My kidisms

Me- "Bella, please, please don't make a mess."
Bella- "Mommy, please please don't tell me not to make a mess. I have to."
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Me- I sound like a broken record player today. stop fighting..stop fighting....stop fighting
Luke- What is a record player?
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Will- You just wouldn't get that movie Luke.
Me- Why is that?
Will- Because you have to understand awesomeness and he is not old enough yet.


I am now 37 weeks and a couple days. My ticker tells me this is 19 days from my due date. Hooray. I had my appointment today. Good news- I lost a pound. More good news Dr said his head is down and ready to go. Good boy. I figure my not so good news? "very, very soft, but no dilation yet." Then he smiled. He smiled...AGH....

I have never had an appointment this late when I wasn't dilating yet. I know this little guy may hold out until his due date. Heck, I am sure many many of you can tell me stories about how you went WEEKS...months even past yours. Please...don't. I also know how beyond blessed I am to be carrying this little guy to term. I get it all. But I will say I was a little disappointed. With my stomach issues coming full circle again, no sleep, and all that I would like to meet my little one sooner than later.

Speaking of no sleep, the night before my kids were up late. The kitten woke me up crying no less than 6 times before 2:30. I finally had to put her in the locked living room. Then Noah woke me up barking at 3:30.  Had to take care of him. Scott calls at 5:30 to say he is on his way home. I can't sleep until he is home. Then it is time to get up for appointment.

I spent the day tired. Which is probably why dinner was not so fun. I asked all four kids to make dinner but I had no takers. Looks like it is up to me. I decided to make spaghetti. Why yes I did just tell you my stomach was not doing so good. But I press on. Why was dinner not so fun? Why yes I did get sick. And yes Bella made a mess. But the real reason was because after I left the room my wonderful darling children decided to have a spaghetti noodle fight. Yes-let me repeat. A FOOD FIGHT with SPAGHETTI in my kitchen. I walked into it. Then when I told them they would be cleaning it up, my little 4 year old had the nerve to pout and say "why do we have to clean?"

It has been a long day. I write this because someday I will be looking back through my archives and say remember when and laugh about finding spaghetti even on the cat's scratching post in the hall. Even IN my bread box. On the side of the trash can. Someday. Not today. Today we all have an early bedtime.

VBS- take one

     Last week I stopped in the post office from the town I grew up in (where my mom still lives) and saw a sign for VBS at the church where I used to attend VBS so many moons ago. For one week of the summer, my brothers and I would jump out of bed, and with quarters in hand, attend the local united Methodist church's Vacation Bible School. We loved it! I still have such awesome memories of the songs we sang, crafts we did, and the lessons that were taught.
     It was pretty crazy tonight going in for the program and seeing the same little church with the same faded red carpet. They did the same pledges and sang some of the same songs. The closing song being "Jesus loves me" of course. My own kids sitting in the same pews we sat in so long ago.
     The same man who taught my class now runs the VBS program at the church. It is a very very small church in a very very small town, but this man presses on telling these kids about Jesus. I went in the basement to use the bathroom during the annual VBS hot dog roast. John, the man who patiently dealt with our antics so long ago and still was telling kids about the Bible was pulling out a bag of trash. I stopped before leaving and called his name. He looked up and smiled. I told him I remembered him teaching my class over 20 more years ago. He nodded and said he remembered. I told him that I just wanted to thank him for what he did. I really think our faith is the combined efforts of so many angels on earth. A seeded panted by one and then watered by another. And even more so I wanted to thank him for what he did this week. My kids loved it and heard  and grew a little more. He told me thank you so much. "You don't do it for pats on the back, but that means a lot. Because sometimes it gets hard." I nodded and got what he was saying. In any ministry, we sometimes step back and ask if we are really making a difference. I told him thanks again for everything and went back to burn marshmallows and chasing my kids through the grave yard. Again, Bakerton VBS traditions.
     So to all of you angels in children or youth ministry- Thank-you. From a former child/youth where your effort made a difference. Now from a mom trying to raise children to always look to Jesus. I thank-you.

Waiting for VBS program to start

My three superheros. This week they learned about heroes of the Bible

Luke said "Do you know that Jesus is the biggest superhero?"

Singing together

so sweet

Wonder Will

Burning..uummm toasting marshmallows

Utrasound #3

     I went into my appointment a little nervous. I sat in the waiting room and an older woman smiled at me. She spoke broken engish and asked "your first baby?" I smiled and said "no fifth." She put her head back and laughed. "You look so young." "Well, thank-you very much." I guess you could say it certainly began on the upward swing.
     The tech was awesome. She asked if I was having any problems and I told her no. Then said "well we are looking for his positioning I guess. So that may be a problem. She began quickly and said "he is head down." Very confused I asked her again. She said his head is down and his butt is here (up by ribs) His hands are here (left side). I asked her what had happened. She asked if I had felt him move. No I didn't. He must have moved.
     His head though is not engaged or low yet. And he is measuring small. Although she asked me if I have small babies and I said usually high 6 pounds. She smiled and told me not to worry. This little guy was just going to be small like his brothers and sisters.
     Now, I am waiting for my appointment on Monday to talk with my doctor. See what is going on.
     I guess I am now at the waiting and nervous point. Way ready to have the baby. Nervous that it is time and all that means. And overwhelmed with to-do lists.

