I Kissed Dating Good-bye Revisited

           

         

        

            I read the Josh Harris book I kissed dating goodbye….twice. I built a Sunday school lessons around it for my teenagers, but I always found a measure of unease in some parts of it. So when I put it into practice or spoke about it, I pulled back on some things and emphasized others.

            The basic idea was that as a follower of Jesus, you were to “kiss dating goodbye” and hold off on pursuing a romantic relationship until a time when you were ready for marriage. Which led to a lot of very fast courtships, faster marriages, and a painful view for those who had already “missed the mark.”

            The book has a very linear view. Which makes sense because a 21 year old had written it. While this certainly isn’t the case for all, my 21 year old view was also a set of if….then…. If you followed the magic formula, then you would have a magical unicorn marriage. If you didn’t follow it, heartbreak and surely destruction would follow. I understand that many have been hurt by the hardhearted rules theory behind it all. I certainly don’t place all the blame on Harris for this. Christian culture at the time was eating it up. Even today, many churches use this formula to live out their walk with Christ. And we miss the forest for the trees.

            Can I have a minute to tell you about my Jesus? He does not require one thing in order to convince Him to love you. Not one. The Bible says “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” NIV Romans 5:8 The Passion Translation says it this way “⁸ But Christ proved God’s passionate love for us by dying in our place while we were still lost..”

             

            My children have been plently unlovable. They have said crappy things and thrown things. Destroyed things and done exactly what I just told them not to do. Never once have I ever questioned my love for them. Jesus loves them more. And loves me more.I didn't have to come to church to earn His love. I didn’t have to repent and change to have him consider me part of His family. I didn’t have to give money, stay away from THIS sin, pray, read my bible, quit swearing, exercise three times a day, avoid dairy, wear only yellow on Tuesday…. Etc.  Even at my most unlovable, He still would have chosen to walk that hill and take that whip. He never hesitated in taking those nails and hanging from that tree. The place that my separation from God has earned me. When I miss that mark, He still looks at me and smile and says I would do it all again for you.  Let me tell you about MY Jesus. He love you. Period. No conditions. No asterisks. No if..then…

            Now, the kicker. He loves you so very much, he refuses to leave you in a situation that will bring you pain and keep your destiny from you. Like any parent, we do not give guidelines to take all the fun and joy out of living. Much to my Rachel’s surprise. We give these guidelines because we see the dangers ahead and around more clearly than our children do. We have extra experience and knowledge to see where that choice will lead. So we say no. Not out of power, but out of love. For wanting better for them. So it is with my Jesus.

            What I do believe that Harris got right was that our world has a distorted and often dangerous view of love. My favorite quote from the book was this-“The world takes us to a silver screen on which flickering images of passion and romance play, and as we watch, the world says, “This is love.” God takes us to the foot of a tree on which a naked and bloodied man hangs and says, “This is love.” The world tells us that love is what makes us feel good. Love is a feeling and when the love is gone so should the commitment. It also tells me that love, as well as truth, is not absolute and is dependent on your own personal views and ideals.

            Truth and love are not based on feelings or individual belief. Feeling can be a great manipulator. Feelings are not truth. Feelings can be the result of a bad day or a great day. Feelings can be the result of hormones or hunger. Feelings can be irrational. But marriage is where the two can intertwine so beautifully. Romantic love and committed love.

            Life is truly what you make it. While Jesus never needed me to complete his masterplan for creation, He WANTS me. We need each other in this journey. We need each other to laugh with and cry with. To grow with and praise with. To pray with and pick each other up. My family attends Cross Cut Church in Hastings which is a nondenominational church located in Hastings, PA. We are a group of imperfect people worshiping the perfect God. We would be honored for you to join us.

            When it comes down to it, we can force by fear, hammer with hurt, pressure with pain, or bully by browbeating, but only love can provide a lasting and converted change of heart. This is the gospel. That God loves you so very ,very much that he would go to hell and back to save you. Not just to save you from an eternity of hell without Him, but to save you from yourself.  Somehow I give him this broken and damaged life, and He alone can bring forth something beautiful. That truly is His biggest miracle.

Lenses to see

Pain shot through my eyes again and despite my knowledge that it was not a good idea, I rubbed my eyes hard and suddenly, the world went blurry. We were at a street fair just walking around. I called for Scott to come over and help me find my contact that was now shoved up into my eye. It popped out of my eye and was super dry, and I knew it wasn’t going back in. I took the other one out because I know vision in only one eye produces some pretty hefty headaches. 

