Nick- Part 1

     Friday night, June 22nd, I started having contractions. I was actually excited. Pain?? Yes!! But by 11:30 everything had stopped. Off and on I had contractions through the weekend. Certainly my appointment on Monday would show progress! As I lay back on the table waiting for Dr. McCoy to give me some pretty good news, he declares “one. But his head is down very nicely.” A one?? One centimeter?? All of these contractions and all I have to show is one centimeter? So as Dr. M helps me up, he asks me if there is anything I need. “Nope,” I grunt. “No one is pregnant forever right?” “Right,” he laughs. “One of these days. And if I just keep saying one of these days, soon I will be right.” Then he chuckles. This is why women go to women gynecologists. Funny man that Dr. M.

     I send a text to my husband and call my mom. “Yes, one centimeter. Just one. Yes, REALLY.” I pick up my kids, and we head home. I am still having off and on contractions that seem to mock me. Super. I get the pain but no progress. The next day I began to pack for camp. By golly if there wasn’t going to be a baby, I was going to distract myself.

     I had Bible Study this evening, so I packed up the kids to go stay with my mom until Scott could pick them up after work. As we drove to the study, I was noticing that the pain was a little stronger. “Yeah, right. Maybe I am a 2 by now.” Bible study was wonderfully distracting. However, I did look down at my watch twice with a very strong wrap around in my back.

     As I headed home, it occurred to me that perhaps I should start timing these stronger ones. By the time I pulled into my mom’s house, which was where Scott and the kids still were, I was almost panicked. I was really having some pain. And it was close. And I was scared. This is what I wanted right? Suddenly I changed my mind. I was NOT ready to have a baby tonight. I wanted to go home and go to bed. Give me more time. I yelled up the stairs at my mom’s begging Scott to go. I had to get home and had to lay down. If I could just lay down my contractions would stop and I could go to sleep. As we were heading home, I realized something. I looked at Scott and said “Maybe my mom should have come with us….”

Nicholas Paul

Introducing Nicholas Paul
Wednesday, June 27   1:58 a.m.
6 pounds 12oz    18 in
Perfect

Birth story to follow...

camping!

So....check up today was quite uneventful. I am a one. A one. But "head is down so very nicely" Dr. M is always so optimistic. He helped me up and asked me if I needed anything. I grunted. "Guess not"

What have I decided to do? Tomorrow I will go to Bible Study with a group of my fav ladies. We will be discussing the woman at the well. Then Wednesday we are going camping until Sunday. That should liven things up a bit. My goal is to make it a nice low key trip. I know. Who am I kidding? I am sure I will return with all kind of great stories. Really we live only a couple miles from the camp ground. Just to be outside and busy will be nice. I also have a  baby shower on Saturday and a wedding on Sunday. See..time is just flying. So I keep telling myself.

2 weeks

I am now 2 weeks from my due date. 2 weeks...14 days. I am 38 weeks. SIGH....

If you have ever been pregnant and if you have every been a runner, you can easily see the comparison. The beginning of the run so exciting and refreshing, pushing through the middle, and then approaching the end. The end. You know when your legs are burning, you want to puke, and you just want to crawl into your house and be done? Yep...exactly like that.

I flip between being impatient to full on panic mode. I laughed and told my sister, you know IT (the pain) is coming. Like waiting for a hammer to drop...a few hundred times. But of course I can almost picture my little boy and of course it makes it ALL worth it in an instant.

What to do the 2 weeks before you have a baby?

1. Sneak lots of chocolate into your hospital bag. I remember after I had Bella I wanted chocolate so bad. And cranberry juice. I actually drank all the cranberry juice they had in the nurses station. But I had no chocolate. Will not be a problem this time.

2. Spend a crazy amount of time on picking out YOUR coming home outfit. Let's face it. I could bring Nicholas home in a potato sack cloth and he will be adorable. Me? I need something I can pull over me (unlike William's birth...shudder). Something I will put on and not want to run crying into the bathroom. I have three different choices in my bag.

3. Answering your 2 year old 100 times a day if baby Nick came out. "Does it look like he came out?" "No." "Do you see baby Nick?" "No." "Then I guess he is still not here." Like answering the age old annoying question...Are you still pregnant? Actually, I love being huge, swollen, uncomfortable, and sick so much, I have decided to stay pregnant forever.

4. Pray that every twinge in your back is dilating something, somewhere.

5. Switching between praying that every twinge is the start of labor...and then hoping it is not. OK- at this point, mostly hoping it is

6. Driving your husband crazy with every ouch you mutter. No it is not labor. Trust me, dear, you will be the first to know

7. Find ways to distract yourself. Like plan a camping trip. Yes when you are one and a half weeks until your due date you should buy a camper and go camping. Hey, what could go wrong?

