day. Runs into the room just to let me know and then runs out. He is always on the go. Definitely more curious and daring than the rest. He climbs, jumps, rips apart, and likes to see how far he can push it. Ok, maybe he got that from me....
Bella- Such a combination of them all. She has Will's sense of humor, Rachel's sass, and Luke dare devil attitude. But her own flare. She is the baby and she knows it. My girl who loves her dog and her unicorn pillow. She has hair that matches her temper and her bright blue eyes are always telling stories. How did I get so lucky to have you dropped into our laps?
My sweet summer baby boy- Who will you be? Who will you look like and be like? I know this much. It will be a spark we never knew was missing until you are here!
Friday, March 16, 2012
Pennies and what matters most
My two year old daughter was a mess. Her little face was covered in dirt. Her clothes stained with orange Popsicle. Half her hair matted down with heaven only knows what while the other half stood straight up. So all in all she had a fabulous day. Now she was in the bathtub and she was not handing over what was tightly wrapped in her hand. My daughter had lots of "monies" and she was not giving them up to her mother.
Bella was clutching a fist worth of pennies. About 5 in her little dirt smudged hand. I promised to give them back as soon as bath was over. She pulled her balled up fist to her chest and shook her head back and forth. "no Mommy. My monies!" So I let her take her fortune with her into the bathtub. Only one minor snafu was when she dropped some of her gold treasure in the bubble tub and we had to go on an emergency search and rescue. After all, this was five pennies.
I took her to her bedroom and was getting her ready for night-night. Here is where I had to draw the line. No way was I letting her sleep with the monies. After a lot of convincing and a promise to give her another "money" in the morning, she finally agreed to open her hand and let me place her 5 treasured pennies on her dresser. She watched them the whole way into the bed and looked at them over her milk cup. I swear she had one eye on me and one eye on the pennies at all times. Just wanting to make sure that mom didn't take off with her fortune. First thing in the morning, Bella asked for her monies again. Putting them in her purse, on the table, in her tea party cup, or anywhere else she traveled. The pennies were worth a lot more than 5 cents to her!
The next day I received a message from a devotional group I belong to. And it looked like this....
And I loved it. And I thought about it. And it made me think of pennies.
You see I am a busy lady. I bet if you are reading this, you are pretty busy too. Lives are so very very full. We have places to be and things to do. Obligations that must be met and deadlines looming. Bills need taken care of and time just runs short. But what really matters in my life? What truly is LIFE and DEATH. I began remembering a scripture I memorized years ago-
Psalm 39:4-6 says:
“Lord, make me to know my end,and what is the measure of my days,
That I may know how frail I am.
Indeed, the number of my days is small like the size of a hand.
And my age is as nothing before You.
Certainly every man at his best state is but vapor.”
Haven't we all heard the saying that "life is short." Truly it is. I couldn't begin to tell you how many times strangers have approached me when I am out and about with my kids and they tell me to cherish every minute. One time when I was with my four
And they won't. I am given such a small window of time here and now. Whats matters to me? What in my life will truly outlive me? Will it be the love for my husband? The dedication and determination of raising Godly wonderful children? Will it be the hand I offer to a friend or a word of comfort to a stranger? At times when so many things seem pressing into me at all times, I must remember what really matters. What counts for me. So much of it are simply pennies. I clutch at them. Worried that if I open my hands, all of my "pennies" will fall out. Then when I look close....really close....I see how next to worthless so much of it is. Why worry over things that are here today and gone tomorrow? Should I invest my time, energy, love, and talent into things of eternal value?
And this Lord, is my prayer
Psalm 90:12
“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom”.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Stop, Drop, and Roll
"Stop, drop, and roll!" my daughter yelled from the living room. True our house was full of smoke. True the smoke alarm was screaming its head off. But all is under control. I am just cooking dinner.
This morning I realized that tomorrow is my oldest's birthday. Now of course I am aware of the DAY I became a mom, but his birthday party is on Friday. So I kind of have been staring at that day for d-day. You know, the day I have to have a cake, presents, balloons...etc. This morning as we are allfalling tripping walking out the door, I realized that Will probably wants a snack tomorrow at school. I asked him what he wants. "Cupcakes." "Ok..great." "But they have to be handmade." "WHAT? WHY?" "I just wish they could be homemade." Insert guilt. "OK. White or chocolate." "How about both? That way they can choose." Sure
Fast forward through a crazy busy school day and I am picking Luke up at school. He dances out with a bucket attached to his book bag. Today is his day to fill the letter bucket. Super-duper. I pull into the house and have to get dinner on the move. Of course yesterday I didn't get around to my meal planning. So I walk from the freezer to the pantry about 5 times. I get out the pork to defrost. It did not look or smell good. So I get out the chicken. But what could I cook the chicken in?
It used to be a joke when Scott and I were first married on how much glass Tupperware we had. But over the last almost 9 years...things have happened. It has been lost or broken. The potatoes were already in the large one we have left. So what to do with the chicken? I am tired. Throw it on a baking sheet. Hence the splattering grease, smoke (but no fire), and my children stop, dropping, and rolling.
But no need to fear. I just hit the alarm button. I called my husband as I filled up round one of the cupcakes. "The house is filled with smoke." "Okay." Notice he doesn't ask. He says "You can open a window." "But then I will be cold." "Then the smoke will fill the house." "It is ok. The kids are already crawling on their knees. They are ok."
