Lightenbugs

When we were kids, we did not have such things as trampolines, pools, or heaven forbid cell phones. We spent our summers as a group of kids playing ball on the field, hanging out at the park learning to play four square and hackey sac, and the ever-popular catching lightening bugs in jars. (We also collected salamanders, toads, and more, but that’s a different story).

 

            As soon as the sun headed for that horizon, we were in our mom’s kitchens begging for anything to catch a firefly in. The best were the peanut butter containers with holes cut in them, but as a family of 5 these were always in supply. Especially since my mom refused to keep any jars because “gross. Bugs are disgusting.” She had to make all the holes since the Joe and gouging out a chunk of his hand with the far opener. Plus, mom knew how to make the holes just right. Not too big for them to get out but big enough so they can get air and not die on us.

 

            If you have never spent a summer night, with a jar in one hand as you grasp and leap to get ahold of the bug that butt’s glow, you might want to give it a try now. Trick is to find a nice dark place. We would go down into my backyard and my dad would set up his “lounge chair.” Yu know the ones made out of plastic strips and you had to keep lowering and raising the front part to get a comfortable position. Dad has 2. A green one and a yellow one, but we couldn’t use them. Rightly so since I remember that one of them met their demise by us sticking hands and feet and legs between the plastic strips to see if we could. By the way, you can, but the stripes don’t always come back together so easily. Oops.

 

            Dad would set up his chair right net to the bug zapper. Again if you never had a bug zapper at you house, you were missing out. Bug Zapper draw bugs to them using the “light” and then zap them. Dead. I also can confirm that blades of grass, pine cones and dad’s cigarette (sorry dad) would also zap and make a big noise. Once my dad plugged in the bug zapper the game was on.  Who could get the most light up butt bugs?? The Zapper or us! We would run around crazy. Trying to hold more than one in our hand while trying to get the lid open. There were cries when the catcher squeezed a little too hard. Then excitement when my brothers realized they could “spread” the neon glow on things. My mom quickly outlawed that when I began to cry.

 

            As we caught the bug zapper went off and off. Dad would tell us that it only got mosquitoes that would bite us anyway and make us itch. I wasn’t quite so sad getting them zapped. The best times were when the bug zapper would catch a big one. A night moth or something and it would zap for the longest time as we all screamed whoa. My dad didn’t find happiness in a lot of places, but I think he did there. Sitting in his chair, smoking his cigarette, and listening to the bug zapper. Even as we got older, he would hang up the bug zapper on the front porch and rock in his swing.

 

            All of this came to memory when I saw my brother had hung up a bug zapper. I didn’t get a chance to see if he bought it or if it was one of the originals. I looked at it and smiled. Going back to my dad and his big bushy mustache and cigarette underneath. He would sometimes catch with us and put them in whatever jar was closest. He sometimes thought he was funny by pointing out a bug that was never really there while we went wild looking. Sometimes I wish I could go back and realize then what I see now. That was his way of loving us. His way of sharing with us. Never a man of many words, but I hold onto a lot of things he taught without saying much. Like enjoy the simplicity of a summer night. Let your kids scream and run. When they grow up, they can look back and remember. That life can be rough, but sometimes it can be as fun as a jar full of lightening bugs. 

Day1- An all about me

So.....i had a blog in mind but it seemed a bit...dark. I decided to start off August blog challenge 2020 with different questions about me! if you want any clarification with a question, inbox me...i just might answer. 

1. Where do you consider "home" to be?

** My mom's house in Bakerton. 

2. Do you believe in ghosts?

** Traditional ghosts? No The bible is very clear that after death there is judgement. no hanging around. spirits? Yes  angels and demons at war- absolutely 