When I looked up after having taken out my contacts the world was a muted blur of colors. I looped my arm through Scott’s because without my glasses, I see nothing but a blur. I see colors but no real shapes or depth. Obviously with my situation, we were heading home but the kids wanted ice cream. We stepped up to the ice cream truck and I got right on top of the sign squinting in vain to see any of what it offered. The kids pointed and ordered and then Scott turned to me and asked what I wanted. A little embarrassed of my predicament I quietly said, “I don’t know. I can’t see.” Scott realized then said sorry and read through the list. I ordered my soft serve vanilla cone, and the woman handed it to Scott. I could then tell he was holding it out to me, but it was even hard to see that close. I slowly held up my hand and he put the treat in my hand. I then looped my arm through his, and we headed to the van where thankfully my glasses were in my bag. 

I didn’t think much about it again until this week when I was attending a leadership class at my church when our leader, Patty Sodmont, was speaking on honoring others. She spoke on seeing people through God’s lens. She gave us the definition of lens and of being the research nerd I am I looked up more information on different lenses. Here is what I found..

“These include tilt and shift lenses for perspective control, soft-focus lenses for portrait photography, and infrared lenses for capturing light outside the normal spectrum. A specialist lens is used to produce some sort of special or creative effect, and so they have limited use in general photography.” 

I felt God’s prompting for me to connect the dots. When I put on God’s lens it is truly like going from my blind state without my contacts to vision. If I had only known a world with my own God given eyes, I would never know what I was missing. This is why “corrective lenses” are often on my list of blessings. Without my glasses, the ivy that winds up my porch would be a green, gray mushed mess. With my glasses, I can see the different greens with shades and highlights. I can follow the veins of the leaves into the intricate patterns and raindrops that reflect the spectrum of light. With my glasses I can see the true simplicity yet beauty that God created. 

Then I went to prayer. God began to bring to my heart a broken people Not just broken, but people are ostracized and condemned by men. For whatever reason, people that others feel it is their right almost their duty to tear down. Though sometimes through choices of their own, these are the people that we see as unworthy. We don’t say that (at least most of us don’t). We do make it a point to see around them.  To see through them. Hardly ever to see them. I mean really see through God’s lens. Not to just see what is happening today, but seeing the why. Not seeing people for a way they can fit into my agenda, but seeing their intrinsic value created in the image of Christ Jesus. But putting on the lens of Christ and seeing past the filth of the world that Jesus looks past with me everyday. 

How quick we are to demean people over their own choice of mud. I teach a unit on soil here in second grade, and any 7 year old can tell you that you can call it “humus,” “clay,” or “sand,” but at the end of the day it is all dirt that Mrs. Demi makes you scrub off your hands before the bell rings. We may all find the dirt in different ways, but thank you Jesus for the blood that God sees us differently. 

I don’t know about you, but my five children have been muddy. Photographic evidence below! I know what is hidden beneath. Muddy or clean I look at them through the lens of a mother. I need to start looking at everyone through the lens of my Father. When I put on his lens, everyone comes into focus. No longer am I seeing blurs but all the intricate details. It changes my perspective and helps me see outside the ordinary. I see deeper and truer. That is my prayer.

Miracle in the Mountain

I took my elementary size finger and followed the wood grains in the pew. I would trace and jump from one set of lines to the other. Sometimes I would try to make pictures out of the different lines and swirls. As I traced over a particular steep slope, the priest came to a scripture in the homily (gospel reading) that gave me pause.

Matthew 17:20 English Standard Version (ESV)

20 He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”[a

In my child’s mind, I pictured Jesus saying to the mountain move, and in a cartoon like fashion, with a face on the mountain at all, the mountain jumps up and moves over a couple feet. I chuckled out loud. Mom gave me a look, and I stared to silently trace the pattern again.

 Last summer at a prayer meeting, I felt this verse rise up in a prayer. No longer did I see the big cartoon. This time I saw the REAL mountains.  Death. Cancer. Depression. Addiction. Abuse. More fearsome than any storm the mountain weather could throw at you. As I began to pray on this verse, I saw it in such a new light. If we have faith God can move our mountain, He does. Not always in the way we expect or on the choices we so carefully outline for Him, but move it He will.

He moves MOUNTAINS. He moves the things that seemed rooted to the foundation of the earth. He parts the oceans with a breath. To us that is the real miracle- making supernatural things happen in this natural world. But that doesn’t come close to the miracle of a family reunited after the pain of drug addiction. To the miracle of a healing treatment for the cancer that seemed unstoppable. For the gift of forgiveness offered in a situation where the very thought seemed impossible at the time. A hand offered, a heart softened, a soul redeemed. There is the miracle in the mountain.

