Tuesday, June 27, 2017

And here he is

My throat burns and squeezes. Blinking rapidly and swallow quickly. I am in the spiral. The ugly cry spiral. I can try to head off or distract myself, but the truth is that I am not going to get past this one without a fight and a lot of ugly tears. My last baby is turning five. One whole handful.
Each of my beautiful babies are perfect. Perfect for the spaces they came to light up in our family. William-the first- we needed this boy in way I still can't fully see. He brought joyful light and humor. He brings compassion and empathy. He is kind and thoughtful beyond his years, and one or twice after too many supernatural episodes (and a bottle of wine) I ask him if he really is an angel sent to watch over us. Trust me- I could warrant full time observation of one of God's finest. He applies his darling smile and spreads out the word mom "mmmoooooommmmmmm" Then he throws this man of an arm over my somehow too soon too small shoulder. He is the first. He was the first to get on the school bus. He was the first I dressed up for a middle school dance. He will be the first I waltz with through giving them wings and letting them go, And yet...
My Rachel was-is -and will always be her own sparkle. I swore she was a boy.Right up to the moment she was delivered I asked Scott if it was a girl. The first of many, many things she has to fill me in on. She is my heart. She is my mini me. My heart. Everyday she forces me to look at things differently. She shows me goodness and danger. She is who I want to be if I ever grow up.
When Luke was born he didn't cry. I panicked and needed to see him The doctor was holding this precious perfect angel with gorgeous big brown eyes, and he was looking at me I took him, Kissed him. He just looked around. If Rachel is a spark, the Luke is the fire. He brings excitement. A new way to do things. A fast more dangerous adrenaline filled way, but a new one yet the same. Luke is the first one to say thank-you.. He runs out and carries groceries before anyone says anything. If Scott needs something shoveled, Luke is there. That's who he is. Waiting and Serving with a soft and tender heart as he every night gives me a hug and says "Good night mommy. I love you."
Bella is my firecracker. She is overflowing with passion and life. She does nothing half way. She laughs big and loves harder. She is loud, proud, and a fighter. That red hair of hers isn't just for show. If she has a point to be made you will know it with an extra dollop of sass and those hands on her hips. When you are with Bella, combing her hair, and listening to her talk, I feel like the student. We call Will and Bella the twins with their vocabulary, insightful ideas, and childlike goodness.
And Nicholas Paul Demi.
He is my heart, I knew he was my last I would feel kick from inside, try to stifle the hick-ups by eating carrots. The last contractions I could count. The last first hello. We scooped each other up and decided we would go out with a bang. Let him cuddle and sleep with me too long. Check  Hold his hand tighter. Laugh at him singing "the wreaking ball" song for the 100th time. I think so. I am going to let him be little for as long as it takes. He is my little buddy. He wants to go with me to the store so I take him. He likes to color in whatever room I am cooking in. He hasn't really discovered the "life" outside mom. As he grows and learns and changes....so am I, Saying goodbye to who I have been for a decade. While each accomplishment I will be cheering him on, but still holding my heart. Near or far, he will always be my heart. 
I love you Nicholas Paul more everyday. 
Happy 5th birthday!
Love you to the moon and back,

Friday, June 9, 2017

Starting summer off with a bang

          On the first full day of summer break I decided that I was going to show off my SAHM skills. I was going to make a lasagna. Sounded like a great idea at the time. I get out all of my ingredients. Put the meat on the stove to brown. Put a big pot of water to boil on for the noodles. Set up Pyrex casserole dish for the lasagna. I was standing at the stove stiring  the meat and remembered that I wanted to text Scott about my moms car. I walked into the living room. As soon as I got my phone out of the book bag, I heard an explosion. I feel like the entire world stopped moving. Should I run out with Nick? Should I see what was going on? Should I ever attempt to cook again? I went into the kitchen and saw an explosion of glass everywhere.
           Apparently, I had turned on the wrong burner. I turned on the burner under the Pyrex container and not the giant pot of water. The exploding glass went all over the place. AND it was hot. So hot in fact that it melted into the hideous carpet that is in the kitchen. So let look on the bright side. maybe new carpet quicker....huh-huh...?!  I chunk had been flung into a book bag on the floor and cut/torn/melted into the bag.
      Couple of things....1- The meat that was no the stove was covered in glass. Total waste of my defrosting skills. 2- Not even being melodramatic, but I am not sure what would have happened had I still been standing at that stove. 3. This is exactly why we should order pizza everyday   4. I made lasagna the next day with my moms dish, and it was amazing. At least the gluten eating people of the family thought so.
Happy Summer!

Friday, April 21, 2017

Friday Fun

Nick running into the living room

Me- Where are your pants
Nick- Oh sorry. I must have left them outside.

