Wednesday, June 6, 2012

cleaning and control


     Today I brought the bassinet down from the attic and changed all the pink ribbons on it (from Bella) to blue. Tossed the bedding in the washer.  Since my blog runner is letting me know that I have 31 days until my due date, I thought I should maybe have some clean clothes and a place to sleep for the newest man in my life.
     When my back started to bother me I laid down, then I got up and asked my son to go get the cleaning wipes. The ceiling fan in my room needed cleaned. This is where my husband found me. "What are you doing?" he asked. "Cleaning." "Does that have to be done now." "Yes, did you look at it. Right now." "You are crazy," as he leaves the room.
     Some may call this "nesting" as see the above 31 day reference. I have a theory on this "nesting." I have heard some people say that it is your body having all this energy building up to have the baby. Or it has been said that it is your body unconsciously or even consciously preparing a clean place for the newborn. But I think it all comes down to control.
     I have been through 4 labor and deliveries now. Every one different and unique. From my water breaking with Will, to getting my first epidural with Rachel, Luke coming 3 weeks early, and Bella coming so quickly- I know nothing goes as planned.
     That being said I feel like cleaning can bring some sort of order to my last minute, chaotic world. I have no idea when Nicholas Paul will bless us with his presence. Honestly I am not sure where I will be, how long it will take, or what I will need. It is out of my hands and I hate that feeling.
     Control is something I am very familiar with. I am a planner and a double checker. I plan for the unexpected and think ahead on everything. This stage of the game makes me nervous. Very nervous. What do I do? I clean ceiling fans, make lists, and try to keep busy. Soon and very soon, I will have a brand new story to tell and a new little boy to hold....and a clean ceiling fan.

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