3. Are you religious?  yes- I had a much longer answer but yes

4. If you could travel anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?

**The beach...somewhere warm

5. If you could have dinner with any of the presidents, who would you choose? Why? 

**Lincoln- because I know he suffered from depression and I want him to know what an impact his life had

6. What is your dream job? 

**Author

7. Who is your role model? Why?

** My mom. To know her is to know she is super woman. My sisters are a close second with their mothering skills

8. What I sone thing yoi would do if you could go back in time?

** call my dad December 27 2008 and tell him I love him

9. Do you prefer Coke or Pepsi? 

**Coke zero but if regular Pepsi

10. Do you prefer Cheetos or Doritos? Cheetos.  **Doritos make me sick since a pregnancy mishap 

11. Do you eat breakfast in the morning? 

**Not usually

12. When you go to the beach, do you sunbathe or swim more? 

**Sit under an umbrella. The sun and my Irish skin don't get along 

13. Have you ever ridden a city bus before?

 Yes

14. Have you ever traveled outside of the country? If so, where? 

Nope  - but hey if anyone is offering 

15. If you got arrested, what do you think it would be for? 

**Speeding? I am not really into breaking rules

16. What if your favorite childhood memory? **playing baseball with my Bakerton friends- doug and Joe, Ryan and robbie, Ken, Josh, Stacy, Matt and others

17. What was your favorite song two years ago? What is it now? Don't really listen to music except praise music. I love any praise song

18. What teacher have you had that's made the biggest impact on your life? How?

** Patty Stiles my 8th grade reading teacher and musical director. She taught me to believe in myself and to be strong

19. Are you a cat person or a dog person? 

**Cat

20. What is a quote from any movie that you know off the top of your head? 

**"As you wish"

21. What are you most afraid of? 

**My family dying

22. If superheroes were real, who would you want to protect your city? 

**Thor

23. What is the silliest reason you've ever cried?

**couldn't go somewhere 

24. If you could be a character on any show, what show would you choose? Why?

**Bozer- that is the new Macgyvwr sidekick. I still get to be close to Macgyver but not dangerous.  note NEW Magivyer

25. You're stuck on an island with no way off and no one knows you're there, what three items do you have with you?

 **Books, colored pens, journal 

26. What is the name of one song you know all the words to?

 **Fresh prince of Bellaire ...This is a story all about how my life got flipped upside down...

27. Are you a sore loser?

** Nope- not competive

28. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?

**CLOSED!

29. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?

**Bees

30. What is your biggest pet peeve?

**Misusing the word "literally"

31. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? 

**Bank

32. Would you ever strip or pose nude for a photo in a magazine? For a movie?

**  No one wants to see that

33. What has been your best Halloween costume this far? 

**Shrek and fiona 

34. Are you stubborn? 

**when it comes to things I believe in yes

35. Do you sing in the shower? In the car?

**Nope

36. Do you take vitamins daily? 

**Vitamin D. B12, probiotic, etc

37. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

**Yes. My sisters' weddings. They found their happily ever after

38. Can you swim without plugging your nose?

**no.  how can you swim and plug your nose? Don't you need 2 arms?

39. Have you ever won a contest?

** Yes. The first contest I remember winning  was making a jack-o-lantern out of candy at bilo. i won. 

40. Do you want kids? How many? 

**5

41. Are you missing anyone right now? 

**Always

42. Do you smile at strangers as you walk by them? 

**Yes

43. Do you think your life will change drastically before 2020?

 *** could be

44. How do you react when people talk badly about you? 

**Cry

45. Where did you get the shirt you are currently wearing?

**Walmart. Its pjs

46. What has been your favorite gift you've been given? 

** Awesome coloring books, colored pencils, fine tipped markers, and pencil sharpener.  I am a simple gal

47. If you had to delete one year out of your life completely, which would you choose? 

**None

48. What is your favorite thing about school? **Reading picture books to my kids

49. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? 

**Lots of things

50. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? 