Toliets and Tootsie rolls

God spoke to me yesterday while I was cleaning the toilet.

"Let me explain...no it is too much, Let me sum up."*** Bonus points for naming that movie.

There is a thing with me and God with tootsie rolls. I just found this clip from my journal about a year ago....
"So....Rachel had tootsie roll lollops the other day. I remembered that I used to love those and had not had them in such a long time. On Friday I asked Scott to stop in at the dollar store and get me some. He came back and handed a bag of lollipops...with gum in the middle. Not tootsie rolls. :(

I was so disappointed. Scott said he had search for the tootsie roll ones but couldn't find any. That Sunday my Pastor did a message about God seeing us. Knowing the intimate details of our life. Showing up in places we didn't picture Him. After church when I was gathering up my stuff, I was thinking how awesome it would be for God to really see you and call you. My mom walked up to me and simply handed me 3 tootsie rolls. I had today her nothing of this story. She said she had them and wanted to know if I wanted them. I laughed out loud because I know my God has a sense of humor."

Back to my bathroom. Yesterday I was cleaning  and as moms of boys know, this is no quick wipe and go job. It is a full out mission. Scrub and scrub some more. So I was on scrub number two and I was listening to praise music. Because doesn't everyone listen to praise music while scrubbing urine off the floor. The song that was playing was "Give me Faith" by Elevation Worship.

As I have been feeling overwhelmed lately, worship helps center me. How great to realize the sun doesn't rise and set on me and my victories or failures? That the sun will rise tomorrow (probably) even when the night seems darkest. So here are the lyrics to this song I was singing along with

I need you to soften my heart
And break me apart
I need you to open my eyes
To see that You're shaping my life

All I am, I surrender

Give me faith to trust what you say
That you're good and your love is great
I'm broken inside, I give you my life

I need you to soften my heart
And break me apart
I need you to pierce through the dark
And cleanse every part of me

All I am, I surrender

Give me faith to trust what you say
That you're good and your love is great
I'm broken inside, I give you my life

'Cause I may be weak
But Your spirit strong in me
My flesh may fail
My God you never will 

And then I swear (as true as I want to get to heaven as my mom would say) I found this in my bathroom. 

I don't remember the last time I had a tootsie roll. Or my kids either for that matter. Although is has been too long since I scrubbed down the bathroom (including walls), it hasn't been that long. Where did the wrapper come from? Sometimes I believe God sends us these little reminders that He is there. I do not have a God who is in some far off place who has set the world in motion and then said good luck. I serve a God who knows my heart. Who walks with me in sure times and doubt. Who rejoices with me in good times and cries in bad. This little symbol reached out to me and reminded me that "I may be weak, but Your Spirit is strong in me. My flesh my fail, My God You never will." Through it all, He is shaping me and my life into what it should be day by day and lesson by lesson. I teared up a little when I saw the wrapped and smiled. Closed my fist around it and squeezed. 

Get up and fight

As He went along , he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples ask him, "Rabbi who sinned? This man or his parents that he was born blind?" "Neither this man or his parents sinned, said Jesus " but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life."...Having said this he spit on the ground and made some mud with saliva , and put it on the man's eyes. "Go," he told him wash in the pool of Siloam (Sent)So the man went and washed and came back seeing."

John 9:1-3,6-7

Then news travels fast. People knew this man was born in affliction and something or someone reached into that hell and pulled him out. They saw real change and needed to know where he found it. Everyone wants the magic elixir to take away all their woes and fix it all. I am not alchemist, but you can look to all the ends of the earth and there is no such potion.

"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't no sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it." Rocky Balboa

A question a lot of people often ask in a tragedy is "If God is so wonderful, why did He allow this to happen?"  Before I share my findings, I don't want to minimize the pain people who are in a tragic situation are feeling. It hurts and is unfair. I assure you that the destruction that takes place in this world breaks His heart as well. BUT, the Bible very clearly says that this is not our home. We don't belong here and to that I say "AMEN!" Also, God loves us so much that He will never force anything on anyone. Good or bad, even if it breaks His heart, he allows us to make our own choices. Even, if it quite literally kills Him.

