Monday, May 18, 2020

My nightlight

My Nightlight
1990- 10 years old

          My eyes snap open, and I see nothing. I see darkness, a black inky storm. My heart begins to pound, and my shoulders tense up. My eyes dart around the room seeing monsters of shadow sliding across my bedroom floor. Is that my breathing or is there something else in the room? My eyes hunt around, desperate for focus. I look up to the ceiling. There is my savior. All I have to do is reach up and click the little switch over. Deep breath. I stand up quickly, flick the switch, and fall back into bed with my eyes tightly closed.

Slowly, I open one eye and then the other. With the warm glow that now fills my bedroom, the tightness in my chest released. Gone are the shadow creatures as my dresser returns. Rows of sweaters hang from my closet and are no longer grasping for my soul. Deep breath in and out.

My dad and I did this dance every night.  I refused to even go into my bedroom without my nightlight on. Tiny little plastic covered savior. He did not think the light was necessary. He swore that you would not sleep right if there was light in the room. “Your brain needs to know that it is night, and it is time to sleep.” Maybe his brain needed to know that, but my childhood brain wanted no part of this relaxing darkness he spoke of. My brain needed the light.

            Every night I would go to bed with the light on, and at some point he would come up stairs and quietly click it off. Not long after I would wake up and turn it on. Fall asleep and repeat the process until the sun comes up. Click- click. Click-click. I got my stubborn streak from my dad. He and I would both hold out until the end of time if we thought we were right about something.

            I thought of that little nightlight as I was reading a scripture in the Bible that stuck out to me. “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome (understood) it.”  John 1:5  Another translation says the darkness “could not put it out.”  The light in this case being Jesus, the Savior.

  I feel like as long as the light- Jesus- is on- walking with me- I see things differently. No longer am I scared of the shadows of things that are not really there. No longer can I be tormented by what ifs and things unseen. With the light on, I can see the truth. The truth is, I have nothing to be afraid of in the dark. Greater is He who is in me that he who is in the world.

            As long as my light is on, I see things for how they really are. I have been a public school teacher for over 10 years. One of the main things that I have learned is to not always look into the darkness without your light on. Some children carry a lot of darkness on their little shoulders. Pain, fear, abuse, sickness, confusion, and more. Without the light, I can perceive these situations in very different ways. I can be upset and be drug into the darkness myself, or I can turn on the light and see what is real. The light beats back the darkness so we can see the truth.

            He isn’t really mad at me or his math. He is mad at his situation that has caused a never ending cycle of fear and abandonment. She isn’t sobbing because she doesn’t want to get in line. She cries because she feels something was taken from her that she has no power to bring back. When I see what is really happening, I can respond with compassion, guidance, and hope.

            I also live in an area where drug use is rampant. Here the verse of the enemy wanting to “kill, steal, and destroy” is not metaphorical. I understand the pain and the devastation this causes. Again, if I turn on the light, I see things a little differently. I see people self-medicating for anxiety and depression. I see people trying to numb the pain of their past and the vision of their desolate future. I see people who have been overrun with a chemical dependency that is causing them to destroy and ostracize the very people who reach out to them. People making devastatingly hurtful decisions for both themselves and those that love them in order to escape the pain.

            Such a fine line to walk. I love you, but I will not let you continue on this way. I see the darkness you are immersed in, but I will not sit there with you. I will turn on the light. I will speak the truth. I will love you as the Father loves you, stand with you, but not crawl through the dirt with you. I love you too much to not turn on the light.

            Sometimes we do have to let go. But the light helps. It helps us to see what is real and what is not. It helps to talk it out with our Savior to know when I should step in and when I need to step back or out.

            I need the Light. I need to be able to see what is real and what is not. I need the light to release my fear and soften my heart. “4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death (the darkest valley), I will fear no evil: for you are with me.” Psalm 23:4 I do not have to fear the terror of night (Psalm 91:5) because the Light is with me.  When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” (John 8:12) Never will I fear the darkness.

John 12:35-37 NIV

35 Then Jesus told them, “You are going to have the light just a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you. Whoever walks in the dark does not know where they are going. 36 Believe in the light while you have the light, so that you may become children of light.” 

When Jesus Shows up He changes everything

Tuesday, May 12, 2020

What if?

