Saturday, February 26, 2011

An added bonus

One of the things that my husband picked up when we went to the Weekend to Remember conference is the idea that we need a budget. Apparently, when the men got together for their session they filled his head with all kinds of crazy ideas. For example, ordering coffee online is not a staple. Or saving money can be like a game. Yeah like scrabble....I hate that game.

So we come home and Scott bought a computer program and apparently we are now on a budget. March is apparently the "tracking" month. We were suppose to make predictions and then try and meet them...and blah blah blah. I was checking my facebook when he was explaining.

Since I mainly do all of the banking, Scott was a little surprised when evil little computer program spit out that we spend an obscene amount on "convenience" foods. To be honest I have been convicted in this area for awhile. I actually enjoy cooking but I never seem to have the time. But cooking my own meals would SAVE us money. See it is like a game! sigh......

I decided that this would be my own "tracking" month. I am going to start planning meals and I found a lot of great slow cooker recipes online which will help on days where Scott and I are both working.

If you have any budget tips or recipes, feel free to share. You know, like a game.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

We got gaps

Some may say (such as myself), that there is a direct correlation between the condition of my kitchen and the condition of my life. For example, it would not take a PH.D. to walk into my kitchen at the moment and see that I have been sick for the better part of two weeks. I guess it also shows that I must be turning a corner in my sickness as the kitchen is now torn apart and ready to be hands and knees scrubbed. A giant garbage bag is at the ready to take all of the clutter that is at the moment covering my blue counters. I am back.

This is a comical thing in my marriage. I can be laying in bed and Scott will say to me "what is wrong." I say "The kitchen is a mess." He laughs. Me, not so much. To me if the kitchen is a mess I feel uneasy. I feel the same way if I know I have to write out the bills. It always is lingering in the back of my mind. My husbands mind does not work this way. I can guarantee you that the state of the kitchen is the last thing on his mind!

Women must learn to multi task for survival. We are wives, moms, teachers, doctors, cooks, and the rest. Our minds racing to the next thing we need to do.

My husband is not like that. This does not make one better than the other. Just different. He gives all of his attention on the matter at hand.

I laugh when I think back on a conversation we had after going to a past marriage conference in which the man speaker said "Ladies when we say we are thinking about "nothin'" we really are thinking about nothin'" So I said to Scott " Can you think of nothing?" "All the time." I said "Do you mean nothing important?" "No, I mean nothing at all." "Like a blank slate?" "Yep." I sat in wonder.

It is probably a good thing God gave us differences. Cause someone has to care about the kitchen floor, but we certainly don't need two people up pondering when the electric bill is due. Plus I learn from him how to relax. Think of other things. And he learns from me to help carry my load so I can be more open to thinking about other things. Marriage isn't about changing one person to the liking of another but rather completing each other.

As the great thinker Rocky said when his friend Paulie asked "what's the attraction?"
Rocky- "I dunno...she fills gaps."
Paulie- "What gaps?"
Rocky- " i dunno...she's got gaps, I got gaps. together we fill the gaps."

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

selfishness

I am just getting over the worst flu of my life. You know it is bad when I go to the hospital. AND I missed work.

But I will get to that. Scott and I, thanks to family, got to attend our 3rd Weekend to Remember Marriage conference. I can not express how amazing these retreats are. I learned so much. One of the most impacting things I learned is how selfish I am.

This might not seem like such an awesome revelation to some, but to me it made sense. We are all born selfish. We will all die selfish. No one wants to give up their own time, money, or biggest piece of the pie. Naturally we want it all for ourselves. All of us. That doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you human. Getting married doesn't change that. It just puts us in closer proximity to someone who is constantly reminding us that they want pie too.

What causes us to give up what we want? Loving another. Not that first you are so prefect and I could stare in your eyes forever love. But the kind of love my husband has continued to show me over this past 24 hours.

I came home from work yesterday SICK. To make a long story short, I had the flu. And didn't make it to the toilet. He cleaned up my puke because I couldn't even stand. At 10:00 pm he took me to the ER to get fluids, and meds to stop me from puking up stomach bile, and then slept on a chair as the fluids so slowly dripped because I was too dehydrated to find a proper vein. And when I complained how cold my arm was because I had to hold it out of the blankets he covered my arm with his and stayed in that awkward position for another hour. When we finally got home (and got my amazing brother off the couch as he had stayed with the kids) I went right up to bed. I heard Scott down fixing the fire. He let me sleep in and has been taking care of the kids all day. He called off of work so I can sleep. He took Rachel to dance and took the baby too so I could rest and is picking up dinner at McD's.

Did he want to do any of this? I told him thanks for being so good to me. All he ever says is that it is his job to take care of me. He just felt bad that I was feeling so bad.

That is love. Not chocolates, or flowers, or diamonds. Not Happy Valentines day cards that Hallmark has written about our beautiful love. Love is putting another's needs ahead of your own when you don't feel like it. When you really don't wanna. Love is pushing back your own selfish I want and I deserves and placing that gift of God (your spouse) in front.

I have so much to learn.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

comfort

Last night as I lay in bed with Rachel, I watched her twirl her hair around her finger. She was having trouble falling asleep and I was trying to get her to join dreamland. I knew we were close as soon as I saw the twirl. Even as a baby, Rachel would twirl her hair with her finger when she was sleepy. I remembered her chubby little hand clutching her bottle and twirling, twirling with the other.

When Will was a baby he always wanted your finger in his ear when he was sleepy. Weird I know. Luke hated to be held. He would flip and flop until you put him down and tucked a blanket around him. He stills sleeps with his spiderman blanket wrapped around his head.

My Bella loves her musically toy. But it must be on the right setting. One night when her daddy went to get her in the middle of the night, she would not clam down. I went in and saw that the ocean seen was on her music box. I quickly flipped it to the star scene and she laid down at once to relax.

Comfort. When I need comfort, the best thing someone can do for me is to let me know they are thinking, praying, "there" for me, and then let me alone to wrap myself in my soft blanket and a book. Having been through what I consider some trying times, I know this about myself. Please, I know you mean well. But maybe your well wishes, advice, two cents just isn't what I need right now. I need to know I am thought of and loved. The fact that your Aunt Matilda has gone through this same thing, or it is for the best, or you will feel better in the morning, just might not do it.

And knowing what I know about comfort, I find myself doing the same to others. I love you. I am thinking about you. Sometimes constantly. But I offer no words of advice or wisdom. Because I simply have none. I don't know why horrible things happen to some of the most compassionate, wonderful people. I can't, nor do I want to find the reason. I don't like to wrap my head around that. The best I can offer is life can really suck. But hopfully you know even if it is silently, I stand beside you.