Can you see me?

         

 The rain pounded on the windshield and lightening flashed through the sky. Although I am a lover of springtime storms and rain is my favorite, I was not such a fan as I was driving back from Pittsburgh after visiting with the Miller family and welcoming baby Natalie into the craziness that is our loving family. Bella, Nick, and I were in the van following the rest of our crew. I had traveled out to Pittsburgh using Google Maps, but I had not turned it on since we were following Scott.

As the storm raged on, Bella begins to sob. If you have ever been a witness to a Bella meltdown, it is not a good time. She is overwhelmed, hard to reason with, and LOUD. Which was not appreciated as I was trying to navigate through the storm.

Me- “Bella, what is the problem?”

Bella- “We are going to die! I can’t see Daddy anymore!”

Which was true. In the driving rain and afternoon traffic, Scott’s car was no longer right in front of us.

Me- “Daddy is still in front of us. We will catch up. We just can’t see him.”

Bella- “But if you can’t see him, how do you know?”

Me- “Because I know Daddy. He would never leave us. Once the rain slows and he sees we are not right behind him he will pull over and wait. He would never leave us behind.”

She seemed to think this through with her little face in a mask of deep concentration. 2 glorious minutes of silence as I watch the back of the headlights and look for the familiar ones. Bella starts to cry again.

Me- with more frustration that I would like to admit- “WHAT NOW?”

Bella- “We are going to die! I don’t see Daddy!”

Me- “Isabella Noel! Do you trust me?

Bella- who paused way longer than I liked- “yes.”

Me- “Would I ever let anything happen to you?”

Bella- “No.”

Me- “Ok then. Trust me now. Daddy is in front of us. We can’t see him but I know he is there. You know I would never let anything happen to you. Now sit there and let me do the job you trust me to do!”

She quiets. I see Scott pulled over at the side of the road.

Bella- “Mommy, you were right! There is Daddy”

I am happy to report that we all made it home safely. However, Bella will be traveling with Daddy next trip….

 Can I be honest with ya’all? Sometimes I have no idea where I am going. Whether it is in the middle of a lecture with my kids, a lesson with my students, or a conversation with my husband, sometimes I don’t know where I am heading. How often have you thought… Now, where was I going with that?

God knows where we are going. Even when I don’t see him, I know his character and I know that he is there. I can say with confidence that He will never leave me. Never expect me to figure it out and for that I am grateful.

Sometimes in the storms of my life I may feel scared. I may not SEE God in front of me. It may even cross my mind to pull over and try and figure this thing out. However, I do know a few things which leads me to continue on.  I trust that my Father loves me and He is in front. He would never send me to a place that he has not secured ahead of time. Just like I knew Scott was there even though I didn’t see” him, I know God is there whether  there I recognize his presence or not. He would never let me go off on my own. He loves me too much.

In this trip I also worked through what I imagine the frustrations of God. I can see me throwing  a temper tantrum like Bella.  But God don’t you know….can’t you see…How can I possibly….. And God shouts out “Theresa Marie! Do you trust me?”

Just like my sweet Bella, my mind flashed through situation after situation where God has been faithful. He picked me up that time. He saved me from my own darkness that time. He was better to me that I deserved after I disappointed him that time. Do I trust Him enough to place my life in his hands and say come what may,  "I trust you God.”