What if? John 3:1-21

“Psst….” At first I thought it was my imagination. It took me hours to fall asleep with the conversations we have been having in council, and I am  pretty sure it isn’t  the wind waking me. “Nicodemus!” Now my illusion knew my name. I got up, wrapped a shawl around myself and started to the side of the building. I had recognized his voice, and I had a feeling I knew why he was here. If truth be told I almost had headed to his place hours ago. “Nicodemus, I have only been out here in a panic all night. So glad you could finally join me.” “Oh Joseph of Arimathea, your younger sharper tongue will catch you someday.” “With everything going on in this upside world, we might all never make it to “someday.”

I stoked my beard and thought over our meeting tonight. Joseph and I were upstanding members of the Sanhedrin. I left the meeting tonight with ringing in my ears and a headache behind my eyes. Now, I stand in the middle of the night in a dark alley where those who know the evil are  awaiting us here. “Nicodemus, you have to agree with me. No man could do what He is doing without God on His side!” “You think I have not considered such possibilities? We both have discussed this over and over until all we end up is dizzy and up all night.” “You know their plans. You know that are planning to kill him!” Joseph raised his voice. “Enough! Would you like them to call another meeting about us before this word  gets out.” “But Nicodemus, getting him out is not the problem.” Then in a whisper, Nicodemus answered, “What if He is who He says He is?” Joseph replied in an equally hush tone, “or what if He is wrong? Where does that leave us. Where any of this leave us?” “I don’t know,” I answered. It had been a very long time since I had come to that conclusion. After all I am not just a respected member of the Phrases, I am also in the Sanhedrin. My entire life has been dedicated to the service of God. I know ever scripture, doctrine, promise, history lesson. Here is this vagabond, challenging everything I have worked for.

“I will go to speak with him,” I sighed out loud. “What?, Joseph replied. “That is crazy. You will lose it all. Your seat. Your authority. They will throw you right in with the crazy and hysterical.” “I will meet him after the sun has set. You arrange a place. Let his people know that I will be showing up late- I have work that needs done.” “If this is what you want. I will deal with it immediately.” Joseph started walking down the street but then turned aground. I couldn’t see his face because of the shadows, but the low voice I heard, “Shalom.”

Sleep never came again that night. I heard of the miracles this man was performing.  The lives that seemed to be changing. But I had also seen the man throw money changers across the temple. I would be lair if I didn’t I had often thought of the same thing. It is criminal taking advantage of people who simply wanted to bring their offering to their God. He didn’t come with a threat or a sword. Which again, had me wondering about his mental health with the things pharisees were whispering. But He threatened the temple. He said that He could have it destroyed and built again in 3 days.  I needed answers and I needed them quickly.

The night before I walked out my door, I tried to pray. Brought up with the scriptures and the laws, and in that moment, the only thing that came to mind was “What if?”I pulled my hood over my face and began to walk the other way in case I was being watched. When I was sure no one was following, I walked quickly to the address given. I walked up the rock stairs that had been here for how many centuries. Would we just throw these solid dependable stairs away just because someone said they had had new stairs. Of course not! We keep the stairs that have served us for generations. But before my incessant rattling could continue, there was Jesus. I had seen him at a distance. I heard his voice from afar, but never could I have imagined this.  A power like pulse seemed to come from him. Even though he sat in a shadowed chair on the rooftop, his outline almost glowed. Not really a glow though but I had no Earthly words to describe it. I was suddenly hit with the idea of a melody maybe a more suitable description.

He motioned for me to sit. Then it suddenly occurred to me that I didn’t know what to address him as. He certainly had earned quite the spectrum of nicknames. The one thing I knew about him was that he is a teacher, so the rabbi seemed safe. My mouth was parched, and here the “Teacher of Israel'' sat tongue tied. Enough of this foolishness.  “Rabbi, we know that God has sent you to teach us. Your miraculous signs are evidence that God is with you.” Jesus replied, ”I tell you the Truth, unless you are born again, you can not see the Kingdom of God.”