Saturday, January 14, 2017

He loves it!

I used to hate Monday and Wednesday. That was the day that Lucas had football practice. It was always a fight. He cried. I yelled. H went. I cried. I wanted him to be part of a team. I wanted him to experience that feeling of being part of something. Finally, two very long years later, we pulled the plug. Fine. You don't want to go? Fine. I am not signing you up.

Then he asked if he could join basketball. I was skeptical. I told him that he had to commit to going to the twice a week practices. He was not allowed to quit half way through the season. He had to finish what he started. He was all smiles and agreed. So I let him. Sigh inside and getting ready for the endless fight that would now take place on Tuesday and Thursday. BUT,,,,,

He loves it. He loves to go. Cried when he had to miss practice because of a snow storm. I tried to get him there and then had to turn around. He is dressed and ready an hour before practice starts. He is good at it. He listens to his coach and is trying to learn new things. He is brushing his teeth with his left hand because coach told them to practice using their less dominant hand. He loves it. I love watching him play.

I love seeing my children develop into the people they choose to be. I know nothing about basketball. I never played and my siblings never played. I never watch it. But yes I am the mother yelling loudly when our team get the ball. I yell when our kids get knocked over. I am screaming when Luke steals the ball and runs down the court.

So my sweet brown eye boy is a basketball player. Who would have thought?

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Happy New Year!

**Edit- You will notice his post will be published on 1-7-17. I started it on the 31st but you know..life, and kids, and cleaning (just kidding, and facebook)

Hello! One of my new years resolutions is to write again. Because I like it. And it makes me feel better. Frankly I don't even care if no one reads it. I am just putting it out in the universe. And frankly, if you do read it you will feel better about YOUR life. So let get started on the resolutions that are NOT going to happen...

1. Matching socks. Because just no. My mornings are bat shit crazy. 5 kids and 2 working adults. I'll take coffee with my side of insanity. Also, to have matching socks would have to mean someone has to match them. We don't have the money to hire someone for that. So looks like my kids are going to go with it. I frankly don't care if my socks match. As a matter of fact, if I am wearing socks when there is 2 feet of snow outside, I consider it a win. #truestory

2. Exercise. Well, in my head I would like to start walking more. But I can't do that until when I go outside the air stops hurting my face. No I am not "bundling up" and going. Because I would have to find a hat, scarf....gloves. Although I am certainly not against non-matching gloves...seriously. Its like we have disposable gloves at out house. Buying them at the dollar store cause you are going to wear them one time and then they disappear to the "I don't know where I last had them" gods.

3. Keep my car clean. Often known as "I don't no where I last had them" gods dwell. I lose my sh*t looking for the left shoe, and finally when I admit defeat and say I'll just carry him even if he is 4 1/2...I find the other shoe in the car. Seriously? How does this even happen? Who came out of the car with one shoe on and their mom didn't notice. Seriously.

4. Keeping up with laundry. I have 5 kids. Two adults also live here. Laundry? I think it adds to my decor.

5. Waking up earlier.
Funny minions not a morning person:

6. Drink less caffeine....see #5

7. Start saving money- This is one I should totally do. It anyone interested in giving me one hundred dollars a month I can put into a savings account? Anyone?

8. Remember my 6 million passwords for every freaking site that has their own special requirements. Who are you to tell me my password is "weak" and not let me use it? I'll decide what how strong my password is and I will use it if I so choose.

9. limit my kids screen time. That is so awesome if you are a mom who builds puzzles with the kids and come up with cool craft with toilet paper rolls. Listen, there are not a lot of perks with having five kids (see 7) One of my favorite is that they play together. Sometimes. Okay they scream in each others faces, slap each other, throw things at their sibling, scream mom, and suck out  my soul one broken piece at a time. Wait...what was I saying? Oh yeah, screen time. My kids turn into little zombies? loving it!

10. Stop swearing. stop drinking so much wine. stop eating past 7. Stop watching funny ass...oops. funny a** mom videos and feel better about my momness. Stop making up words like momness.

Happy New Year Everyone!

Sunday, January 1, 2017


Happy New Year!

* i got to eat huluski and pork and sauerkraut
* I got to see my family- Little and big ones
* made myself log in my 3 positive things

Monday, July 25, 2016

Summer 2016

Certainly not an accurate list of summer activities, but the best my facebook posts had to offer. I have to get the pics from my phone (which is shattered) to my computer. But its a start. '

I have no idea why the 12 year old pre-teen boy is embarrassed by his mother and father in public. 

Summer ice cream is the best ice cream

Scott at his birthday extravaganza . 

My brothers and sister and I. 

Spiderman or a close second

One of my favorite places

With some of my favorite things

At the beach. Nick and my niece Haivyn

At the beach...getting ice cream