**Will

51. Do you get jealous easily?

**No

52. Is there anyone you've ever given up on? Do you regret it?

**Probably

53. What is something on your to-do list currently?

**finish my edits for my bible study

54. Are you over your past? 

**Yes

55. Are you afraid of dying? 

**No. I know I will will be with my savior

56. Are you afraid of change?

** Terrified. always. even if it is a good change. 

57. Does commitment scare you?

 No. i love commitment. it makes me feel secure

 

58. Were you picked on as a kid? 

Yes. on being poor

59. What is one meal you know how to cook?

 **  chicken. fajitas

60. How many pillows do you sleep with on your bed? 

**Only 1

61. What is one thing you love about yourself? 

** Jesus is my Savior.

62. What is your biggest insecurity?

** past mistakes

63. What is the title of your favorite book?

** Too many to count

64. When was the last time you felt lost?

**

 Today

65. Do you cry when you are angry?

** No

66. Are you excited about anything right now? **school starting 

67. Nike or Adidas?

** Adidas

68. What is your comfort food? 

**Mashed potatoes or potato soup. Pretty much anything potato

69. Do you laugh at the number of this question? **no

70. Where do go when you want to be alone?

** The van. I drive somewhere

71. Who do you call when you need a little pick-me-up? 

**My sisters and mom

72. Do you cry during sad movies? 

**Yes

73. What is your guilty pleasure? 

** watching.Crafty you tubers

74. You're camped out in front of the TV, what are you watching? 

**Whatever my scott  is watching

75. Do you have a nickname? 

**No

76. What would you eat everyday if you could? *Potatoes

77. Do you collect anything?

** Kids

78. If you could kiss someone right now, who would it be? 

**Weird question . husband

79. Are you a spender or a saver?

 Depends

80. Are you named after anyone?

** Yes. My mom's cousin

81. If you could choose any person in the world to be president, who would you choose? Why? **Ben Shapiro.  He is brilliant 

82. Do you daydream often?

** Yes

83. Do you know how to change a tire? 

**Yeah. Pick up phone and call for help

84. Do you have a hidden talent? 

**Writing 

85. Do you consider yourself artistic? 

**With words

86. What is something you cant live without? **Jesus

87. Can you name all 50 states? 

**Yes

88. Do you eat soup with a fork or a spoon? **Spoon

89. Do you remember your dreams? 

** Sometimes. Often times I just wake up with a feeling of them

90. Are you superstitious? 

**No

91. What is one thing you would most like to change about the world?

** People would take a serious look at Jesus

92. What piece of advice would you give 10 year old you? 

**It is going to be ok

93. Have you ever broken the law? 

**Speeding?

94. If you won the lottery, what would you spend the money on? 

**My family and church

95. What was your favorite book as a child? Why? 

**Walter the lazy mouse. My mom always read it to us

96. Do you snort when you laugh? 

**No

97. Are you a good dancer? 

**No

98. If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

** Healing

99. Do you believe in the death penalty? 

**No

100. Are you happy? 

**Most of the time

Ashes to Glory- Sample two Foundations

The sky turns dark. There is a heaviness in the air that tells us something is coming. The wind is gentle and refreshing at first and then picks up pace. Soon the drizzle turns into streaks of stinging rain and the wind is throwing things in your face. Water surrounds your ankles. You go into your house. The structure that is supposed to protect you in the storm.
When was the moment they realized the sand was wasn’t going to hold? Was it the cracking of the walls and floors as they shifted with their structural weakness? Was it the shift they felt under their feet? The foundation won’t hold. It is all coming down, and “it fell with a great crash.”

Jesus wasn’t instructing carpentry 101 even though I am certain he is qualified to do so. He was trying to speak to the people about the foundation of their lives. What they stood on and for. He gave them, all of them listening, the answer for survival. Not just how to survive but how to flourish. Hear my words! Put them into practice. Build on the unshakable foundation of God’s trusted and true words.

Shifting and voids. Conditional truths and illusion of beauty. Feelings not vows. Convenience not sacrifices. My wants, my feelings, my expectations, and eventually my failures. The storm will come. It will bring a hell fury like none you have seen. When you stand on what you know, what will sustain you? Will it hold against the storm? After the destruction of this storm passes, will you still be standing on the firm rock foundation? Or will the ocean of life sweep over you claiming your castles and treasures?

What Does Scott Think?

What were you thinking during the time you were doing drugs?

    "To be completely honest I didn't think about anything other than drugs. Especially toward the end. I didn't care about anyone or anything. "

What were your thoughts when you got caught by me?

