ashes to glory sample-1

In that moment, my spirit broke. I tightened my hands on the steering wheel and twisted, twisted my hands. I pulled up to the house, and got right out of the car. I laid down on my bed and lost my mind. This sob was not an average cry. I could feel it pulling deep inside, I grabbed a pillow to hug and cry into. He came in the room and asked if he could help. In my hysteria, I told him to go, and I wanted to see my sister. I had a thought, an idea. I would drive to Pittsburgh to see my sister, and she didn’t have to do or be anything, I just needed to feel safe. With her I could feel safe. But wait. I don't have any gas to get to Pittsburgh. I don't have any money to buy gas. And my kids had to go to school.
My safe place was falling apart. I rolled over and sobbed until my throat was scratchy and my eyes so swollen that I couldn’t have opened them if I tried. At some point the kids came home from school. He told the kids that Mommy’s belly is worked up again, and they should leave me alone. I closed my eyes and drifted in and out of my dreaded consciousness
. After a night of terror and darkness, I woke up in a puddle of my own vomit and had a headache that threatened to tear apart my skull. As I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, I realized I had some choices to make. First, what was I sure of? Nothing. I was sure of nothing. Ahh..maybe
not nothing. Or more importantly someone. Humans will fail you. It is kind of our MO. Even when we try really, really hard, we will fall short of the mark. Who will never fail? Jesus. Just Jesus.

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