I would like to say that I wanted to get pizza. Really, I thought about it. But we are having pizza for Will's party and I am budgeting....SO I cooked. The smoke is dying down, as my super husband came home and covered it in foil to stop the splattering. Such a smart man I married. Round one of cupcakes are done and homework is completed. The bucket still needs filled. Round two of chocolate is still on the list. But the house is still standing. I say success!
This morning I realized that tomorrow is my oldest's birthday. Now of course I am aware of the DAY I became a mom, but his birthday party is on Friday. So I kind of have been staring at that day for d-day. You know, the day I have to have a cake, presents, balloons...etc. This morning as we are all
Fast forward through a crazy busy school day and I am picking Luke up at school. He dances out with a bucket attached to his book bag. Today is his day to fill the letter bucket. Super-duper. I pull into the house and have to get dinner on the move. Of course yesterday I didn't get around to my meal planning. So I walk from the freezer to the pantry about 5 times. I get out the pork to defrost. It did not look or smell good. So I get out the chicken. But what could I cook the chicken in?
It used to be a joke when Scott and I were first married on how much glass Tupperware we had. But over the last almost 9 years...things have happened. It has been lost or broken. The potatoes were already in the large one we have left. So what to do with the chicken? I am tired. Throw it on a baking sheet. Hence the splattering grease, smoke (but no fire), and my children stop, dropping, and rolling.
But no need to fear. I just hit the alarm button. I called my husband as I filled up round one of the cupcakes. "The house is filled with smoke." "Okay." Notice he doesn't ask. He says "You can open a window." "But then I will be cold." "Then the smoke will fill the house." "It is ok. The kids are already crawling on their knees. They are ok."
I would like to say that I wanted to get pizza. Really, I thought about it. But we are having pizza for Will's party and I am budgeting....SO I cooked. The smoke is dying down, as my super husband came home and covered it in foil to stop the splattering. Such a smart man I married. Round one of cupcakes are done and homework is completed. The bucket still needs filled. Round two of chocolate is still on the list. But the house is still standing. I say success!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
A tale of two shoes....
Good morning Monday! And yes I am aware that this is Tuesday, but this was what my feet looked like yesterday as I was dropping off the baby at my mom's. Yes, that is two separate shoes. But in my defense they are both black. The only reason I noticed was becasue I tripped on my heel. Only one shoe has a heel. The other is a wedge. I did have an extra pair in the van. I changed before I made a real fool of myself at school. Until I post it for the whole internet to see.
One of my bestest once said to me that as soon as we open our eyes, we hit the ground running. Especially now that school has started that couldn't be more true. I am not complaining. I truly love my job. Being a full time 5th grade teacher is something I wouldn't trade for the world. But there is no denying my world becomes (more) crazy!
I do as much as I can the night before. That means I have lunches packed, bookbags set, clothes laid out. Sometimes I even let the cereal bowls on the table! In the morning, I wake up first and get myself ready. Then I hit up the oldest child first and work my way to the baby. I wake them up and get them dressed, moving, and headed to the bathroom. We all move down to the kitchen where breakfast is eaten. We head to the front door where shoes go on and usually hair is done. Then into the van. Three stops later I am on my way to work. Apparently with matching shoes only some of the time.
With the start of school also comes dance, scouts, and soccer. I am still taking my ESL graduate course. It is over in November thank goodness. Choir starts in church.
Again, I certainly am not complaining. I love my life full, loud, and busy. My kids are amazing and they bring such color and joy to my world. I couldn't imagine my life any other way. I love my job. I truly feel like I make an impact in their world everyday. If only I could put on matching shoes I wold be set!
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Freedom isn't Free
He is a big boy. Frankly, pushing 30. If he ever sees this, he will complain. But too bad.
He is my baby brother. My other brother. We are 17 month apart. We grew up together. Had the same friends and played the same games. I remember screaming and fighting over baseball games as kids, but I also remember the day he stood up for me on the school bus. I always wanted the nightlight on in our bedroom but he said he couldn't sleep with it on. He waited until I fell asleep and then would turn off my light. I remember seeing him all dressed up for a Prom in a tux, and I remember the first time I saw him in uniform.
He is serving in the Air Force. Serving the United States of America. And as of last Tuesday, he is a deployed Airman. That means my baby brother is not in our country. He is so far away. Too far. He would never, ever call himself a hero and would flip out if it was even stated. But again...too bad. He is a hero to me.
He took a vow to defend us. To stand up and fight for those who won't or can't. For the kids who pledge allegiance to the flag every morning and for those who scream and curse at military funerals. For those men and woman who have greying hair now, but served so faithfully years ago and for rappers and songwriters who spew out garbage about a life they know nothing about. He defends the politicians who debate on the compensation he receives for serving and he serves those of us who wake up knowing that we can go where we want and say what we want without threat or violence. Our military who serves heroically, honorably, and faithfully. Without prejudice or pride.
To be honest, we are only as strong as those who are willing to fight for Justice. I have always stood on the side of respect and honor for the men and woman willing to serve. But it wasn't personal. Now my brother is overseas. I don't know where he is laying his head or what he eats for dinner. I don't know what he spends his days doing. I don't know if someone means him harm. Although he swears that he is fine.
Now I see. I see that he won't be home for the holidays. My mom can't pick up the phone and call him. We can't send him goofy pics of the kids. He won't send me a sarcastic text to this post. I am in no way complaining however. Some families have made an even more tragic sacrifice. Some people never got to plan the welcome home party I have stashed away in my head.