    "As hard as it is to belive I felt relief. It had been such a long time since I was honest and it made me think that a weight was lifted. "

Did you really think you could stop on your own?

    "I wanted to quit and I tried so many many times. I knew short of locking myself out, I need help

What was it like making that decision and going to rehab?

    It was the hardest thing I ever did.  I never was that scared in my life. 

    

   

What was rebad like for you?

     The first 7-10 days were terrible. sick, cravings, confusion...One day it was life my eyes were open, even colors seemed  bringhter. I had a really hard time being away from my family. But being there and learning what I needed to do saved my family in the inlong run.

What were you thinking the first day out?

    I felt like I was reborn. I wasn't scared at first . If felt goo dto be clean and home. 

How have you felt this whole year without the drugs?

    I have had good and bad times. I know I dont have to lie like that anymore- it keeps me going. I will always have this part of me that I have to keep in check. But the longer I go the easier it gets. 

What do you think of Ashes to Glory ?

After reading it and hear what happened to my family I have never felt so awful. The shame and pain hit really deep. Knowing that, knowing my side of it all will keep me going forever. The woman I love being ut thrugh all th garbage makes me physically sick. I can never take that away. I can never change what happened, but I know I can keep diong the next right thing!

ashes to glory sample-1

In that moment, my spirit broke. I tightened my hands on the steering wheel and twisted, twisted my hands. I pulled up to the house, and got right out of the car. I laid down on my bed and lost my mind. This sob was not an average cry. I could feel it pulling deep inside, I grabbed a pillow to hug and cry into. He came in the room and asked if he could help. In my hysteria, I told him to go, and I wanted to see my sister. I had a thought, an idea. I would drive to Pittsburgh to see my sister, and she didn’t have to do or be anything, I just needed to feel safe. With her I could feel safe. But wait. I don't have any gas to get to Pittsburgh. I don't have any money to buy gas. And my kids had to go to school.
My safe place was falling apart. I rolled over and sobbed until my throat was scratchy and my eyes so swollen that I couldn’t have opened them if I tried. At some point the kids came home from school. He told the kids that Mommy’s belly is worked up again, and they should leave me alone. I closed my eyes and drifted in and out of my dreaded consciousness
. After a night of terror and darkness, I woke up in a puddle of my own vomit and had a headache that threatened to tear apart my skull. As I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, I realized I had some choices to make. First, what was I sure of? Nothing. I was sure of nothing. Ahh..maybe
not nothing. Or more importantly someone. Humans will fail you. It is kind of our MO. Even when we try really, really hard, we will fall short of the mark. Who will never fail? Jesus. Just Jesus.

Buy it here!

Ashes to Glory book trailer here

Fast forward 20 years

Look at these 19 year old babies! what to find out what happened 20 years later? Checkout our book, Ashes to Beauty available on Amazon!! tell your friends, your neighbors.

Ashes to Glory trailer

Order Here!

**50 percent of all sales go to drug recovery organization.

Ashes to Glory -The book

Ashes to Glory

Please click on the above link for my book trailer for my new book (first book) "Ashes to Glory"

Available now at Amazon
Click here to see it

But God.....

If you listened to the book trailer, you would see that this book is a non-fiction retelling of one of the hardest times in my life. At the beginning, I felt dead. I was walking and talking, but I was dead inside. There was a time when I thought I was dead. Couldn't go one more step.

But God...

That is where I begin the journey back to Christ. In all reality, I can now connect with the footprint in the sand poem. He carried me.

I felt that my life was over.......BUT God
I wanted to die.....But God
I thought my marriage was over.....But God
I needed it all to be over... But God

Here is a story of my God coming in to the rescue. I had plans, but God stepped in. He flipped my life upside down.

This is the story of one family's fight against drug addiction, and how God carried us back together.

****
Disclaimer- I had Scott read the book when I had finished the manuscript. He loved it. Of course Scott made mistakes, but truly I was a mess and letting my pain lead me instead of my God. I am also responsible for my mistakes. Look for my post that is a Question and Answer questions with Scott. Coming soon!