All in

"That's when Thomas, the one called the twin, said to his companions, "Come along. We might as well die with him." John 11:16 The Message

And I laughed. Out loud. I could even hear the tone in his voice. The scene is one of the disciples and Jesus getting ready to head to Bethany to Lazarus. Jesus delays, and the one who was loved dies. The other disciples are calling a no-go back to Bethany. They remind Jesus that they are wanted men back there, but without so much as a backward glance, He begins to walk. 

There were 2 reasons why this passage caught my attention. First is in the comedic beat. I could just hear him saying it, and see him waving his arm, "Come on, come on. Time to die if He says it is time." So matter of  fact. This tells me that Thomas had an unwavering trust in Jesus. He knew that He would rather be in death with his Lord than alive with Him walking away. 

Trust. 

The next time Thomas speaks up is to get some much needed clarification. "Master, we have no idea where you are going . How do you expect us to know the road?" (The message John 14:5) He is not debating whether or not to buy the ticket for the trip or checking the weather report. Jesus was going so all he wanted to know was which road to take when he needed to. 

Trust

Thomas. The poor boy who had the nickname the doubter throughout church history. The nickname has always sat uneasy with me. After I read that line about sticking it out with Jesus, I really began to look closer at who Thomas was, and I decided he should be referred to as the trusting one. 

Thomas never doubted Jesus. He doubted himself. He doubted the people around him. But never Jesus. In that room, he doubted the disciples. Maybe it was just an angry retort "I need to feel the nails and the place where his side was pierced." Thomas was the information gather. He was devoted to Jesus even if he had to bring out his first century GPS to find this road Jesus was talking about. He said, "Let's go die with Him." He said, "Where is this road?" And he says, in a sense, "Help me Jesus find the truth."

I think Thomas was an all or nothing guy. With Jesus, he was all in. Until he wasn't. Until he hung back and heard the roaring crowds call for his death. His heart is breaking because he thinks his trust was broken. Did he back the wrong guy? His heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest when he heard the whip crack and the mocking words. As he watched Jesus drag the wooden torture device up the dusty path, did he wonder where was this road he was suppose to take?

This isn't the way it was suppose to go. I believe that he wanted to touch the hands to show himself it happened. It was real. He wasn't trapped in some nightmarish loop. How can someone's life mission change in a moment. 

The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. Heb 11:1 the message  

In a time, of overwhelming confusion, he had to hold to the truth. He needed it more than a drowning man needs a raft. This is what I see. This is what I know. His mind tried to muddle everything out when his heart was barely beating. 

At times, I doubt myself. I doubt the people around me. But never Jesus. I cling to His promises of always being by my side despite what I see. I believe that his love will be eternal. I trust that even if the whole world turns it back on me, He never will. 

When he saw, he proclaimed "My God. My Master." As his heart breathed its sigh of relief. I knew it! He was all in.