clutter

I hate clutter. A place for everything and everything in its place. I have always had a touch of OCD. Hard to imagine, eh?

However, with four kids, clutter seems unstoppable. Please, NEVER come to my house without an appointment. ;) I may seriously curl up and die. It isn't that I don't try. But before I can even get to the next room, the room I have just cleaned is again destroyed. The kids LOVE clean rooms. And soon it is not clean so much. But I have learned to deal with this. Kick it aside. Deal with it when you can. Beg people to call first.

But it is the mind clutter that is getting to me. I also have TMJ. Which of course is worse when under stress. I went to the dentist the other day. He heard my jaw clicking. Across the room. He then came closer and checked me out. His diagnosis. "Holy smokes! You need to get this taken care of." Apparently I need a plate for when I am sleeping cause I grind my teeth. And my jaw is way off. One is a 1 blah blah and the other is a 2 blah blah. No I don't know what the blah blah is. Which Scott was not happy about. He recommends braces. BRACES?? He said my jaw needs realigned and if I don't do it, I WILL need surgury. A surgury that doesn't always work.

I know I grind my teeth and set my jaw when I am stressed. Oh, but what is there to stress about you say? Well, the clutter. I always am thinking about the laundry and the dinner. The clothes needing switched around and such. The kitchen floor needs scrubbed. The bedrooms need done.

School is starting soon. Which means I am thinking about school shopping and getting my new room ready. Getting ready for my new grade. New everything. And I am taking many college grad credits. And not getting the work done. I also am trying to squeeze in every bit of fun with my kids before I return to work.

Plus, there are other lists. Other worries. I tell myself to let it go. But in my sleep, the grinding and jaw setting comes. Braces?

run......

I am not a runner. My most dreaded day in all of middle school was the mile run. Wow- what a horrible experience. Worst than the last slow dance in the middle school gym and finding yourself standing alone. Worse than the time I got hundred on my algebra final and the teacher had to point it out...to ...the ...whole....class.

The Mile. My gym teacher would line us all up. With her dreaded stop watch she would scream go. And we all went. Of course we all started by sprinting. This was middle school of course and the goal is to always stay with the crowd. Then we would have people (like me) slowly dropping out to walk. Feeling like your heart was about to be ripped from your chest and being absolutely certain you are going to die. When the "fast" girls would hit the finish line, my gym teacher called out their time. She also had a garbage bag positioned right by the finish line so the girls could puke. Seriously. Is it any wonder I was in the middle....at the end. And it was ever so embarrassing to have your TIME screamed into the field. Nice....I am sure that would not be allowed with today's privacy laws! ;)

I was so happy to get to high school where there was no mile. Oh wait. There was the cross country training. And swimming. Oh, co-ed swimming. shudder.....

I never liked running. Never. When I wanted to get in shape (AKA I had a baby) I joined Curves. I watched what I ate. I rode a bike. I went for 3 mile walks. I did not run. That, my friends, was akin to torture.

And one day I lost my mind. I thought, hey, maybe I should try running. Keep in mind, I had just had my 4th child and was in worse shape than my grandma. Although Grandma Yackuboskey is pretty tough..... I got to thinking about the heart disease that was raging in my family and frankly I don't want to die. Maybe I should try to get in shape? Be able to climb the stairs without getting winded? Actually lose the baby weight this time?

I got on a treadmill. Something was wrong. Oh yeah! I should probably wear shoes. So I put on my shoes. With socks even. And I ran. For about a minute. I felt the old "I think I am going to die." So I walked for a minute. I continued this for about 20 minutes. Got off soaked in sweat and prayed for the angels to come carry me away. The next day I hurt. But I got back on the treadmill.

I am taking a class on motivation. It is centering on reading, however I find it interesting that I can apply it to my running. Today I ran for 30 straight minutes outside and only had two mini stops. That is a great accomplishment for this non-runner. I was motivated by my desire to make a commitment and stick to it. By my desire to prove that I can do something I thought I never could. My desire to do it was bigger than the fear telling me I couldn't.

Did I think I could do it? Nope. Did I want to stop? You bet ya. My legs were screaming at me and my lungs.... But I thought to myself "you can do this. Just think about the end. Think about how proud you will be." Every time my legs were aching and I gave my self permission to stop, I couldn't. I knew I had to do it. I had to keep going. So I did. And I made it home.

Sometimes things in life seem so impossible. How will I ever..... But we do. We put on our running shoes and do it. Can we stop? Sure. Should we? Absolutely not. Because the pain we are feeling now will be nothing when we get to that final victory. That feeling of "I overcame that." We give up too easily. If something is hard we quit. I don't want to quit. I want to do it.

"In a race all the runners take part in it, but only one of them wins the prize. Run, then, in such a way as to win the prize. Every athlete in training submits to strict discipline; he does so in order to be crowned with a wreath that will not last; but we do it for one that will last forever." 1 corth 9:24-25

And while I am certainly no marathon runner, tonight I was a runner. With cute pink shoes and a new MP3 player!

My Lucas Scott

Happy 3rd birthday. A little late but hey....

My superhero! My future cage fighter! My sweet brown eyed boy.

You must excuse this blog being a day late. Yesterday I was scrubbing mascara off my boy, cleaning up jelly all over the couch, green tea all over the table (and under the table), smiley stickers on the walls, cabinets, and floor all before 10 a.m. All of this attributed to my baby boy.

My little boy is three. I remember the day he was born. The Dr holding him. His big brown eyes looking straight at me, the first and only child to have his daddy's eyes. I was thinking "wow, here he is." Why hadn't I thought that with the first two? Not sure? But I did with Luke. And wow has he been "here!"