Because we live in a broken and fallen world, bad things happen. Some based on our own choices and some because of others choices. Sometimes it is no ones choice and unavoidable. Pain, disappointment, and scars will come. What can we do with it? How can I use this pain and turn it into good. How can I take this particular situation and bring glory to the God of the universe that gives me the strength to not only stand, but stand firm. To not only walk, but fly with the wings of eagles.

When the darkness comes, you have three options. You can run. This never ends well because darkness can move faster than you. You can laid down and give up. Another idea that never really produces the results you want. Or you can fight. The only catch is that I am not strong enough to fight. Heck, I can’t even stand well on my own with a strong breeze coming my way. But I found the answer!

1 John 4:4 New Living Translation (NLT)

⁴ But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.

I will not be swallowed by darkness. I believe that it is darkest right before the morning comes. These aren’t just pretty words and feel good emotions. This is truth. How do I apply this truth.

1. Believe it. Tell yourself. Remind yourself daily, hourly, minute by minute if you have to that you are deeply loved by the creator. God loved you so much that he would go to hell for you than be in heaven without you. He took the wrath of darkness on Himself so you didn’t have to. He stood between you and death and would not let it take you. He had fire in His eyes, but an endless love in His spirit. Say it out loud. I am loved.

2. Throw out that trash the enemy is telling you. You are worthless or not loved? I don’t think so. Jesus went to the cross for me. Things will never change? I have the Resurrecting power of Christ in me. When those negative thought come, do not give them soil to grow in. You kick that trash to the desert.

3. You walk in that TRUTH. I believe in God’s grace and mercy, and I will not be a prisoner to my past mistakes. I believe God has a plan for my life and I will take one step and make one decision at a time and I will walk forward.

The best miracles are birthed through pain. The best endings are victories while fighting the most vicious foe. God says your story isn’t over and He will not let you be snatched from His hand. Dig deep. Go to the quietest corner of your world and tell Jesus that you are going to walk it out with Him. Hold out your hand and say let’s do this. Because I have places to be and the world to change. God, only through you can I walk through flames of defeat and the smoke of failure. Take my hand and let’s walk. May people see the power of Christ in me through the pain and situations of this world. God, help me to walk through the darkness and bring light to those who need it.

Perfection

           

When I was a kid, I would spend hours and hours trying to best this game. For those of you who might not have had the pleasure of playing this game, the objective is simple. Get all of the pieces in place before the timer goes off and the board pops up, throwing the pieces everywhere. I was terrible at this game. As soon as the timer would begin, each tick would vibrate through my soul. Sometimes I would freeze up, and wouldn’t be able to put one piece in. Sometimes I would start off strong and think I for sure got it, and then pop! All the pieces would come spilling out. I never remember ever getting it.

            Adult life is a lot like this. Striving for perfection. Laying all the pieces out. Hearing the ticking time bomb. Not making it in time and watching all the pieces bounce and clank. Got that mom piece in, now looking for where I put the wife one. Got teacher, sister, and daugher in place, but that reflect Jesus piece slipped out of my hand and rolled under the fridge.

            I may never get all my pieces in line at the same time this side of eternity. That is ok. There is no perfection. Sometimes I feel like everyone else has all their pieces in and are just sitting there with no ticking, and no weird shaped pieces, and no one screaming that the cheese pizza has green specks which you try to explain is flavoring but they are never eating pizza again….

            I need to learn to give myself some grace and a break. Some Days I may be on a roll ( It may happen..) and other days I may have trouble getting the game out of the box or maybe missing a few pieces. That is ok! I am ok! I also know that the One who created the flowers, thunderstorms, and rainbows is also directing my path and helping the pieces to fall in place. I never got this, but I know that WE do. That assurance is worth all the successes, failures, and victories on the way.

IT'S NOT HER FAULT!

Bella- Mom, the tooth fairy is not real. 
me- Why would you say that?
Bella- one time Luke put a tooth under his pillow and it took the toothfairy forever to put a dollar under the pillow. 
me- Look, just because the toothfairy is an incompetent hot mess doesnt make her any less real.
I may need this on a T-shirt

Right or Left

My dad was not a patient man. A funny man? Yep. A stubborn man? Definitely. A man who could fix any car problem I had and squeeze wine from water. Sure. But patient he was not.

