I Kissed Dating Good-bye Revisited

           

         

        

            I read the Josh Harris book I kissed dating goodbye….twice. I built a Sunday school lessons around it for my teenagers, but I always found a measure of unease in some parts of it. So when I put it into practice or spoke about it, I pulled back on some things and emphasized others.

            The basic idea was that as a follower of Jesus, you were to “kiss dating goodbye” and hold off on pursuing a romantic relationship until a time when you were ready for marriage. Which led to a lot of very fast courtships, faster marriages, and a painful view for those who had already “missed the mark.”

            The book has a very linear view. Which makes sense because a 21 year old had written it. While this certainly isn’t the case for all, my 21 year old view was also a set of if….then…. If you followed the magic formula, then you would have a magical unicorn marriage. If you didn’t follow it, heartbreak and surely destruction would follow. I understand that many have been hurt by the hardhearted rules theory behind it all. I certainly don’t place all the blame on Harris for this. Christian culture at the time was eating it up. Even today, many churches use this formula to live out their walk with Christ. And we miss the forest for the trees.

            Can I have a minute to tell you about my Jesus? He does not require one thing in order to convince Him to love you. Not one. The Bible says “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” NIV Romans 5:8 The Passion Translation says it this way “⁸ But Christ proved God’s passionate love for us by dying in our place while we were still lost..”

             

            My children have been plently unlovable. They have said crappy things and thrown things. Destroyed things and done exactly what I just told them not to do. Never once have I ever questioned my love for them. Jesus loves them more. And loves me more.I didn't have to come to church to earn His love. I didn’t have to repent and change to have him consider me part of His family. I didn’t have to give money, stay away from THIS sin, pray, read my bible, quit swearing, exercise three times a day, avoid dairy, wear only yellow on Tuesday…. Etc.  Even at my most unlovable, He still would have chosen to walk that hill and take that whip. He never hesitated in taking those nails and hanging from that tree. The place that my separation from God has earned me. When I miss that mark, He still looks at me and smile and says I would do it all again for you.  Let me tell you about MY Jesus. He love you. Period. No conditions. No asterisks. No if..then…

            Now, the kicker. He loves you so very much, he refuses to leave you in a situation that will bring you pain and keep your destiny from you. Like any parent, we do not give guidelines to take all the fun and joy out of living. Much to my Rachel’s surprise. We give these guidelines because we see the dangers ahead and around more clearly than our children do. We have extra experience and knowledge to see where that choice will lead. So we say no. Not out of power, but out of love. For wanting better for them. So it is with my Jesus.

            What I do believe that Harris got right was that our world has a distorted and often dangerous view of love. My favorite quote from the book was this-“The world takes us to a silver screen on which flickering images of passion and romance play, and as we watch, the world says, “This is love.” God takes us to the foot of a tree on which a naked and bloodied man hangs and says, “This is love.” The world tells us that love is what makes us feel good. Love is a feeling and when the love is gone so should the commitment. It also tells me that love, as well as truth, is not absolute and is dependent on your own personal views and ideals.

            Truth and love are not based on feelings or individual belief. Feeling can be a great manipulator. Feelings are not truth. Feelings can be the result of a bad day or a great day. Feelings can be the result of hormones or hunger. Feelings can be irrational. But marriage is where the two can intertwine so beautifully. Romantic love and committed love.

            Life is truly what you make it. While Jesus never needed me to complete his masterplan for creation, He WANTS me. We need each other in this journey. We need each other to laugh with and cry with. To grow with and praise with. To pray with and pick each other up. My family attends Cross Cut Church in Hastings which is a nondenominational church located in Hastings, PA. We are a group of imperfect people worshiping the perfect God. We would be honored for you to join us.

            When it comes down to it, we can force by fear, hammer with hurt, pressure with pain, or bully by browbeating, but only love can provide a lasting and converted change of heart. This is the gospel. That God loves you so very ,very much that he would go to hell and back to save you. Not just to save you from an eternity of hell without Him, but to save you from yourself.  Somehow I give him this broken and damaged life, and He alone can bring forth something beautiful. That truly is His biggest miracle.

Lenses to see

Pain shot through my eyes again and despite my knowledge that it was not a good idea, I rubbed my eyes hard and suddenly, the world went blurry. We were at a street fair just walking around. I called for Scott to come over and help me find my contact that was now shoved up into my eye. It popped out of my eye and was super dry, and I knew it wasn’t going back in. I took the other one out because I know vision in only one eye produces some pretty hefty headaches. 

When I looked up after having taken out my contacts the world was a muted blur of colors. I looped my arm through Scott’s because without my glasses, I see nothing but a blur. I see colors but no real shapes or depth. Obviously with my situation, we were heading home but the kids wanted ice cream. We stepped up to the ice cream truck and I got right on top of the sign squinting in vain to see any of what it offered. The kids pointed and ordered and then Scott turned to me and asked what I wanted. A little embarrassed of my predicament I quietly said, “I don’t know. I can’t see.” Scott realized then said sorry and read through the list. I ordered my soft serve vanilla cone, and the woman handed it to Scott. I could then tell he was holding it out to me, but it was even hard to see that close. I slowly held up my hand and he put the treat in my hand. I then looped my arm through his, and we headed to the van where thankfully my glasses were in my bag. 

I didn’t think much about it again until this week when I was attending a leadership class at my church when our leader, Patty Sodmont, was speaking on honoring others. She spoke on seeing people through God’s lens. She gave us the definition of lens and of being the research nerd I am I looked up more information on different lenses. Here is what I found..

“These include tilt and shift lenses for perspective control, soft-focus lenses for portrait photography, and infrared lenses for capturing light outside the normal spectrum. A specialist lens is used to produce some sort of special or creative effect, and so they have limited use in general photography.” 

I felt God’s prompting for me to connect the dots. When I put on God’s lens it is truly like going from my blind state without my contacts to vision. If I had only known a world with my own God given eyes, I would never know what I was missing. This is why “corrective lenses” are often on my list of blessings. Without my glasses, the ivy that winds up my porch would be a green, gray mushed mess. With my glasses, I can see the different greens with shades and highlights. I can follow the veins of the leaves into the intricate patterns and raindrops that reflect the spectrum of light. With my glasses I can see the true simplicity yet beauty that God created. 

Then I went to prayer. God began to bring to my heart a broken people Not just broken, but people are ostracized and condemned by men. For whatever reason, people that others feel it is their right almost their duty to tear down. Though sometimes through choices of their own, these are the people that we see as unworthy. We don’t say that (at least most of us don’t). We do make it a point to see around them.  To see through them. Hardly ever to see them. I mean really see through God’s lens. Not to just see what is happening today, but seeing the why. Not seeing people for a way they can fit into my agenda, but seeing their intrinsic value created in the image of Christ Jesus. But putting on the lens of Christ and seeing past the filth of the world that Jesus looks past with me everyday. 

How quick we are to demean people over their own choice of mud. I teach a unit on soil here in second grade, and any 7 year old can tell you that you can call it “humus,” “clay,” or “sand,” but at the end of the day it is all dirt that Mrs. Demi makes you scrub off your hands before the bell rings. We may all find the dirt in different ways, but thank you Jesus for the blood that God sees us differently. 

I don’t know about you, but my five children have been muddy. Photographic evidence below! I know what is hidden beneath. Muddy or clean I look at them through the lens of a mother. I need to start looking at everyone through the lens of my Father. When I put on his lens, everyone comes into focus. No longer am I seeing blurs but all the intricate details. It changes my perspective and helps me see outside the ordinary. I see deeper and truer. That is my prayer.