run, run fast as you can

“It takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!”


-The Red Queen


I had my ears pierced  when I was 13. I remember that I was always worried I wouldn't turn them enough. So I began to twist them all the time. It is a nervous habit that stuck. Now I tend to tug at my ears when I am nervous. Which this time of year....is a lot.
I,of course, love the idea behind Christmas. God giving his son so that we could be found worthy. Truly amazing. Oh holy night is one of my favorite songs and nothing is as beautiful as a manger scene.
What I am not a fan of? Lots of presents. And insane "to do" lists. I wish it could come without bangles, bobbles, or trinkets. Guess I do sound a little grinchy.
But truly, each year I set out to make it simpler. And each year I feel like I am getting run over. Repeatedly.
I think I need a good Christmas devotional. Anyone know of any? Or some ideas on keeping it simple? Any tips on online shopping cause that would be awesome too!

Lazy, busy, or electronically illiterate

I am not a fan of daylight savings time. Falling back...leaping forward....whatever. One problem is that some of my clocks automatically reset themselves. Some do not. So I spend the morning running around like a nut case trying to figure out the right flippin' time. Am I late? Early? Did I change that one? Did my husband? Can someone just tell me the real time.

And then it leads to this problem for a week....or so. Cause I don't change clocks. Kind of like I would let garbage fall on my floor cause that is not my job. Changing clocks is hubby's job. And certainly he never cares what time it is. He knows two times- time for work and time for the Steelers game.

This of course has to go with my little tech problem as well. You should have seen me pushing buttons and flipping out on my tech-no van. I seriously turned on my wipers, fog lights, and blared the juke box (who needs this in a VAN??) and still couldn't change the time. Although I figured out how to turn on the butt warmer in the van. Yes, I just said butt warmer.

I sit here staring at my clock on the wall. It is wrong. I know this cause my laptop DOES correct its self. I think about how I wish the wall clock was right and I would be that much closer to bedtime. I am annoyed that my clock is still off.  But do I just up and change it? Nope. Cause I don't do trash or clocks. Or change oil, tires, or build a fire.

miracles and thankfulness

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” — Albert Einstein

Last night my hip was asleep. Because a head was on it. When I lay with the three older ones to go to sleep, they have to take turns on who sleeps by mommy. And the one whose turn it isn't sleeps at my feet or with their head on my hip. We are a tangled mess of elbows, arms, heads, and blankets. I can't turn. Can't breathe barely. I think to myself, I have to get Scott to take a picture of this sometime. Years from now, we will look at it and laugh. We will remember how they would fight about whose turn it was. About whose turn it was to hug the top half or the bottom half. Years from now, I know I will tear up and remember. For today, I am thankful for a numb hip.

This is my 5th pregnancy. It isn't that I have not felt blessed each and everytime. It isn't that I have not realized that a baby is a miracle. But this time, when I looked down on the two lines, my eyes welled up with tears. Because I in no way deserve all of the goodness I have, I see, that I have touched.

I could go on forever. My husband who had flowers and Frooties (my fav candy!) when I came home from a work trip. My kids who always have me laughing. My family, my home, my job....my life.

But most of all...for grace. Receiving God's favor even when I don't deserve it. Going to the cross to save me from a life I would choose and deserve. But He stood in the way. Laid down his life....for me.

It is overwhelming.

This little one I carry has reminded me of this. Of gifts and blessings given freely. Reminding myself to say thank-you, be thankful. To not taken a moment for granted.

Staying in Motion

     I have been sick. And I have done what all Mommies do when we are sick. Push on! Take dayquil! Do...not....stop...moving....least you stop altogether. You know the physics principle objects in motion stay in motion. UNTIL something acts upon them...like a sinus infection from the depths of hell.
     I have a fairly packed schedule. As we all do. Last Wednesday I had an appointment with a chiropractor. They took some scans and such. The dr asked if I thought stress was an issue with my headache and digestive issues. Could be. He asked me to rate my stress. Does it go up and down or stay pretty steady. Steady, as I am tapping my foot. All I can think about it that my youngest son's soccer game is starting in an hour and a half. Must get out of here. The doctor must have realized my impatience. He set down the big binder that was on his lap onto the stand and gave me a long lecture about stress and its effects on the body. Okey-dokey.
     I had been dragging all week. Falling into bed and sleeping like I was dead. Fighting a headache that wouldn't quit. Finally, on Saturday I had to take the baby to the dr. She was up a lot the night before and I had a feeling it was an ear infection. Thankfully husband was off, so he took the three to soccer while the baby and I went to the dr. I thought about being "seen" myself. Then talked myself into believing that I was fine. Just tired. Baby had an ear infection.
     After soccer and lunch, we all headed out to shop. We had to get costumes, since the Halloween stuff is already being cleared away to make room for Santa's and lights. DON'T even get me started on that one. As we were leaving the store, William began to scream about his ear. Back to the Medwell we go. On the way there, I was curled up in my seat, moaning about how bright the sun was. When we pulled up, I finally decided to be seen. Well, Scott decided that I needed to be seen.
     The dr looked into my ears. "You have a lot of fluid in here. Are they bothering you?" I shrug. He looked into my throat. "Stuff is pouring back there. Is your throat bothering you?" "I guess." He then started to feel around my face. Apparently, I have quite the sinus infection. Which he gave me quite the antibiotic for. Wow...did I get sick with that one.
     Today I feel awful still. But thankful for medicine. Thankful I went in and had it looked at. Thankful that my wonderful sister Patty and boyfriend Don took the kids to the pumpkin patch.
    

