I Kissed Dating Good-bye Revisited

           

         

        

            I read the Josh Harris book I kissed dating goodbye….twice. I built a Sunday school lessons around it for my teenagers, but I always found a measure of unease in some parts of it. So when I put it into practice or spoke about it, I pulled back on some things and emphasized others.

            The basic idea was that as a follower of Jesus, you were to “kiss dating goodbye” and hold off on pursuing a romantic relationship until a time when you were ready for marriage. Which led to a lot of very fast courtships, faster marriages, and a painful view for those who had already “missed the mark.”

            The book has a very linear view. Which makes sense because a 21 year old had written it. While this certainly isn’t the case for all, my 21 year old view was also a set of if….then…. If you followed the magic formula, then you would have a magical unicorn marriage. If you didn’t follow it, heartbreak and surely destruction would follow. I understand that many have been hurt by the hardhearted rules theory behind it all. I certainly don’t place all the blame on Harris for this. Christian culture at the time was eating it up. Even today, many churches use this formula to live out their walk with Christ. And we miss the forest for the trees.

            Can I have a minute to tell you about my Jesus? He does not require one thing in order to convince Him to love you. Not one. The Bible says “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” NIV Romans 5:8 The Passion Translation says it this way “⁸ But Christ proved God’s passionate love for us by dying in our place while we were still lost..”

             

            My children have been plently unlovable. They have said crappy things and thrown things. Destroyed things and done exactly what I just told them not to do. Never once have I ever questioned my love for them. Jesus loves them more. And loves me more.I didn't have to come to church to earn His love. I didn’t have to repent and change to have him consider me part of His family. I didn’t have to give money, stay away from THIS sin, pray, read my bible, quit swearing, exercise three times a day, avoid dairy, wear only yellow on Tuesday…. Etc.  Even at my most unlovable, He still would have chosen to walk that hill and take that whip. He never hesitated in taking those nails and hanging from that tree. The place that my separation from God has earned me. When I miss that mark, He still looks at me and smile and says I would do it all again for you.  Let me tell you about MY Jesus. He love you. Period. No conditions. No asterisks. No if..then…

            Now, the kicker. He loves you so very much, he refuses to leave you in a situation that will bring you pain and keep your destiny from you. Like any parent, we do not give guidelines to take all the fun and joy out of living. Much to my Rachel’s surprise. We give these guidelines because we see the dangers ahead and around more clearly than our children do. We have extra experience and knowledge to see where that choice will lead. So we say no. Not out of power, but out of love. For wanting better for them. So it is with my Jesus.

            What I do believe that Harris got right was that our world has a distorted and often dangerous view of love. My favorite quote from the book was this-“The world takes us to a silver screen on which flickering images of passion and romance play, and as we watch, the world says, “This is love.” God takes us to the foot of a tree on which a naked and bloodied man hangs and says, “This is love.” The world tells us that love is what makes us feel good. Love is a feeling and when the love is gone so should the commitment. It also tells me that love, as well as truth, is not absolute and is dependent on your own personal views and ideals.

            Truth and love are not based on feelings or individual belief. Feeling can be a great manipulator. Feelings are not truth. Feelings can be the result of a bad day or a great day. Feelings can be the result of hormones or hunger. Feelings can be irrational. But marriage is where the two can intertwine so beautifully. Romantic love and committed love.

            Life is truly what you make it. While Jesus never needed me to complete his masterplan for creation, He WANTS me. We need each other in this journey. We need each other to laugh with and cry with. To grow with and praise with. To pray with and pick each other up. My family attends Cross Cut Church in Hastings which is a nondenominational church located in Hastings, PA. We are a group of imperfect people worshiping the perfect God. We would be honored for you to join us.

            When it comes down to it, we can force by fear, hammer with hurt, pressure with pain, or bully by browbeating, but only love can provide a lasting and converted change of heart. This is the gospel. That God loves you so very ,very much that he would go to hell and back to save you. Not just to save you from an eternity of hell without Him, but to save you from yourself.  Somehow I give him this broken and damaged life, and He alone can bring forth something beautiful. That truly is His biggest miracle.