Freedom has never been free. Men and women have been standing on that line for you and for me since the beginning. As September 11th approaches, I look at all the heroes serving us that never hear a thank-you. And frankly, they don't even expect it. But today I say thank-you. To all of you serving in the military- My brother, my cousins, my friends. To those serving as policemen, firemen, and protectors of my freedom. I thank-you. I thank-you for everything.
He is my baby brother. My other brother. We are 17 month apart. We grew up together. Had the same friends and played the same games. I remember screaming and fighting over baseball games as kids, but I also remember the day he stood up for me on the school bus. I always wanted the nightlight on in our bedroom but he said he couldn't sleep with it on. He waited until I fell asleep and then would turn off my light. I remember seeing him all dressed up for a Prom in a tux, and I remember the first time I saw him in uniform.
He is serving in the Air Force. Serving the United States of America. And as of last Tuesday, he is a deployed Airman. That means my baby brother is not in our country. He is so far away. Too far. He would never, ever call himself a hero and would flip out if it was even stated. But again...too bad. He is a hero to me.
He took a vow to defend us. To stand up and fight for those who won't or can't. For the kids who pledge allegiance to the flag every morning and for those who scream and curse at military funerals. For those men and woman who have greying hair now, but served so faithfully years ago and for rappers and songwriters who spew out garbage about a life they know nothing about. He defends the politicians who debate on the compensation he receives for serving and he serves those of us who wake up knowing that we can go where we want and say what we want without threat or violence. Our military who serves heroically, honorably, and faithfully. Without prejudice or pride.
To be honest, we are only as strong as those who are willing to fight for Justice. I have always stood on the side of respect and honor for the men and woman willing to serve. But it wasn't personal. Now my brother is overseas. I don't know where he is laying his head or what he eats for dinner. I don't know what he spends his days doing. I don't know if someone means him harm. Although he swears that he is fine.
Now I see. I see that he won't be home for the holidays. My mom can't pick up the phone and call him. We can't send him goofy pics of the kids. He won't send me a sarcastic text to this post. I am in no way complaining however. Some families have made an even more tragic sacrifice. Some people never got to plan the welcome home party I have stashed away in my head.
Freedom has never been free. Men and women have been standing on that line for you and for me since the beginning. As September 11th approaches, I look at all the heroes serving us that never hear a thank-you. And frankly, they don't even expect it. But today I say thank-you. To all of you serving in the military- My brother, my cousins, my friends. To those serving as policemen, firemen, and protectors of my freedom. I thank-you. I thank-you for everything.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
We were campin'
Things I learned this camping trip....
1. If you brush your teeth with hand sanitizer, it stays with you all day. No gum or breath mint can help.
2. Thunderstorms and camping with 4 children (and a dog) make for a very long day.
3. Don't assume "oh they can wear that more than once" or for a few hours...
4. Luke should have ice cream in a bowl not a cone.
5. Will likes hammocks...a lot.
6. Do not give Luke a rock...cousins get stitches
7. Rachel still wears a dress everywhere. Even in muddy, rainy campin' weather. And if you try to talk her out of it, she will glare
8. Bella will disappear if your gaze wonders even to the fire and back. Usually though if you find David you find her
9. My husband and BIL may start a scooter club. Sorta like bikers only they ride pink scooters and pick up old women.
10. I actually had fun...perhaps we will go again.
1. If you brush your teeth with hand sanitizer, it stays with you all day. No gum or breath mint can help.
2. Thunderstorms and camping with 4 children (and a dog) make for a very long day.
3. Don't assume "oh they can wear that more than once" or for a few hours...
4. Luke should have ice cream in a bowl not a cone.
5. Will likes hammocks...a lot.
6. Do not give Luke a rock...cousins get stitches
7. Rachel still wears a dress everywhere. Even in muddy, rainy campin' weather. And if you try to talk her out of it, she will glare
8. Bella will disappear if your gaze wonders even to the fire and back. Usually though if you find David you find her
9. My husband and BIL may start a scooter club. Sorta like bikers only they ride pink scooters and pick up old women.
10. I actually had fun...perhaps we will go again.
BFFs for life
Me and my baby boy Will
Andy and Faith saving the day by killing the bees.
Hanging on the hammock
The glow thingie Daddy gave her
The twins...Luke and David
Our crew
Jenn loving the book
Rain rain go away!
Yep...Andy built a zip line..oh another thing I learned. Don't invite host's daughter to campsite if you intend to climb high into trees and hang a nice, steep zip line.
Beautiful Angel
Daddy and his princess
Issac giving me his happy campin' face!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
selfishness
I am just getting over the worst flu of my life. You know it is bad when I go to the hospital. AND I missed work.
But I will get to that. Scott and I, thanks to family, got to attend our 3rd Weekend to Remember Marriage conference. I can not express how amazing these retreats are. I learned so much. One of the most impacting things I learned is how selfish I am.
This might not seem like such an awesome revelation to some, but to me it made sense. We are all born selfish. We will all die selfish. No one wants to give up their own time, money, or biggest piece of the pie. Naturally we want it all for ourselves. All of us. That doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you human. Getting married doesn't change that. It just puts us in closer proximity to someone who is constantly reminding us that they want pie too.
What causes us to give up what we want? Loving another. Not that first you are so prefect and I could stare in your eyes forever love. But the kind of love my husband has continued to show me over this past 24 hours.