I arrived looking for solid answers, and he created more riddles  and more questions. “What do you mean?” I exclaimed. “How can an old man go back into this mother’s womb and be born again.? Jesus brought his hands on the table, palms up, like he was offering me something I could not see. He replied, “I assure you, no one can enter the kingdom of God Without being born of water and spirit. Humans can only reproduce human life but the Holy Spirit gives birth to a spiritual life. So don’t be surprised when I say YOU must be born again. The wind blows wherever it wants. Just as you can hear the wind but cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going, so you can’t explain how people are born of the Spirit.

I sat silent for so long I couldn’t even guess how much time had elapsed. But He looked at me. Looked deep into me. And I remembered. A scripture from the book of Ezekiel. Chapter 36:25-27 25 I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols.  I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.  And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.

“How are these things possible:” I asked. I had spent my entire life serving the Law, handing out verdicts for the law. I have given everything away,  and now this Jesus…..“You are Israel’s teacher,” interrupting me of my thoughts Jesus said, “and do you not understand these things?  Very truly I tell you, we speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen, but still you people do not accept our testimony.  I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things?

I felt a heat raising in my body. My hands twitched in my lap. I wanted to run. To run and run until I collapsed at exhaustion. So I would not have to think of these things. Yahweh help me, what he said was the Truth. I can’t explain how I knew. It was like He was speaking too deep inside of me.  Jeus continued, “No one has ever gone into heaven except the one who came from heaven—the Son of Man. Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes may have eternal life in him.”
Oh course I knew of my people’s story. In the book of Numbers 21:4-9 it is written after leaving the slavery of Egypt,  the people became impatient on the way to the promised land. The people spoke against God and against Moses, "Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? For there is no food and no water, and we detest this miserable food." Then the LORD sent poisonous serpents among the people, and they bit the people, so that many Israelites died. The people came to Moses and said, "We have sinned by speaking against the LORD and against you; pray to the LORD to take away the serpents from us." So Moses prayed for the people. And the LORD said to Moses, "Make a poisonous serpent, and set it on a pole; and everyone who is bitten shall look at it and live." So Moses made a serpent of bronze, and put it upon a pole; and whenever a serpent bit someone, that person would look at the serpent of bronze and live. What does snakes got to do with it? What does He mean he will be lifted up?  Lifted up from Sanhedrin? From the people of the temple? Or What if..

 Jesus stood, in a voice I would never hear again, He started to speak. But again, language is such a funny thing, It sounded like love would sound like. I wished for years I could sound that way. All of the nighttime business stilled. No bugs or animals. No people yelling blocks away.  “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that who or where believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.  Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.  This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.  Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.  But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.”

I rose, with tears in my eyes. I couldn’t speak until I traveled all the way to my home where Joseph of Amarmathia. The minute I opened the door the question began to flow. “How did I not get caught? What did he tell you? WHat did you see” I sat down at my table and placed my hands open reaching to the sky. I bowed my head and tears ran through my beard. Concerned and alarmed, Joseph shook my arm. “What has happened?”  “Joseph, I saw God tonight. It is Him, the Messiah.” “What if you are wrong, Rabbi?” “What if I am right?” “And we both swore our allegiance to a group that is actively trying to kill him., Joseph whisphered. “Tomorrow we will speak. I have so much to share with you but I want to get it right, and I am too tired to go through it all.” “I understand,” Joseph said. I will be here when you wake up. As I stoof up and turned to bed to bed I heard Joseph speak once more. “What if?” “What if indeed.”

WHen Jesus shows up everything changes.

Sunday, April 12, 2020


A heavenly host camped outside of the tomb.  As well as an encampment of shadows and a handful of soldiers who could see neither.

The darkness crawled over the rocks. Slashing and screaming. Their celebrating continuing from the path of the cross.  If you claim celebration as throbbing hatred, screaming death, and hissing in a language that would cause human ears to bleed. Their eyes burning and feet scorching the earth and leaving a trail of death in their wake. The darkness continued to taunt and accuse the light. “Why are they still here?” one creature hissed and slithered down a stone. “They have lost. Their hero is rotting!” a dark mist breathed out.

The Army stayed silent. Hands on swords, armor shining, light pulsing. Waiting.