                My dad taught me how to drive. The first day I had my permit, my dad was trying to convince me to get into the car in our driveway. “No,” I told him. “I am not ready.” “You have your permit. That means you’re ready. Get in the car.” – (language cleaned up. You are welcome.) He told me that I didn’t have to go anywhere, but I just had to pull forward and backward in the driveway. I should have known better since this was the same man who ALWAYS said “I am not going to pull it. I just want to see how loose it is.” AND every time he would yank out my tooth. The man was not to be trusted. I got in the car and he climbed in beside me. After a slight panic attack, I got the car in gear and very lightly pushed on the gas. I pulled to the top of the driveway. “Ok, now just pull onto the road,” he said in a very calm voice. “No way dad! I am not doing it. You said I didn’t have to!” After a fun screaming session back and forth, I did pull onto the road. Cruising the streets of Bakerton at a cool 5 miles per hour and praying that I wouldn’t kill us both.

                One day, my dad came to pick me up at the high school. He got out of the car and told me that I would drive home. I wasn’t happy, but I got in the car and buckled up. I, unlike my father, has no problem accepting my weaknesses and knew that the buckle was the only thing standing in between me and ever seeing the light of day. We pulled up to the red light in the next town over. I Stop. My dad tells me to take a right turn. The light turns green, and I start to make a right. “RIGHT THERESA,” he screamed at me. “I am!” I yelled right back.” “You are going left I said RIGHT!” He grabbed the wheel and saved us from crashing to our death- or making my dad’s insurance go up which is the same as sudden death.

                You see, even when I was a kid, I would mix up left and right. I don’t know why. I would always have to make the “L” shape with my thumb and pointer finger to figure it out. As a 17 year old drive,r I guess I still had similar problems. I would like to say this was a one-time occurrence, howeve, it wasn’t. The next time this happened and we got into a screaming match, I told him that I get confused. From now on he had to say bracelet or watch. The watch was on my left wrist and the bracelet was on my right.  “Are you serious right now?” “Yes,” I started to cry which is dad kryptonite. “I feel overwhelmed and confused, and you just have to say watch or bracelet!”  He sat in silence, probably wondering why his high honor student could write a 20 page research paper but can’t get left and right. But he started to say it. It was the tears I think.

                The day of my test, my dad took me up and told me good luck. The instructor got in. It didn’t go well. At one point, the instructor told me to turn right. I thought I did until he began to yell “I said RIGHT! This is a one way street!” Apparently, my driving instructor missed the “watch or bracelet memo.” We got back and the instructor got out and walked back into the building. Dad asked me what happened. I burst into tears and told him that he said right and I went left! Then I was on the wrong street and in the wrong lane. I cried the whole way home and my dad tried to calm me down. He told me not to worry about it and I would do better next time. It was the tears- Dad kryptonite I tell ya. For my next chance he took me to a different center where I just had to drive around a block basically. No risky things like saying left or right to confuse me.

                At 38, I am not much better at taking directions as I was as a 17 year old. I am not talking about basic driving instructions. Although  I have been know a time or two to have my GPS yell at me “recalculating” because HE missed the wrist or bracelet memo. Plus I don’t wear either anymore. I am talking about the which path should I take questions? What I am suppose to be doing in this big, vast world? Am I in the right place? Should I stay or move on? Am I where I was meant to be? Am I the only one who sometimes feel like they are stumbling around in the dark?

Psalm 25:4-5

Show me the right path, O Lord

Point out the road for me to follow.

Lead me by your truth and teach me

For you are the God who saves me.

All day long I put my hope in you.

                Let’s be honest here.  I have no idea where I am going. BUT I do know who I can ask, which is better than a GPS.  I can stop, breath, and ask God to show me where I should step. When I should backup. When a U-turn or recalculation is needed. I ask my Father which way do I go? I find myself a quiet place and say simple prayers. “Jesus, which way should I go. Give me the desires of Your heart. Make the things that move Your heart, shift mine. Let all the things that are not You drop away. Guide me Lord.”

                Then I let it go and watch. I look for reminders and encouragement that I am going in the right direction. If I feel uneasy and this path is going against what I know to be true, I turn around. How I wish I was like the psalmist and could say “My steps have stayed on your path. I have not wavered from following you. “ Psalm 17:5 I am a work in progress. I have no doubt that sometimes I may end up going the wrong way down a one way street, but I also know that my co-pilot will get me right on track.  

                Isaiah 42:16 says “"I will lead the blind by a way they do not know, In paths they do not know I will guide them I will make darkness into light before them And rugged places into plains These are the things I will do, And I will not leave them undone." I am claiming that. He will make my darkness light and will smooth out my path. I just have to keep walking and asking for the light.

                On the plus side at least the Bible has mercy on my right and left confusion.

Stay straight my friends.

Victory

Silence.