I came home from work yesterday SICK. To make a long story short, I had the flu. And didn't make it to the toilet. He cleaned up my puke because I couldn't even stand. At 10:00 pm he took me to the ER to get fluids, and meds to stop me from puking up stomach bile, and then slept on a chair as the fluids so slowly dripped because I was too dehydrated to find a proper vein. And when I complained how cold my arm was because I had to hold it out of the blankets he covered my arm with his and stayed in that awkward position for another hour. When we finally got home (and got my amazing brother off the couch as he had stayed with the kids) I went right up to bed. I heard Scott down fixing the fire. He let me sleep in and has been taking care of the kids all day. He called off of work so I can sleep. He took Rachel to dance and took the baby too so I could rest and is picking up dinner at McD's.
Did he want to do any of this? I told him thanks for being so good to me. All he ever says is that it is his job to take care of me. He just felt bad that I was feeling so bad.
That is love. Not chocolates, or flowers, or diamonds. Not Happy Valentines day cards that Hallmark has written about our beautiful love. Love is putting another's needs ahead of your own when you don't feel like it. When you really don't wanna. Love is pushing back your own selfish I want and I deserves and placing that gift of God (your spouse) in front.
I have so much to learn.
But I will get to that. Scott and I, thanks to family, got to attend our 3rd Weekend to Remember Marriage conference. I can not express how amazing these retreats are. I learned so much. One of the most impacting things I learned is how selfish I am.
This might not seem like such an awesome revelation to some, but to me it made sense. We are all born selfish. We will all die selfish. No one wants to give up their own time, money, or biggest piece of the pie. Naturally we want it all for ourselves. All of us. That doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you human. Getting married doesn't change that. It just puts us in closer proximity to someone who is constantly reminding us that they want pie too.
What causes us to give up what we want? Loving another. Not that first you are so prefect and I could stare in your eyes forever love. But the kind of love my husband has continued to show me over this past 24 hours.
I came home from work yesterday SICK. To make a long story short, I had the flu. And didn't make it to the toilet. He cleaned up my puke because I couldn't even stand. At 10:00 pm he took me to the ER to get fluids, and meds to stop me from puking up stomach bile, and then slept on a chair as the fluids so slowly dripped because I was too dehydrated to find a proper vein. And when I complained how cold my arm was because I had to hold it out of the blankets he covered my arm with his and stayed in that awkward position for another hour. When we finally got home (and got my amazing brother off the couch as he had stayed with the kids) I went right up to bed. I heard Scott down fixing the fire. He let me sleep in and has been taking care of the kids all day. He called off of work so I can sleep. He took Rachel to dance and took the baby too so I could rest and is picking up dinner at McD's.
Did he want to do any of this? I told him thanks for being so good to me. All he ever says is that it is his job to take care of me. He just felt bad that I was feeling so bad.
That is love. Not chocolates, or flowers, or diamonds. Not Happy Valentines day cards that Hallmark has written about our beautiful love. Love is putting another's needs ahead of your own when you don't feel like it. When you really don't wanna. Love is pushing back your own selfish I want and I deserves and placing that gift of God (your spouse) in front.
I have so much to learn.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
thingies
I was so excited! I had found the hair thingies. (real word-I think I have been reading too much fifth grade fiction? Frindle) I bought the cutest hair thingies for Rachel's new school year at daycare. They were cute little clips where one was a butterfly and one was a ladybug! The NICE rubber bands that her very thin and fine hair need. Little bows. All in one great package for one low price at wal*mart.- Sure wal*mart I will take some cash for that great plug in.
BUT we had lost them. By we, I mean my daughter and her much taller friend found them on TOP of the bathroom shelf and opened them. And spread them all over. After I found them, nicely*cough cough* sent them outside, and I put them in a plastic bag. Then I lost the bag. Oops.
But last night I found them. I was so happy I called Rachel in. She was not that impressed. I yelled at Scott to check it out. Again, he didn't see the reason to be jumping. Fine. I was pretty happy.
This morning. I wake up and come downstairs to take a shower. Brushing teeth and then I see something colorful in the toilet. You love how I check my toilet in the morning, huh? The baggie of hair thingies. Swirling in water..around and around. I sigh. And I am going to wal*mart with my three dollars to get a new set!
BUT we had lost them. By we, I mean my daughter and her much taller friend found them on TOP of the bathroom shelf and opened them. And spread them all over. After I found them, nicely*cough cough* sent them outside, and I put them in a plastic bag. Then I lost the bag. Oops.
But last night I found them. I was so happy I called Rachel in. She was not that impressed. I yelled at Scott to check it out. Again, he didn't see the reason to be jumping. Fine. I was pretty happy.
This morning. I wake up and come downstairs to take a shower. Brushing teeth and then I see something colorful in the toilet. You love how I check my toilet in the morning, huh? The baggie of hair thingies. Swirling in water..around and around. I sigh. And I am going to wal*mart with my three dollars to get a new set!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
choosing to be
Last night Rachel and I were laying in bed and discussing how we are all suppose to be working on "being nice" and "loving even when we don't feel like it." She was having "bad day." She threw her little hands up and said "I am trying to be kind but people just won't leave me alone. I try to go and be by myself and be kind and then people come and bug me!" Aaahhh...from the mouths of babes.
It is easy to be kind when it is just me and my coffee. Then you go adding all kind of people and things get a little hairy. But since I read this article by Janel, I can't stop thinking. ( a post of its own)! I need to get to the "heart" of the problem. And not just with my kids! With myself as well.