A path which looked like heat shimmering in the desert began to ripple across the land. The earth began to shake and rocks burst into pieces. A blinding light shot down from the heavens and struck the tomb. Strikes of lightening coated the rocks and streaks of flame torched the ground. Where the darkness had been only ash remained. The black soot scattered in the fury of the wind. The sky lit in a chorus of colors. The veil between heaven and earth was open. The Holy mist descended from on high. The wind became like a howling train and a roar shook the sky.

Then a gasp, a breath, a pause. Power. Thump, thump. A heartbeat. The granite shook. The rock slid. The breath of life. Of victory.

Out from the rock that could contain Him as much as a breeze can stop the hurricane, stepped the Son.  The Army of Light slide to one knee. Heads bowed and swords out. The sky was filled with creatures of light singing and calling. “Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty.” Wings of the purest gold and voices that seem to melt into the sky.   

His face was the brightest star. His robe was the brightest of white with streaks of lightening flashing with His steps. Crystals like diamonds seemed to circle his head in a crown like appearance that didn’t seem to have an ending. Where the thorns had pierced His skull a prism of color shot out. From His wrists, back, and side where blood had spilt, symbols swirled. Signs no mortal could speak or even look upon. The earth seemed to shimmer beneath His barley contained power.

With the call and the voice Michael had waiting a millennia to hear, he stood. The Son who had been in the grip of death now stood in victory. Jesus looked into the eyes of His warrior and said, “Now. We stand down no longer. Today the heavens and earth testify to the eternal and unchanging love and mercy of the Father of creation. Today and forever more, we reign victorious.”
And from that day to this, the new heaven has been coming. The final war will be fought though we don’t know exactly when or how. But one thing we can be assured of. One day
10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, 11 and  every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”
Philippians 2:10-11 

Saturday, April 11, 2020


And the world was silent.
It waited.
It knew this was not the end.
Something big was coming...

Friday, April 10, 2020

The only way

The only way

The whip came down and slice through His flesh. With every strike, Michael’s hand tightened on his sword. His eyes burning like coals and fury pulsed like a living creature. Another creature of light stepped up to the commander of the heavenly army.

“How long must we let this continue?”

He didn’t answer. He couldn’t answer. Snap. The sounds of flesh ripping echoed. “Almighty One,” he called. The Son’s face rested on the pillar to which he was tied. He lifted his eyes. He shook his head and spoke into the spirit. “No. Stand down.”

With more strength than had been call upon in the last thousand years, Michael nodded. He looked to his second Gabriel, whose face mixed with horror and fury barely contained.

“The Son has not called. We stick to our mission. We wait. We watch. We do not let the evil one take one step the Almighty has not decreed.” The Army of Light watch as His blood ran down His back in rivers. The earth swallowed the crimson gift as soon as it hit the dusty ground. Even the earth knows how precious the blood of He who stands upon it is.
Surrounding the area is a spiritual veil that no mortal can see through. The humans see hard hearted men with whips, violence, and hate. Then there is the truth.

Festering, putrid dark creatures that war against the very fabric of existence. Blackness draped over the land. Some of them slither along the ground leaving behind a retched stench. Others stand and flash their claws and fangs. They surround the people and drip poison into their minds. They whisper lies. Tails with black scales and eyes carrying the darkness of hell. The Army of Light form the half circle around this cursed and desolate land. This land will never see life again.

Hands at the ready, power pulsing. They push the power into the crowd to threaten the darkness that tries to get close. The angels have only allowed the few that the Master has allowed. There is a plan that is unfolding in front of us all.

The roman soldiers gathered around Jesus. They striped Him and drape a scarlet robe on Him, and then twisted together a crown of thorns and pushed it into his scalp. New blood drips down into His eyes. His face is a mixture of ripped skin, bruised, and swollen flesh. They put a staff into His right hand and mocked Him “Hail, King of the Jews,” they said. They spit on him, and took the staff and struck him again and again.  “If they knew that this is what He has chosen for them, they would throw themselves into the darkest sea in repentance,” the deep voice of Gabriel rang out.

 Finally they led him away to be crucified. The cross on which He would be murdered was thrown upon His shoulders.  His knees gave away, but the cross stayed on His shoulders. As Jesus struggled to stand, a ray of light stepped forth. To the crowd it seemed to be a soldier who lifted the cross off of the Christ. Had they looked closer they would have seen with what unnatural strength the cross was lifted and passed to another who shouldered the cross and began to walk. A clawed hand shot out to grab at the now cross bearer, but a sword of light cut through the shadow. Michael stepped forth daring another to interfere.

