...about when you have a child it is like your heart walking around outside of your body??Well, it may be old and cliche, but holy smokes on the first day of Kindergarten is it true! Here he is. My baby. 5 years old with a backpack on. New sneakers on and his BUS tag attached to the back??
I thought I was good. I thought I would be excited for him. I got up early and began to get myself ready for work. And I started to cry. At first I tried not to. But then I just sat down and cried. and cried. Then I had to get Will up. I wiped my eyes and went to get him dressed for his first day of school. Scott woke up to. He teased me about taking so many pictures. I combed Will's hair and noticed how bad it needs trimmed. Then we all 3 headed out the door.
Walking down the sidewalk. My heart was throbbing. Don't cry was all I could think. If you cry, he is going to cry. We stood at the bus stop and made Will laugh. He was nervous about getting on. Then he saw a K-friend he had played tee-ball with. He was happy about that.
Then the big yellow bus pulled up. Funny how I never noticed before how huge and intimidating the bus is. We kissed him. Told him we loved him. And he got on the bus. He smiled and waved. We smiled and waved.
The bus drove off and we turned to walk back to the house. And I lost it. Cried and cried. Scott looked at me and said "what the heck is wrong with you?" "My baby just got on a bus!" He.....laughed. "He will be fine." I know that. I know he will have fun and learn and play. But it doesn't make this part any easier. The part where I realize that really he isn't ALL mine. He will grow up. He has his own thoughts and feelings. Each day I am needed a little differently than I was the day before. He gets older and my role is changing. Ever so slightly, but enough for me to take notice. This is the part where entrusting him to God's care is real. I pray and know that God will have his hand even when I cannot. And because I believe that it makes this part a little easier. A little sweeter knowing that His eye is always upon my William. But he will always be my baby....as I will tell him on his high school graduation....in front of all his friends....