A heavenly host camped outside of the tomb.  As well as an encampment of shadows and a handful of soldiers who could see neither.

The darkness crawled over the rocks. Slashing and screaming. Their celebrating continuing from the path of the cross.  If you claim celebration as throbbing hatred, screaming death, and hissing in a language that would cause human ears to bleed. Their eyes burning and feet scorching the earth and leaving a trail of death in their wake. The darkness continued to taunt and accuse the light. “Why are they still here?” one creature hissed and slithered down a stone. “They have lost. Their hero is rotting!” a dark mist breathed out.

The Army stayed silent. Hands on swords, armor shining, light pulsing. Waiting.

A path which looked like heat shimmering in the desert began to ripple across the land. The earth began to shake and rocks burst into pieces. A blinding light shot down from the heavens and struck the tomb. Strikes of lightening coated the rocks and streaks of flame torched the ground. Where the darkness had been only ash remained. The black soot scattered in the fury of the wind. The sky lit in a chorus of colors. The veil between heaven and earth was open. The Holy mist descended from on high. The wind became like a howling train and a roar shook the sky.

Then a gasp, a breath, a pause. Power. Thump, thump. A heartbeat. The granite shook. The rock slid. The breath of life. Of victory.

Out from the rock that could contain Him as much as a breeze can stop the hurricane, stepped the Son.  The Army of Light slide to one knee. Heads bowed and swords out. The sky was filled with creatures of light singing and calling. “Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty.” Wings of the purest gold and voices that seem to melt into the sky.   

His face was the brightest star. His robe was the brightest of white with streaks of lightening flashing with His steps. Crystals like diamonds seemed to circle his head in a crown like appearance that didn’t seem to have an ending. Where the thorns had pierced His skull a prism of color shot out. From His wrists, back, and side where blood had spilt, symbols swirled. Signs no mortal could speak or even look upon. The earth seemed to shimmer beneath His barley contained power.

With the call and the voice Michael had waiting a millennia to hear, he stood. The Son who had been in the grip of death now stood in victory. Jesus looked into the eyes of His warrior and said, “Now. We stand down no longer. Today the heavens and earth testify to the eternal and unchanging love and mercy of the Father of creation. Today and forever more, we reign victorious.”

And from that day to this, the new heaven has been coming. The final war will be fought though we don’t know exactly when or how. But one thing we can be assured of. One day

¹⁰ that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, ¹¹ and  every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

Philippians 2:10-11 

Amen

Saturday

And the world was silent.
It waited.
It knew this was not the end.
Something big was coming...

The only way

The whip came down and slice through His flesh. With every strike, Michael’s hand tightened on his sword. His eyes burning like coals and fury pulsed like a living creature. Another creature of light stepped up to the commander of the heavenly army.

“How long must we let this continue?”

He didn’t answer. He couldn’t answer. Snap. The sounds of flesh ripping echoed. “Almighty One,” he called. The Son’s face rested on the pillar to which he was tied. He lifted his eyes. He shook his head and spoke into the spirit. “No. Stand down.”

With more strength than had been call upon in the last thousand years, Michael nodded. He looked to his second Gabriel, whose face mixed with horror and fury barely contained.

“The Son has not called. We stick to our mission. We wait. We watch. We do not let the evil one take one step the Almighty has not decreed.” The Army of Light watch as His blood ran down His back in rivers. The earth swallowed the crimson gift as soon as it hit the dusty ground. Even the earth knows how precious the blood of He who stands upon it is.

Surrounding the area is a spiritual veil that no mortal can see through. The humans see hard hearted men with whips, violence, and hate. Then there is the truth.

Festering, putrid dark creatures that war against the very fabric of existence. Blackness draped over the land. Some of them slither along the ground leaving behind a retched stench. Others stand and flash their claws and fangs. They surround the people and drip poison into their minds. They whisper lies. Tails with black scales and eyes carrying the darkness of hell. The Army of Light form the half circle around this cursed and desolate land. This land will never see life again.

Hands at the ready, power pulsing. They push the power into the crowd to threaten the darkness that tries to get close. The angels have only allowed the few that the Master has allowed. There is a plan that is unfolding in front of us all.

The roman soldiers gathered around Jesus. They striped Him and drape a scarlet robe on Him, and then twisted together a crown of thorns and pushed it into his scalp. New blood drips down into His eyes. His face is a mixture of ripped skin, bruised, and swollen flesh. They put a staff into His right hand and mocked Him “Hail, King of the Jews,” they said. They spit on him, and took the staff and struck him again and again.  “If they knew that this is what He has chosen for them, they would throw themselves into the darkest sea in repentance,” the deep voice of Gabriel rang out.