I understand my daughters laments. Sometimes it is so hard to be kind! If they would just leave me alone! Like when I am sick and my kids are all screaming and fighting. When my husband has forgotten to tell me to write that on the calendar. When I am forgotten by others. When my house is a mess. (you don't see the connection??)
When you come home from a very long day and you just want to get the kids fed and in bed and the neighborhood girl knocks on your door. Way past playing time. I am grumping as husband opens the door. She needs a flashlight. So Scott goes and gets her one. I grump on. (see how well my mouth challenge is going???) To be fair, I must defend myself in my head. He doesn't get it. The kids set the center piece on fire at the baby shower today! Rachel spilled a whole cup of coffee, when I didn't even get one sip, all over the table, floor, and chairs at the baby shower! I am sick-again- in my stomach. The list went on and on. Then my husband comes in and says "you know, we might be the only Jesus she ever sees." On that note, it became different.
My attitude is so important because who knows who my life is affecting. I know it affects my family. It affects my classroom. My friends and other family. Even though sometimes I might not feel like being kind, I need to choose to be kind anyway. Loving when I don't feel like loving. Even though I may have a list of good reasons not to be, like my little Rachel "They just won't stop being annoying"- her brothers.
Sometimes we don't know what list the other person is carrying. We don't know what is challenging their faith today. When we seem the most "annoying" that is when we need others kindness the most. I need to practice being kind. Loving even more when I don't feel like it.
It is easy to be kind when it is just me and my coffee. Then you go adding all kind of people and things get a little hairy. But since I read this article by Janel, I can't stop thinking. ( a post of its own)! I need to get to the "heart" of the problem. And not just with my kids! With myself as well.
I understand my daughters laments. Sometimes it is so hard to be kind! If they would just leave me alone! Like when I am sick and my kids are all screaming and fighting. When my husband has forgotten to tell me to write that on the calendar. When I am forgotten by others. When my house is a mess. (you don't see the connection??)
When you come home from a very long day and you just want to get the kids fed and in bed and the neighborhood girl knocks on your door. Way past playing time. I am grumping as husband opens the door. She needs a flashlight. So Scott goes and gets her one. I grump on. (see how well my mouth challenge is going???) To be fair, I must defend myself in my head. He doesn't get it. The kids set the center piece on fire at the baby shower today! Rachel spilled a whole cup of coffee, when I didn't even get one sip, all over the table, floor, and chairs at the baby shower! I am sick-again- in my stomach. The list went on and on. Then my husband comes in and says "you know, we might be the only Jesus she ever sees." On that note, it became different.
My attitude is so important because who knows who my life is affecting. I know it affects my family. It affects my classroom. My friends and other family. Even though sometimes I might not feel like being kind, I need to choose to be kind anyway. Loving when I don't feel like loving. Even though I may have a list of good reasons not to be, like my little Rachel "They just won't stop being annoying"- her brothers.
Sometimes we don't know what list the other person is carrying. We don't know what is challenging their faith today. When we seem the most "annoying" that is when we need others kindness the most. I need to practice being kind. Loving even more when I don't feel like it.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Listening
Scott doesn't really work a lot of nights. He works 7 out of every 28 days. Unless he does overtime. Which seems to always be night shifts....
But we sure do miss him when he is gone. I have been having stomach trouble....again. Of course tonight was a bad night. Scott is home. He got their drinks and is now reading their Bible Story with them. He leads them in the "thank-you God for _____" prayer. He tucks them in.
Certain things you don't think of when you are 17 years old and dating a cute boy. Good thing God thinks of them!
But we sure do miss him when he is gone. I have been having stomach trouble....again. Of course tonight was a bad night. Scott is home. He got their drinks and is now reading their Bible Story with them. He leads them in the "thank-you God for _____" prayer. He tucks them in.
Certain things you don't think of when you are 17 years old and dating a cute boy. Good thing God thinks of them!
Monday, August 16, 2010
self reflection
"It is never to late to become the person you might have been." - George Elliot
I took a class this summer called "Motivat*ing Students to Re*ad." One of the themes throughout the online 3 credit death trap aka interesting lecture was self reflection. The class opened and closed and did about 10 self reflectiong papers throughout. I was all self reflected out. I was about sick of looking at me thank-you very much!
But you never can underestimate the power of a mirror. At the end of the school year, a friend and I had a great conversation. We are both working mothers of young children with husbands and a host of other responsibilities. We were talking about everything that always needs done and the conversation slid to our faith. We are both Christians and we talked about how of the thing that should be first and foremost in our lives is so easily pushed aside. And that is just not right.
This summer I have been doing a lot of thinking...pondering...reading tons of books...and doing some self reflecting. I have seen that, man I need a lot of help! But where oh where to begin. So I prayed about it and I am starting with my mouth.
This is an area where I struggle. I am a pessimist. If something is going to go wrong, I think it will. I also tend to be loud when I am "asking" for everyone else to knock it off. It can get pretty crazy here at times to say the least. I have decided to check my speech. I will ask "do I have to say this?" If the answer is yes, then what is the best way to say it and where. The plan is to try and cut my speech in half (or at least tame it a bit) and make sure what I am saying needs to be said! For, example, calling Scott at work to tell him he forgot to take out the garbage and I had to do it...blah blah blah..is probably not necessary at that point and time.