My baby Bella

My Isabella Noel is 2......Did you hear the catch in my voice or see my chin tremble?

Dearest Isabella,

I told you last year how you are my sunshine. My sweet little angel. I know it is always said that time goes too quickly. And I couldn't agree more.

The night of your birthday I tucked you in. I kissed your cheeks and squeezed you for awhile longer. I smelled your hair and felt the weight of your head on my shoulder. It gets me when I think too much about it. You are getting bigger. You talk more and laugh more. Run to keep up with your brothers and sister. Fight for your turn or your piece. Truly, it seemed overnight you went from my baby to my little girl. I teared up, but took a deep breath.

Although I shouldn't say that. You will always be my baby. My soft haired, bright blue eyed baby. I kissed you goodnight. I pointed to my eye and said "I", crossed my arms and said "love", touched your nose and said "you."  You  laughed. I turned off your light and walked to the door and I hear your little voice say "mom?" I turned around. You pointed to your eye and said "I", crossed your arms and said "love", and then pointed to you nose and said "nose." And then you laughed, closed your eyes, pulled up your blankie, and wrapped your little arm around your new rainbow doggie. I laughed too.

What a gift you are. Maybe the first time you read this you might not get it. Only if you have your own sweet cheeked angel faced baby will you get it. How much you fill my heart. How grateful I am that I get to be your mommy. I love you doll baby. Happy Birthday Sunshine.

love,
mommy

A tale of two shoes....

Good morning Monday! And yes I am aware that this is Tuesday, but this was what my feet looked like yesterday as I was dropping off the baby at my mom's. Yes, that is two separate shoes. But in my defense they are both black. The only reason I noticed was becasue I tripped on my heel. Only one shoe has a heel. The other is a wedge. I did have an extra pair in the van. I changed before I made a real fool of myself at school. Until I post it for the whole internet to see.

One of my bestest once said to me that as soon as we open our eyes, we hit the ground running. Especially now that school has started that couldn't be more true. I am not complaining. I truly love my job. Being a full time 5th grade teacher is something I wouldn't trade for the world. But there is no denying my world becomes (more) crazy!

I do as much as I can the night before. That means I have lunches packed, bookbags set, clothes laid out. Sometimes I even let the cereal bowls on the table! In the morning, I wake up first and get myself ready. Then I hit up the oldest child first and work my way to the baby. I wake them up and get them dressed, moving, and headed to the bathroom. We all move down to the kitchen where breakfast is eaten. We head to the front door where shoes go on and usually hair is done. Then into the van. Three stops later I am on my way to work. Apparently with matching shoes only some of the time.

With the start of school also comes dance, scouts, and soccer. I am still taking my ESL graduate course. It is over in November thank goodness. Choir starts in church.

Again, I certainly am not complaining. I love my life full, loud, and busy. My kids are amazing and they bring such color and joy to my world. I couldn't imagine my life any other way. I love my job. I truly feel like I make an impact in their world everyday. If only I could put on matching shoes I wold be set!

Freedom isn't Free

He is a big boy. Frankly, pushing 30. If he ever sees this, he will complain. But too bad.

He is my baby brother. My other brother. We are 17 month apart. We grew up together. Had the same friends and played the same games. I remember screaming and fighting over baseball games as kids, but I also remember the day he stood up for me on the school bus. I always wanted the nightlight on in our bedroom but he said he couldn't sleep with it on. He waited until I fell asleep and then would turn off my light. I remember seeing him all dressed up for a Prom in a tux, and I remember the first time I saw him in uniform.

He is serving in the Air Force. Serving the United States of America. And as of last Tuesday, he is a deployed Airman. That means my baby brother is not in our country. He is so far away. Too far. He would never, ever call himself a hero and would flip out if it was even stated. But again...too bad. He is a hero to me.

He took a vow to defend us. To stand up and fight for those who won't or can't. For the kids who pledge allegiance to the flag every morning and for those who scream and curse at military funerals. For those men and woman who have greying hair now, but served so faithfully years ago and for rappers and songwriters who spew out garbage about a life they know nothing about. He defends the politicians who debate on the compensation he receives for serving and he serves those of us who wake up knowing that we can go where we want and say what we want without threat or violence. Our military who serves heroically, honorably, and faithfully. Without prejudice or pride.

To be honest, we are only as strong as those who are willing to fight for Justice. I have always stood on the side of respect and honor for the men and woman willing to serve. But it wasn't personal. Now my brother is overseas. I don't know where he is laying his head or what he eats for dinner. I don't know what he spends his days doing. I don't know if someone means him harm. Although he swears that he is fine.

Now I see. I see that he won't be home for the holidays. My mom can't pick up the phone and call him. We can't send him goofy pics of the kids. He won't send me a sarcastic text to this post. I am in no way complaining however. Some families have made an even more tragic sacrifice. Some people never got to plan the welcome home party I have stashed away in my head.

Freedom has never been free. Men and women have been standing on that line for you and for me since the beginning. As September 11th approaches, I look at all the heroes serving us that never hear a thank-you. And frankly, they don't even expect it. But today I say thank-you. To all of you serving in the military- My brother, my cousins, my friends. To those serving as policemen, firemen, and protectors of my freedom. I thank-you. I thank-you for everything.