 Finally they led him away to be crucified. The cross on which He would be murdered was thrown upon His shoulders.  His knees gave away, but the cross stayed on His shoulders. As Jesus struggled to stand, a ray of light stepped forth. To the crowd it seemed to be a soldier who lifted the cross off of the Christ. Had they looked closer they would have seen with what unnatural strength the cross was lifted and passed to another who shouldered the cross and began to walk. A clawed hand shot out to grab at the now cross bearer, but a sword of light cut through the shadow. Michael stepped forth daring another to interfere.

Jesus drained of strength, stumbled up the hill. On either side of the Son, marched the Army of Light. Skin gleaming unlike any armor ever crafted. Weapons no mortal eyes could even fathom or look upon.

The cross was laid onto the earth. Jesus the Christ began to crawl toward it. “After all this, and He still loves them this much.” “We do not understand. We don’t see them as He does. We were created to praise the Almighty. They will choose to love him or not. In their vulnerability, He sees glory. In their weakness, He has prophesized strength,” Michael softly said.

Nails are driven through His flesh. With each strike, a shock wave shook the earth. The Angels of Light did not move. The creatures roared. Then the cross was lifted.  Jesus, with lips almost crusted shut with dried almost black blood, spoke the words, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

“And still He begs for mercy for them from the Father.”

“This is why He came. To carry the sins of this world. Our eternal one is Holy. He demands a sacrifice for turning their face from Him. The Son is the pure and spotless Lamb who generations have been awaiting. He will pay the price.”

The wind began to pick up and the earth shook. The Army began to close the lines when they saw the giant reptile like creature coming. They knew he had been present. They felt his malice and hatred. Now, he came. Swiping at everything in his path, he stalked to the cross. The darkness that dissolve any light in his path followed.

“Michael, do we engage? We must stop him before he reaches the Son!” the angel screamed.

“Do you think that the Son could not destroy this abomination with one swipe of His hand?” Michael roared. “This He has chosen. For them and those that will come after.”

The darkness approached the cross. The One who knew no sin felt darkness engulf Him. The earth cried out, shook, broke, and the sky crashed. The whole earth seemed to tear into pieces. Even the Army from heaven could not summon the light.

Out of the inky black, the whole world heard “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” The very fabric of eternity was torn. And Jesus took His last breath.

In that moment, silence fell. Suddenly, a cry that only a mother’s heart could give pierced the darkness. Mary, the chosen one collapsed into the arms of one of His followers. The pure anguish in her soul even broke the strongest of warriors.

“It is over,” the dark creature claimed and then slid back into the earth.

Michael’s eyes burned as he lifted his sword and pointed it to the scorched earth ahead. “No, it’s not. Not even close.”

crucify

One word.

Crucify

the war cry was sounded and the players arrived

enough power on that hill to flatten this whole galaxy

battle lines being draw

hatred. loyalty. service. praise. death. life. and most of all

love

The trial

"Sir, there are leaders of the Jewish people here to see you," the soldier said. I dropped my head into my hand as the headache was already starting. "What do they want?" I sighed. "They say they have a guilty man that they require your judgement to punish." "Exactly what I need right now," I exclaimed as I stood from my seat. "Send them in." "Sir, the leaders say they cannot enter the palace. Their God would consider them unclean." "There God again. Must this crazy God of theirs bring more trouble to me every day?" 

I stormed outside to see the crowd gathering. Immediately, my eyes went to the man they have accused. Nothing particularly distinguishing about him. His face was stoic, staring right ahead. Certainly not like the shifty, terrified criminal I see daily. But there was something that seemed to draw me. To pull at something I have buried too deep. Nonsense! I have been dealing with these Jews and their ridiculous beliefs too long.

"What charges do you bring against this man?" my voice echoed. “If he were not a criminal, we would not have brought him to you,” an older man with a harsh tone replied. How long must I deal with these people I thought to myself. Their illogical customs and traditions. Already I am on watch for the uprising not long ago when they claim I disrespected one law or another. Who can keep track of all their laws?

"Take him yourselves and punish him according to your own law," I stated as I turned away. I have more to do today than listen to the incoherent ramblings of men with a weak spine and less sense than most slaves.