"The tonuge also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and itselfset on fire by hell." James 3:6
"But the things that proceed out of the mouth some from the heart and those defile the man." Matt 15:18
This does not mean that I am going to succeed all the time. Heck, sometimes i have been awake for 10 minutes and need a do-over! I lose it too. But then I need to remember my plan and why I am doing this. I want to be a representation of Christ to my family. I can't so that if my mouth keeps on running ahead of me. I need to close my mouth.
To make things simple, I have also decided that at times I just need to be silent. When I am tired/stressed/overwhelmed (uh-oh I may never speak again), I just need to stop and listen. Which has stressed out my husband. He wants to know "what is wrong with you? are you ignoring me? Did I do something? Are you mad?" No, I am just self reflecting...although I don't think that will do much to clear up the confusion for him.....
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
The bug zapper
I have class every Thursday night. It is a night class. From 5:30-9:15...every Thursday. Last Thursday Scott was at work so my mother offered to keep the kids so I could learn about Language Acquisition. Fun.
It was late. I still had to get the kids in bed. I jumped out of the van, headed for the door with a mind whirling of the lists of things going on in my head.
Just a side note, but my husband was listening to a book on tape. The book was called For Men Only. It tried to unravel the female mind....good one. One day he told me that the book likes to compare the female mind to a computer. We have many many windows open at once. And although we might not be "working" on that screen, it is still open. Still processing. A woman can have many many windows open at the same time. My husband asked "is that true?" "Absolutely."
Back to Thursday night. As I am walking past my mother's porch I was jolted by a loud very surprising noise. It was a bug zapper plugged in on her porch. For anyone who doesn't know, a bug zapper is a light with a cage around it. Bugs draw to light. Bugs run into light. Zap. Bug dead.
I looked at the bug zapper and smiled. When we first moved into the home my mom lives in now, I was under 10. One of our favorite summer activities was to watch the bug zapper. My dad had hooked up the bug zapper to the clothes line. He had his lawn chair down there and when the sunlight faded, the bug zapper got turned on. We would run around catching fireflies or try to climb on my dad's chair. Yell and scream. And of course cheer when the bug zapper "got one." An extra bonus if the bug zapper got a big one and the "zap" held for a couple of seconds.
On my mom's porch, now almost 20-25 years later, it is nice to look back and remember those times. Playing in the backyard. Not even knowing what memories we were making. Don't know if my brother was thinking about those summers when he hung it up. Thinking about my dad yelling at us to settle down and watch the bug zapper! Funny things that take you back.
It was nice to stop and remember.
It was late. I still had to get the kids in bed. I jumped out of the van, headed for the door with a mind whirling of the lists of things going on in my head.
Just a side note, but my husband was listening to a book on tape. The book was called For Men Only. It tried to unravel the female mind....good one. One day he told me that the book likes to compare the female mind to a computer. We have many many windows open at once. And although we might not be "working" on that screen, it is still open. Still processing. A woman can have many many windows open at the same time. My husband asked "is that true?" "Absolutely."
Back to Thursday night. As I am walking past my mother's porch I was jolted by a loud very surprising noise. It was a bug zapper plugged in on her porch. For anyone who doesn't know, a bug zapper is a light with a cage around it. Bugs draw to light. Bugs run into light. Zap. Bug dead.
I looked at the bug zapper and smiled. When we first moved into the home my mom lives in now, I was under 10. One of our favorite summer activities was to watch the bug zapper. My dad had hooked up the bug zapper to the clothes line. He had his lawn chair down there and when the sunlight faded, the bug zapper got turned on. We would run around catching fireflies or try to climb on my dad's chair. Yell and scream. And of course cheer when the bug zapper "got one." An extra bonus if the bug zapper got a big one and the "zap" held for a couple of seconds.
On my mom's porch, now almost 20-25 years later, it is nice to look back and remember those times. Playing in the backyard. Not even knowing what memories we were making. Don't know if my brother was thinking about those summers when he hung it up. Thinking about my dad yelling at us to settle down and watch the bug zapper! Funny things that take you back.
It was nice to stop and remember.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
names
I was sitting at my mom's kitchen table yesterday and saw a card my Aunt had sent her. It was a card with her name on it and the meaning of her name. Then it had a prayer for her. I love these little cards. I always look for my name, my husbands names, my kids name on them. Seeing if they spelled Theresa properly with the "a." Rachel without the "a."
My mom has always hated her name. If she was a boy, her parents were going to name her "Carl" after the priest. But she was a girl. So they changed it and made her "Carla." Which I think is nice but she hates.
Of course I never liked my name. No one ever has my name. Which if you have a name that is very common you would think that is great. But I always felt odd. And of course every time anyone heard it they would say "like mother Theresa?" Or like "St. Theresa?" Actually I was named after my mother's cousin...who was names after St. Theresa.
Theresa actually means harvester. How pretty and feminine is that?? I always searched and search for a different meaning to my name. A different little card that would tell me that my name meant "amazingly talented" "sophisticated" "divine." But no. Theresa=Harvester. But when I became a Christian my name took on a new meaning
"He told them "The Harvest is plentiful , but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into His harvest field." Luke 10:2
When I was naming my children, as we all do, I put a lot of thought into it. After all...this was going to be their NAME! It was what people would think when they saw them. They would write it 5 billion times. The problem was...I didn't know who these little angels would become? Would they need a strong name? A lover of nature? A poet? An intellect?