Jesus drained of strength, stumbled up the hill. On either side of the Son, marched the Army of Light. Skin gleaming unlike any armor ever crafted. Weapons no mortal eyes could even fathom or look upon.

The cross was laid onto the earth. Jesus the Christ began to crawl toward it. “After all this, and He still loves them this much.” “We do not understand. We don’t see them as He does. We were created to praise the Almighty. They will choose to love him or not. In their vulnerability, He sees glory. In their weakness, He has prophesized strength,” Michael softly said.

Nails are driven through His flesh. With each strike, a shock wave shook the earth. The Angels of Light did not move. The creatures roared. Then the cross was lifted.  Jesus, with lips almost crusted shut with dried almost black blood, spoke the words, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
“And still He begs for mercy for them from the Father.”
“This is why He came. To carry the sins of this world. Our eternal one is Holy. He demands a sacrifice for turning their face from Him. The Son is the pure and spotless Lamb who generations have been awaiting. He will pay the price.”
The wind began to pick up and the earth shook. The Army began to close the lines when they saw the giant reptile like creature coming. They knew he had been present. They felt his malice and hatred. Now, he came. Swiping at everything in his path, he stalked to the cross. The darkness that dissolve any light in his path followed.
“Michael, do we engage? We must stop him before he reaches the Son!” the angel screamed.
“Do you think that the Son could not destroy this abomination with one swipe of His hand?” Michael roared. “This He has chosen. For them and those that will come after.”
The darkness approached the cross. The One who knew no sin felt darkness engulf Him. The earth cried out, shook, broke, and the sky crashed. The whole earth seemed to tear into pieces. Even the Army from heaven could not summon the light.
Out of the inky black, the whole world heard “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” The very fabric of eternity was torn. And Jesus took His last breath.
In that moment, silence fell. Suddenly, a cry that only a mother’s heart could give pierced the darkness. Mary, the chosen one collapsed into the arms of one of His followers. The pure anguish in her soul even broke the strongest of warriors.

“It is over,” the dark creature claimed and then slid back into the earth.

Michael’s eyes burned as he lifted his sword and pointed it to the scorched earth ahead. “No, it’s not. Not even close.”

Thursday, April 9, 2020


One word.
the war cry was sounded and the players arrived
enough power on that hill to flatten this whole galaxy
battle lines being draw
hatred. loyalty. service. praise. death. life. and most of all

Wednesday, April 8, 2020

The Trial-Pontius Pilate

"Sir, there are leaders of the Jewish people here to see you," the soldier said. I dropped my head into my hand as the headache was already starting. "What do they want?" I sighed. "They say they have a guilty man that they require your judgement to punish." "Exactly what I need right now," I exclaimed as I stood from my seat. "Send them in." "Sir, the leaders say they cannot enter the palace. Their God would consider them unclean." "There God again. Must this crazy God of theirs bring more trouble to me every day?" 

I stormed outside to see the crowd gathering. Immediately, my eyes went to the man they have accused. Nothing particularly distinguishing about him. His face was stoic, staring right ahead. Certainly not like the shifty, terrified criminal I see daily. But there was something that seemed to draw me. To pull at something I have buried too deep. Nonsense! I have been dealing with these Jews and their ridiculous beliefs too long.

"What charges do you bring against this man?" my voice echoed. “If he were not a criminal, we would not have brought him to you,” an older man with a harsh tone replied. How long must I deal with these people I thought to myself. Their illogical customs and traditions. Already I am on watch for the uprising not long ago when they claim I disrespected one law or another. Who can keep track of all their laws?

"Take him yourselves and punish him according to your own law," I stated as I turned away. I have more to do today than listen to the incoherent ramblings of men with a weak spine and less sense than most slaves.

“But we have no right to execute anyone," the same man said. I turned back around to examine this man who dared address me in such a tone. As I stared into his eyes, a pain shot through my eyes and into my head. I shook my head to try and clear the pain. The headache must be affecting my vision as I began to see shadows coming even in the darkness.  I felt a chill up my back thought it had been sweltering a minute ago.  I escaped back into the palace away from this man and his shadows and called the man who they called Jesus in to me. Although I am certainly no Jew, I have heard rumblings of this man. They claim he can perform miracles. Raise men from the dead and other fairytales. Foolish Jews! The only place a man goes after death is returning into the ground.