What is that you say?

What was that you say about control? Yesterday I went to my week 36 check-up. As much as I can't wait to meet our little guy, I can't help but feel a little nervous about the big day getting so close. I lay back on the table and Dr. chuckled as a knee or elbow or something kicked back at him. I thought I may have noticed that he was spending a lot of time poking at my belly. After the exam he sat me up. He told me no dilation yet but very soft. And he is sideways.

Just like my mom had said. She had noticed I was carrying differently. The plan is to get an ultra sound on Wednesday (tomorrow) and then see what that shows. How much he is sideways. Then I have an appointment on Monday (week 37) to talk about "things." He told me that if I feel contractions then get to the hospital. I have been known to have a couple short labors. He said their is a machine right there that will tell him where the baby is and if he is not engaged that he will "go in and take him." C-section

What was that I was saying about control? Truly there is not much I can do. I will hope and pray that he turns. That he is a late bloomer. But as I told Dr., obviously whatever gets him here safely I am ok with. Of course this adds to my what if list.

Today when I woke up I had a little 2 1/2 year old head in my back. She has been getting up in the middle of the night and "sleep in your bed mommy." I turned and peeled her out of my back and wrapped my arms around her. Although the "baby" smell has left long ago, I still love to smell her hair. As I stroked her hair and cheek, I told myself not to worry. Too soon this all shall pass. No matter what recovery will look like, before I know it, it will be a collection of memories in my heart. My little guy will be discovering the world, jumping and playing, and I will be playing the remember when game.

So onto tomorrow. On the plus side of all this, it will be exciting to see him again. Get some more pics for his scrapbook. ;)

Sunday Morning Wondering

I was up since 4:00. I told husband that when he called heading home from work.
"why are you up?"
"I don't know. Just can't sleep"
"Ya just miss me."
"maybe"
When he finally arrives he brings me breakfast in bed. A custard coconut creme donut from Sheetz.
Scot- "I am going to invent something."
me- "Oh yeah?"
Scott- "A machine that evenly distributes the jelly inside a donut. This doesn't happen with cream or custard. Just jelly."
me- "Maybe it is the jelly consistency? Cream lends itself to spreading more easily."
Scott- Well, it is unfair to all of us Jelly eaters of the world. Either find a way to squirt in the jelly to have it evenly spaced or cut it and spread and put it back together."
me- "Why do they call a donut breakfast? It is basically eating cake."
Scott- "A donut is not cake. It is a breakfast pastry."
me- "Which is cake. Look at it. It has icing and sprinkles for crying out loud."
Scott- "Not cake."
me- "And how is this acceptable to us. Do we have dessert and call it a meal any other time of the day? Nope. I tell my kids food first but for breakfast we eat cake?"
Scott- "You need to sleep."

And after that very thought provoking discussion, I did. A very nice sleep. I guess I did miss him.

Clearly cake....

cleaning and control

     Today I brought the bassinet down from the attic and changed all the pink ribbons on it (from Bella) to blue. Tossed the bedding in the washer.  Since my blog runner is letting me know that I have 31 days until my due date, I thought I should maybe have some clean clothes and a place to sleep for the newest man in my life.
     When my back started to bother me I laid down, then I got up and asked my son to go get the cleaning wipes. The ceiling fan in my room needed cleaned. This is where my husband found me. "What are you doing?" he asked. "Cleaning." "Does that have to be done now." "Yes, did you look at it. Right now." "You are crazy," as he leaves the room.
     Some may call this "nesting" as see the above 31 day reference. I have a theory on this "nesting." I have heard some people say that it is your body having all this energy building up to have the baby. Or it has been said that it is your body unconsciously or even consciously preparing a clean place for the newborn. But I think it all comes down to control.
     I have been through 4 labor and deliveries now. Every one different and unique. From my water breaking with Will, to getting my first epidural with Rachel, Luke coming 3 weeks early, and Bella coming so quickly- I know nothing goes as planned.
     That being said I feel like cleaning can bring some sort of order to my last minute, chaotic world. I have no idea when Nicholas Paul will bless us with his presence. Honestly I am not sure where I will be, how long it will take, or what I will need. It is out of my hands and I hate that feeling.
     Control is something I am very familiar with. I am a planner and a double checker. I plan for the unexpected and think ahead on everything. This stage of the game makes me nervous. Very nervous. What do I do? I clean ceiling fans, make lists, and try to keep busy. Soon and very soon, I will have a brand new story to tell and a new little boy to hold....and a clean ceiling fan.

spa day

Rachel applying. Like a professional

so beautiful

soaking the feet in
bubbles

Rachel getting a foot massage from daddy

She told him she was docking his tip for ticking

Then polish. She did mine and I did hers.

Me and baby girl