We named our first born after a pirate. Now, Scott will tell you this is not true. If was after our grandfathers, but I think the fact that Will Turner was quite popular at the time had a lot to do with it. We had our William. My first born daughter was to have a different name right up until the end. Then my husband says..."I think I like Rachel." Rachel???? And so she was named, our "little lamb."
With my third child, I put my foot down. I get to name this one. Right from the ultra sound I called my little boy Lucas Scott. A strong name with a touch of his dad. When I found out my fourth child was a baby girl I pulled out the name I had saved in my heart for her, Isabella. My Bella.
Isn't it amazing that God knows our name? Not just that he knows our name like the IRS does, but truly it is written on the palm of his hand. With that name comes who we are. Not just what our name "means" but who we are. All of our parts. The triumphs as well as the failures. The good and the bad. Just as a parent looks at our child's heart so he looks at ours. He looks past what we want to give us what we need. He gathers us up to our heart.
It is nice when someone important knows your name. To hear it called from important people. They know MY name. To hear our name called from graduation podiums or awards cerimonies. But who better to know you that the creator of the universe? God knows my name. And he calls me. He knows me. He loves me.
My mom has always hated her name. If she was a boy, her parents were going to name her "Carl" after the priest. But she was a girl. So they changed it and made her "Carla." Which I think is nice but she hates.
Of course I never liked my name. No one ever has my name. Which if you have a name that is very common you would think that is great. But I always felt odd. And of course every time anyone heard it they would say "like mother Theresa?" Or like "St. Theresa?" Actually I was named after my mother's cousin...who was names after St. Theresa.
Theresa actually means harvester. How pretty and feminine is that?? I always searched and search for a different meaning to my name. A different little card that would tell me that my name meant "amazingly talented" "sophisticated" "divine." But no. Theresa=Harvester. But when I became a Christian my name took on a new meaning
"He told them "The Harvest is plentiful , but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into His harvest field." Luke 10:2
When I was naming my children, as we all do, I put a lot of thought into it. After all...this was going to be their NAME! It was what people would think when they saw them. They would write it 5 billion times. The problem was...I didn't know who these little angels would become? Would they need a strong name? A lover of nature? A poet? An intellect?
We named our first born after a pirate. Now, Scott will tell you this is not true. If was after our grandfathers, but I think the fact that Will Turner was quite popular at the time had a lot to do with it. We had our William. My first born daughter was to have a different name right up until the end. Then my husband says..."I think I like Rachel." Rachel???? And so she was named, our "little lamb."
With my third child, I put my foot down. I get to name this one. Right from the ultra sound I called my little boy Lucas Scott. A strong name with a touch of his dad. When I found out my fourth child was a baby girl I pulled out the name I had saved in my heart for her, Isabella. My Bella.
Isn't it amazing that God knows our name? Not just that he knows our name like the IRS does, but truly it is written on the palm of his hand. With that name comes who we are. Not just what our name "means" but who we are. All of our parts. The triumphs as well as the failures. The good and the bad. Just as a parent looks at our child's heart so he looks at ours. He looks past what we want to give us what we need. He gathers us up to our heart.
It is nice when someone important knows your name. To hear it called from important people. They know MY name. To hear our name called from graduation podiums or awards cerimonies. But who better to know you that the creator of the universe? God knows my name. And he calls me. He knows me. He loves me.
"See I have written your name on the palm of my hands." Isaiah 49:16
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Funny Kids
Luke- "Mommy, can I have these cups?"
Me- "Luke, those cups are a lot of money."
Luke- "I checked. They are $3,000. I can get them" *tosses cups in cart
Me- "No...." taking cups out of cart
***********************************************************************
Rachel- "Did you see what the dog do to my shoes? He chewed them up. Let's get rid of the dog."
Will- "What is the big deal? Just buy some new shoes."
Rachel- "Those shoes matched my new shirt. You just can't buy shoes that match like that." sighs and stomps away
**********************************************************************
Me- "We need to clean up this house"
Will- "We need to just move."
Me- "Luke, those cups are a lot of money."
Luke- "I checked. They are $3,000. I can get them" *tosses cups in cart
Me- "No...." taking cups out of cart
***********************************************************************
Rachel- "Did you see what the dog do to my shoes? He chewed them up. Let's get rid of the dog."
Will- "What is the big deal? Just buy some new shoes."
Rachel- "Those shoes matched my new shirt. You just can't buy shoes that match like that." sighs and stomps away
**********************************************************************
Me- "We need to clean up this house"
Will- "We need to just move."
Friday, July 16, 2010
are you awake?
My first born angel has never been a sleeper. In fact I will call him the "anti-sleeper." When he was first born I tried everything. Bassinet, swing, cuddle-U, bed, floor. front, back, side. with milk, without milk. Everything. He never slept more than 20 minutes. My mom said "Theresa he is a baby. He has to sleep sometime." So she borrowed him. She brought him back. "Theresa! This baby never sleeps!" Exactly. At 2 months he will....4 months...HALF A YEAR. Nope.
And frankly he is 6 and still does not like to fall or stay asleep. He struggles. His newest obsession is that he hates to be the only one wake. If his sister falls asleep first, he wakes her up. nice. So it has come down to me coming to his bed and laying with him. And I wait for it......"Mommy, will you stay awake until I am asleep." "Yes, Will."