Eve- The Blame game

I have thought about what I have and how to just stop. Another lesson I learned from Eve? The blame game will get you nowhere.
     My daughter was throwing herself on her bed, flailing her arms about, and crying uncontrollable. I stood in her doorway. Arms crossed and made no move to help. "She sat up and swept her curly locks out of her tear streaked face. "Can't you see what they have done to me?" she cried. "Who?" I asked her.  "Them! Luke and Bella. They play with my stuff that I set up and ruin my whole game." "Well, I don't think it is their fault that you are choosing to act like this."  "I am having a bad day. I didn't get much sleep last night, I don't feel good, they ruin everything, and I just..(sob)...want...(sob)....to be left alone." ::blink, blink::
     First I was taken a back at this mini teenage argument with my 6 year old. Oh my. She was really acting like this was the end of the world. But also, I was not liking how she was really to blame the whole world for her situation. I sat and waited until she had calmed down. Then we talked about blame. Whose fault was what. How we need to take responsibility for our actions, even if our little brother did "deserve" to get a doll thrown at him...sigh.
     I thought of this when I was finishing my Eve bible study. In Genesis Chapter 3, God asks Adam what is going on? (my paraphrase) Adams answer "The woman you put here with me-she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it." Ahhhh... Good one. Blame God. Basically, Adam is saying this is not my fault. If anything God it is your fault. You put this woman here. Or if you don't want to go there, then it is this woman. After all, SHE picked it and SHE handed it to me. What was I to do?
     Then God turns to Eve, "What is this you have done?" How does she answer. "The serpent deceived me and so I ate." Not my fault. The devil made me do it.
     One of the very concerning things I am noticing in our culture, in adults and children alike, is the lack of responsibility and the abundance of excuses.  Why is your room a mess? You let me stay up to late. Why is your homework not done? My mom didn't remind me. Of course there should be more of this in children. They are learning about taking responsibility. But in adults? Surly there comes a time when we are grown and take responsibility for our actions, for our choices.

     I saw a quote on facebook the other day that made me chuckle.



Don't tell my kids it says stupid. But seriously, sometimes it is your fault. It is my fault. I acted like a jerk. I could give you a host of reasons as to why it should be ok. I am very pregnant. My husband promised and her forgot. My kids won't listen. The list could go on and on. But when it comes right down to it I am responsible for me. Especially when I make the choice to go outside of God's will and sin. No one made me do it. I had a choice. I made it.

     Thankfully the Bible told me that this is not the end. My bad choice, my sin, is not the end. Admitting that yes I was wrong is not where my story ends.

"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."  1 John 1:8,9  In short, I admit it, he forgives me. If I continue to play the blame game, I find no peace. It will always be someone or something else. I lose control of my choices and my life. I have handed over the reins to another. I don't want anyone having that kind of power over me. I make my choices. When they are wrong, I admit it. I blame no one but myself. I go to God to say "I am sorry" and we begin again.

     I wonder how things may have turned out had Adam and Eve gone to God looking for mercy instead of presenting excuses. But then we know the end of that story don't we. That is where this old and new combine. God would send His one and only son. That those who are looking for forgiveness will receive it. That his blood would cover anyone who knelt and asked. That means placing the blame where it belongs. On me.

Eve- Just Stop

Yesterday, I told you a little bit about my friend Eve.
     Lesson 2- Just stop
     My darling husband works-a lot. He also works very hard and long hours. His shifts are 12 hours long and he drives over an hour one way to work. At times, especially on certain shifts, my husband can come home in not a pleasant mood. In these times, I warn the children. Daddy is very tired and you should be extra nice. You would think I would take my own advice.
     For example, Scott comes home from day shift around 7 o cock at night. He has woke up at 3:30 and left the house by 4 a.m. He drives over an hour and gets to work around 5ish. Works, showers, and then drives home. Then he has to eat and go to bed to be up again at 3:30 a.m. Honestly, I would die if I kept his schedule. But when he gets home, I have not seen him all day. I have things to nag him ask him about. I have to talk to him.
me- "Did you call to get the dumpster removed?"
Scott- "I forgot I will call tomorrow."
me- " We are going to get charged extra."
Scott-"No we won't. I was busy today at work and I will call tomorrow."
Just stop
me- "Yes, we will get charged. I have the bill on the fridge. It has been a week."
Scott- "I know when we got it. I will take care of it tomorrow. There is nothing I can do now."
JUST STOP
Me- "I wish you would have told me you were going to be busy. I could have called."
Scott- now mad "I don't want you to call,. I said I would take care of it and I will."