“But we have no right to execute anyone," the same man said. I turned back around to examine this man who dared address me in such a tone. As I stared into his eyes, a pain shot through my eyes and into my head. I shook my head to try and clear the pain. The headache must be affecting my vision as I began to see shadows coming even in the darkness.  I felt a chill up my back thought it had been sweltering a minute ago.  I escaped back into the palace away from this man and his shadows and called the man who they called Jesus in to me. Although I am certainly no Jew, I have heard rumblings of this man. They claim he can perform miracles. Raise men from the dead and other fairytales. Foolish Jews! The only place a man goes after death is returning into the ground.

"Are you king of the Jews?" I questioned him. He raised his head and looked at me. My breath caught. I almost felt as though I were in a presence of someone or something that carried great importance. No shadows gathered around this man, and I hoped that meant my headache was subsiding. "Is that your own idea or did others talk to you about me?" this Jesus replied.

"Am I a Jew? It was your people who handed you over to me. What is it you have done?" I shouted. 

"My Kingdom is not of this world. If it were my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jews. But now my kingdom is from another place." He spoke with conviction. He spoke with authority. But he spoke nonsense I told myself.

"You are a king then?"

"You are right in saying I am a King. In fact for this reason I was born, and for this I came into the world to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me."

"What is truth?" Truth! The truth will be whatever I decide it to be. I am the truth. I will decide what side the truth falls on. Although part of me ranted and raved, another part quieted. I despised that part. That is the part that sometimes ponders these celebrations and devotions to this God. That weak part of me that sometimes wanders around the grounds looking for more meaning than a title. I pushed that part of me back and went out to the people.

“I find no basis for a charge against him. But it is your custom for me to release to you one of the prisoners at the time of Passover. Do you want me to release the king of the Jews?"

"No, not him. Give us Barabbas."

Again, that familiar pain radiated through me. This time not only did it strike me in the head, but seared down my back. It felt like my insides were melting within me. I scrambled away from the crowd. I had to get away from them. My soldiers followed me. “What are we to do with him?” With a strangled breath, I ordered them to flog him. “Perhaps that will quench their thirst for this man’s blood.” As I sat sorting through this disaster, a messenger quickly came in. “What now?” I growled. “Do the Jews have another innocent man that would like me to skin alive for them so they can celebrate their festival of the week?” “No, Sir. A message from your wife. Her words sir.” I paused. Never had she interfered in my affairs during the day. “She stated that you are to not have anything to do with that innocent man for she has suffered a great deal today in a dream because of him.”

A dream? How did she know that this Jesus was even here? My wife has had dreams before. She has spent more money than I care to remember on looking for answers to the questions her dreams bring her. I admit at times these dreams have proven to be accurate. A few times I have even benefited from the timely advice.

“Sir, We have done as you have ordered.” “As I have ordered?” I darkly chuckled. “You mean what these senseless Jews have ordered. I have had enough of this charade.”

When I came out to the crowd I saw him. Jesus was wearing the crown of thorns and a purple robe. This is wrong. This is out of control. I have to stop it.

"Crucify! Crucify!" the crowd began to chant. "You take him and crucify him for I find no offense in him," I screamed back into the crowd.

"We have a law and according to that law he must die for he says he is the son of God,” that same blasted man said.

I slowly walked over to this Jesus. I could feel it. The power, the radiance coming from him. Almost like a peace. A peace in all my life, through all of my victories,  I had never found.  "Where do you come from?" I cried.  No answer  "Do you refuse to speak to me? Don't you realize I have the power to free you or crucify you?” My breath felt like fire, the pain was creeping back. I took a step closer to Him trying to ward off the pain and the darkness.

“You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above. Therefore the one who had handed me over to you is guilty of a greater sin.”

I heard a hissing, a whispering, a rasp in my right ear. “You will sentence him to death or your blood and the blood of all you care about will run like a river through the city. You will never find any rest and you will be tormented the rest of your days.” Like a streak of lightening, my whole body lit up in pain. That’s it. I am finished with this.

I turned to the crowd

“Here is your king! 

 Crucify him.”

For a moment, a roar echoed and all was dark. A screech. A sound straight from the pit of the earth. Flashes of claws of teeth. Nightmares taking form. My hands shook as I slammed them into the basin of water. The water turned blood red. It swirled around my hands and then turned black. I gasped and looked up, but no one else had seen.  

More to myself than to the crowd I shouted, "I am innocent of the blood of this righteous man." But I knew it was too late. The end had begun. We would all pay.

Then someone from the crowd shouted, "His blood be on us, and on our children."

Indeed.