We call him "curious" and "active." He is my "I will try anything" child. Like try to cross the road himself cause "I big mom." He can't sit for an entire meal without standing on his head or making up a musical tune on his plate. He is my "wanna fight?" boy. My ladies stopping us everywhere to comment on how cute he is.

But he is my "I wike (like) you mommy" with a hug. My give me a "huggie." He may be a rough and tumble kind of kid but always loves his momma.

My baby at one....

are you awake?

My first born angel has never been a sleeper. In fact I will call him the "anti-sleeper." When he was first born I tried everything. Bassinet, swing, cuddle-U, bed, floor. front, back, side. with milk, without milk. Everything. He never slept more than 20 minutes. My mom said "Theresa he is a baby. He has to sleep sometime." So she borrowed him. She brought him back. "Theresa! This baby never sleeps!" Exactly. At 2 months he will....4 months...HALF A YEAR. Nope.

And frankly he is 6 and still does not like to fall or stay asleep. He struggles. His newest obsession is that he hates to be the only one wake. If his sister falls asleep first, he wakes her up. nice. So it has come down to me coming to his bed and laying with him. And I wait for it......"Mommy, will you stay awake until I am asleep." "Yes, Will."

He asks the same question every night. Like, tonight may be different. I may change my mind. Sneak in a winker before him. But nope. Every night he asks and every night I tell him the same thing. I will stay awake until you are asleep. Sometimes that is enough. Sometimes he asks again. But I stay with him. Until his little body relaxes and he begins to breath deep. Then I can sneak out to my own bed.

I love to sleep. But when he first started this I was reminded of me decades ago. My own dad was a night owl. Mom always went to bed early, but my dad would be up into the night watching the news and then the nightly talk shows. I would fall asleep up stair listening to his TV. If I needed a drink I would be able to see by the glow of his TV. He would look over as I ran to the kitchen. I knew he was awake. So I could sleep. Did I fear someone breaking in or monster under the bed and think my dad being awake would send them running? Maybe..... But really it was the comfort of knowing that while I was resting, someone bigger than me was keeping watch. I felt safe.

Now, that I am the "someone bigger" I often fail big time in the fear department. Sure, I can protect my son from the boogieman (as long as he is pretend right? Cause that would really mess me up!) but am I big enough to protect him from illness? I can make sure he is fed and cared for, but what about his trials in life? Are my arms that big?

Since those nights many years ago, my dad now is watching over me from a new place. So who is up to chase away my boogieman? I have my own worries and woes which I am not big enough or strong enough to handle.

I will never leave you nor forsake you. Hebrews 13:5

It is nice to know that even when everyone in my house is asleep there is someone who is watching out for us. Someone who promised to look out for us. Someone who is bigger and stronger than me. And in knowing this I can rest.

In my own times of quiet desperation (and the not so quiet), I know that Christ has walked with me. He has held me up at funerals and in my bedroom. He has walked through the valley of hopelessness and heartfelt pain. Did he take away the pain. No. Did he take away the sting of rejection. Not at first. He walked it with me.

When I first became a Christian, I read a scripture that talked about God holding our right hands. Being 16, I made this my thing. When I felt alone I would reach out my right hand and squeeze. When I felt scared I would reach out my right hand and squeeze. I knew he was there. I wasn't alone. And that has made all the difference. Life is easier when you have a friend to hold your hand through it.

And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matt 18 :20

He is real!

I went out to the porch to get the mail and met the mailman on my doorstop. Of course following close behind were my two little shadows. That would be #2 and 3. Bella can't quite crawl fast enough and Will is engrossed with Scooby Doo on-line. They run out onto the porch (in underwear of course- too hot they say) and see me getting the mail. "Who is that?" Rachel asks as I walk into the house. "The mailman." Luke of course waves and says "good-bye mailman. Thanks!" Rachel comes running into the living room with Luke close behind.

"Will, the mailman does exist! We saw him!" "Yeah!" Luke chimes in. "Really? huh," and Will returns to game. Rachel turns to Luke "And did you see that he carries a big purse! cool."

So he does exist. And carries a purse.

yikes!

I did it. I didn't mean to do it. I looked and then the thought crossed my mind. And I said NO! But then it kept pulling at me. So I did it. I looked at the calendar. And counted how many weeks until I go back to work. And how many weeks until it is Will's first day of FIRST grade.

And then I took a big deep breath.

To be honest I LOVE my job. Seriously. I couldn't imagine ever doing anything else. But still I am OFF. And enjoying every minutes (well, most minutes!) with my family. We went to the beach and camping. But there is still some things I must get busy with. Busy busy on vacation!

1. MAYBE camping again. The kids loved it. We will see.

2. An amusement park if some kind

3. I WANT to go see the curve!!! This has been for the past 3 summers and I have never got there.

4. On a picnic

And to be honest I am not sure what else?? But I want the rest of the summer to be fun! And relaxing!

Just a side note- the other day school came up and I thought Will would flip. He was not a big fan of school last year. But he said "I cannot wait for school." Me- "Really?" Will- "Yeah, I miss the bus." Of course. The bus.

sleepy

Time just flies when you are having fun. From the beach to campin'. I want to post some fun camp pics but I am so very very tired. Scott is on night shift. Which means I don't sleep. So frustrating. The baby is taking a nap so I could lay on the couch with Luke, so some light reading, or work on my online class. Wonder which one I should choose?

Today is hubby's 30th birthday. He has to go into work...booo. I think I hear the couch calling....