JUST STOP
     You would think I would know when to stop. Sometimes I do. I said my peace, I hear a little voice telling me "enough already" and I stop. Life goes on and tragedy averted. But many times I don't stop. I just keep going. Yes, I heard the little voice. Yes I know better...but I just keep going anyway.
     The moment when Eve is looking at the fruit, we are shouting "For the love of everything, don't do it! Walk away! Run away! Just get away!" We in our self righteousness ask how hard would it have been to just put down the fruit and turn away. Hard indeed.
     Because sin has a way of tempting us where we need it the most..or the least. It hits fast and hard and looks so darn good. She had it all...but this. This would bring wisdom. Wisdom she wanted and that she thought she needed. JUST STOP.
     But she didn't and we don't. When we hear that little voice saying "walk away" and instead we walk into it. One of my bible study questions asked me what is one practical thing I can do to apply what I have learned. I wrote "just stop." Instead of rationalizing why I should or how I could, I should just stop. Instead of trying to get my point across and walking into a trap, I should just stop. Much easier said than done.
     But I will try. The next time I hear it, I will just stop. Before it is too late. Because stopping before a tragedy has begun is much easier than picking up the pieces to put them back together.

Eve- Look to what you have

     I don't like her. Not one little bit. Every time I heard her name, I kind of rose up. What was her problem? She had everything. And I mean everything. She gave it all up. How selfish, stupid (don't tell my kids I used that word), and naive. Unfortunately, due to her, we all with a double X chromosome have to suffer. As a matter of fact, I will be suffering any day now thanks to her. I just didn't get her.
   One of my friends asked me if I would be interested in doing a summer Bible study with her and some friends. Of course! We are doing "Bad Girls of the Bible." The first woman we look to...EVE. I must admit I sighed a little. Her. As I read her story, I begged her to stop. Of course we all see the train wreak coming. It is like one of our favorite movies we watch over and over. If we can just scream into the screen loud enough she will look at the snake, the apple, and then walk away. But she never does. She bites, offers it to her husband (don't get me started on him), and then comes the fall of humanity. We are all naked. Awe, Eve.
     Sometimes when I read things in the Bible that I have read a hundred times, I tend to gloss over them. What can I lean from this that I have not heard before. But this is the beauty of Bible Study.   I learned a lot. Three main ideas that I learned from my friend now- Eve.
     Lesson 1- Look to what you have
     Over four years ago, I stood in a place that I never intended to be. I was standing on my front porch watching the snow fall softly. I thought how odd that something so beautiful was on a day so ugly. I was attending my dad's funeral that day. He left us so suddenly. Massive heart attack. No warning, no goodbye. All I wanted to do was go back. Nothing in life causes you to wish you could go back like death. What bills was I worried about a week ago? What dreams was I frustrated because they were on hold? What was I complaining, thinking, or worrying about? My yesterdays suddenly looked so full of hope and promise. What was I looking at?
     My first lesson that Eve has taught me is to look at what you have today. It is our human fleshly nature to always want more I suppose. You get the promotion- you want another. You kids actually master the skill you have been so dutifully drilling- you need another. You bake cookies- you eat them all---wait...off track. Sometimes I am so busy looking to what I think my future should look like, that I miss seeing all that I have today.

     Like Eve. She had a Father who hand crafted her and her world. She had a husband who adored her. She had every good thing. But it wasn't enough. The snake, the deceiver, came. He told her to look at all she didn't possess. In her reality, it was the fruit. And she wanted it. She knew that God had said no, but she looked at the fruit. She was drawn away from what she was given to what she now wanted. What she now saw as the answer, her new purpose. Her future now with in her grasp.

     I see her look at the fruit, turn it in her hand, and perhaps see her reflection glistening in it. She wanted this new thing that was promised. Think of how it will change her life! And change her life indeed.

     But can I really blame her. How many times have I looked to something that looks to much better that my plain, ordinary life. Too many.

     Today I have a relationship with a loving, merciful, and compassionate God. Today I have a husband who thinks I hung the moon. This of course not being the case. Anyone will tell you he is my better half by far. Today I have four beautiful, healthy, wonderful children who I get to hug, kiss, and treasure. Today I am pregnant with a miracle that will bring such life to us all. Today we have great jobs that we both love and enjoy. Today I have a roof over my head, food in my refrigerator, the love and company of my mom, brothers, sisters, and in laws. Today I have friends who I love and could call on in an instant. Today I am blessed!

     Today Eve helped me see that what I have is good. Really good.