He asks the same question every night. Like, tonight may be different. I may change my mind. Sneak in a winker before him. But nope. Every night he asks and every night I tell him the same thing. I will stay awake until you are asleep. Sometimes that is enough. Sometimes he asks again. But I stay with him. Until his little body relaxes and he begins to breath deep. Then I can sneak out to my own bed.
I love to sleep. But when he first started this I was reminded of me decades ago. My own dad was a night owl. Mom always went to bed early, but my dad would be up into the night watching the news and then the nightly talk shows. I would fall asleep up stair listening to his TV. If I needed a drink I would be able to see by the glow of his TV. He would look over as I ran to the kitchen. I knew he was awake. So I could sleep. Did I fear someone breaking in or monster under the bed and think my dad being awake would send them running? Maybe..... But really it was the comfort of knowing that while I was resting, someone bigger than me was keeping watch. I felt safe.
Now, that I am the "someone bigger" I often fail big time in the fear department. Sure, I can protect my son from the boogieman (as long as he is pretend right? Cause that would really mess me up!) but am I big enough to protect him from illness? I can make sure he is fed and cared for, but what about his trials in life? Are my arms that big?
Since those nights many years ago, my dad now is watching over me from a new place. So who is up to chase away my boogieman? I have my own worries and woes which I am not big enough or strong enough to handle.
And frankly he is 6 and still does not like to fall or stay asleep. He struggles. His newest obsession is that he hates to be the only one wake. If his sister falls asleep first, he wakes her up. nice. So it has come down to me coming to his bed and laying with him. And I wait for it......"Mommy, will you stay awake until I am asleep." "Yes, Will."
He asks the same question every night. Like, tonight may be different. I may change my mind. Sneak in a winker before him. But nope. Every night he asks and every night I tell him the same thing. I will stay awake until you are asleep. Sometimes that is enough. Sometimes he asks again. But I stay with him. Until his little body relaxes and he begins to breath deep. Then I can sneak out to my own bed.
I love to sleep. But when he first started this I was reminded of me decades ago. My own dad was a night owl. Mom always went to bed early, but my dad would be up into the night watching the news and then the nightly talk shows. I would fall asleep up stair listening to his TV. If I needed a drink I would be able to see by the glow of his TV. He would look over as I ran to the kitchen. I knew he was awake. So I could sleep. Did I fear someone breaking in or monster under the bed and think my dad being awake would send them running? Maybe..... But really it was the comfort of knowing that while I was resting, someone bigger than me was keeping watch. I felt safe.
Now, that I am the "someone bigger" I often fail big time in the fear department. Sure, I can protect my son from the boogieman (as long as he is pretend right? Cause that would really mess me up!) but am I big enough to protect him from illness? I can make sure he is fed and cared for, but what about his trials in life? Are my arms that big?
Since those nights many years ago, my dad now is watching over me from a new place. So who is up to chase away my boogieman? I have my own worries and woes which I am not big enough or strong enough to handle.
I will never leave you nor forsake you. Hebrews 13:5
It is nice to know that even when everyone in my house is asleep there is someone who is watching out for us. Someone who promised to look out for us. Someone who is bigger and stronger than me. And in knowing this I can rest.
In my own times of quiet desperation (and the not so quiet), I know that Christ has walked with me. He has held me up at funerals and in my bedroom. He has walked through the valley of hopelessness and heartfelt pain. Did he take away the pain. No. Did he take away the sting of rejection. Not at first. He walked it with me.
When I first became a Christian, I read a scripture that talked about God holding our right hands. Being 16, I made this my thing. When I felt alone I would reach out my right hand and squeeze. When I felt scared I would reach out my right hand and squeeze. I knew he was there. I wasn't alone. And that has made all the difference. Life is easier when you have a friend to hold your hand through it.
And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matt 18 :20
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
yikes!
I did it. I didn't mean to do it. I looked and then the thought crossed my mind. And I said NO! But then it kept pulling at me. So I did it. I looked at the calendar. And counted how many weeks until I go back to work. And how many weeks until it is Will's first day of FIRST grade.
And then I took a big deep breath.
To be honest I LOVE my job. Seriously. I couldn't imagine ever doing anything else. But still I am OFF. And enjoying every minutes (well, most minutes!) with my family. We went to the beach and camping. But there is still some things I must get busy with. Busy busy on vacation!
1. MAYBE camping again. The kids loved it. We will see.
2. An amusement park if some kind
3. I WANT to go see the curve!!! This has been for the past 3 summers and I have never got there.
4. On a picnic
And to be honest I am not sure what else?? But I want the rest of the summer to be fun! And relaxing!
Just a side note- the other day school came up and I thought Will would flip. He was not a big fan of school last year. But he said "I cannot wait for school." Me- "Really?" Will- "Yeah, I miss the bus." Of course. The bus.
And then I took a big deep breath.
To be honest I LOVE my job. Seriously. I couldn't imagine ever doing anything else. But still I am OFF. And enjoying every minutes (well, most minutes!) with my family. We went to the beach and camping. But there is still some things I must get busy with. Busy busy on vacation!
1. MAYBE camping again. The kids loved it. We will see.
2. An amusement park if some kind
3. I WANT to go see the curve!!! This has been for the past 3 summers and I have never got there.
4. On a picnic
And to be honest I am not sure what else?? But I want the rest of the summer to be fun! And relaxing!
Just a side note- the other day school came up and I thought Will would flip. He was not a big fan of school last year. But he said "I cannot wait for school." Me- "Really?" Will- "Yeah, I miss the bus." Of course. The bus.
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