"Are you king of the Jews?" I questioned him. He raised his head and looked at me. My breath caught. I almost felt as though I were in a presence of someone or something that carried great importance. No shadows gathered around this man, and I hoped that meant my headache was subsiding. "Is that your own idea or did others talk to you about me?" this Jesus replied.

"Am I a Jew? It was your people who handed you over to me. What is it you have done?" I shouted. 

"My Kingdom is not of this world. If it were my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jews. But now my kingdom is from another place." He spoke with conviction. He spoke with authority. But he spoke nonsense I told myself.

"You are a king then?"

"You are right in saying I am a King. In fact for this reason I was born, and for this I came into the world to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me."

"What is truth?" Truth! The truth will be whatever I decide it to be. I am the truth. I will decide what side the truth falls on. Although part of me ranted and raved, another part quieted. I despised that part. That is the part that sometimes ponders these celebrations and devotions to this God. That weak part of me that sometimes wanders around the grounds looking for more meaning than a title. I pushed that part of me back and went out to the people.

“I find no basis for a charge against him. But it is your custom for me to release to you one of the prisoners at the time of Passover. Do you want me to release the king of the Jews?"
"No, not him. Give us Barabbas."

Again, that familiar pain radiated through me. This time not only did it strike me in the head, but seared down my back. It felt like my insides were melting within me. I scrambled away from the crowd. I had to get away from them. My soldiers followed me. “What are we to do with him?” With a strangled breath, I ordered them to flog him. “Perhaps that will quench their thirst for this man’s blood.” As I sat sorting through this disaster, a messenger quickly came in. “What now?” I growled. “Do the Jews have another innocent man that would like me to skin alive for them so they can celebrate their festival of the week?” “No, Sir. A message from your wife. Her words sir.” I paused. Never had she interfered in my affairs during the day. “She stated that you are to not have anything to do with that innocent man for she has suffered a great deal today in a dream because of him.”

A dream? How did she know that this Jesus was even here? My wife has had dreams before. She has spent more money than I care to remember on looking for answers to the questions her dreams bring her. I admit at times these dreams have proven to be accurate. A few times I have even benefited from the timely advice.

“Sir, We have done as you have ordered.” “As I have ordered?” I darkly chuckled. “You mean what these senseless Jews have ordered. I have had enough of this charade.”

When I came out to the crowd I saw him. Jesus was wearing the crown of thorns and a purple robe. This is wrong. This is out of control. I have to stop it.

"Crucify! Crucify!" the crowd began to chant. "You take him and crucify him for I find no offense in him," I screamed back into the crowd.

"We have a law and according to that law he must die for he says he is the son of God,” that same blasted man said.

I slowly walked over to this Jesus. I could feel it. The power, the radiance coming from him. Almost like a peace. A peace in all my life, through all of my victories,  I had never found.  "Where do you come from?" I cried.  No answer  "Do you refuse to speak to me? Don't you realize I have the power to free you or crucify you?” My breath felt like fire, the pain was creeping back. I took a step closer to Him trying to ward off the pain and the darkness.

“You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above. Therefore the one who had handed me over to you is guilty of a greater sin.”

I heard a hissing, a whispering, a rasp in my right ear. “You will sentence him to death or your blood and the blood of all you care about will run like a river through the city. You will never find any rest and you will be tormented the rest of your days.” Like a streak of lightening, my whole body lit up in pain. That’s it. I am finished with this.

I turned to the crowd
“Here is your king! 
 Crucify him.”

For a moment, a roar echoed and all was dark. A screech. A sound straight from the pit of the earth. Flashes of claws of teeth. Nightmares taking form. My hands shook as I slammed them into the basin of water. The water turned blood red. It swirled around my hands and then turned black. I gasped and looked up, but no one else had seen.  
More to myself than to the crowd I shouted, "I am innocent of the blood of this righteous man." But I knew it was too late. The end had begun. We would all pay.
Then someone from the crowd shouted, "His blood be on us, and on our children."