The cucumber

The cucumber.....
The summer of 2009 I decided that I wanted to go to the beach. I have always loved the beach. I love the smell, the feel, the HEAT! Scott got on line and found us a beach house and away we went. Even at 33 weeks pregnant I had a nice time. When we arrived at our beach house, there was a basket of fake fruit and vegetables. You would have thought my children had struck gold. Forget all of the toys they had packed, smuggled, and dragged from home. No, no. They had fake apples and oranges to roll across the floor. And for some reason, my children took quite a liking to the cucumber. They fought over it. Brought it to the beach. Really it was no surprise when I was unpacking my daughter's suitcase and found the cucumber tucked in there.

And it has been a regular in the favorite toy pile. Not sure what it is really. But tonight when I was walking to the bathroom, I tripped on the cucumber. Normally after twisting my ankle and screaming in pain, I call for the kids to please not leave their toys outside my door. But tonight I picked up the cucumber and put it on my nightstand.

This may seem silly, but it makes me happy thinking of the trip. Remembering the sun and the smell of the ocean. Digging in the sand with the kids and laughing as the waves knocked us over. It gives me hope in this dreary month of January, that the sun will come again. So will sand castles and green grass. Although I do not like to skip over today's blessings, it is nice to think of the day with flip flops and tee-shirts. Perhaps I will keep the cucumber awhile to remind me.

Hello 2011

As the new year has arrived, I have a LIST of things I need to work on. I know that I have a number of things to work on. But as I look back on 2010, I can't help but feel blessed beyond measure. Sure things went wrong. In December alone, the stove blew up and the furnace fan stopped working. But a lot of things went right. I would like to start the new year by focusing on what I have been given.

1. My family- People are important. Not things. And as I have taught my children this simple truth over and over, I am proud to hear them repeat it to each other. I celebrated the end of 2010 with a lot of my family and extended family around me. I am beyond blessed. Going thought the Christmas season and seeing how many loving people we are surrounded by it more than amazing. I miss my dad everyday, but through that I loss I have learned to not take things for granted. Love each other today. My mom is remarkable. I have 4 siblings that bring such laughter and peace to me. My "other" brothers and sisters who I have been given through marriage and relationships. I am surrounded by people who love, support, and add more goodness into my life than most could imagine.

2. Our jobs. I love my job. I love what I do every single day. The children I work with make everyday special. They are amazing. And I can't say enough about the dedicated, loving, and whole hearted professionals I work with. I could not imagine working in another place. And thanks to God for blessing me with one of the most amazing people I have known. Truly she is my inspiration as a teacher. Her entire heart goes not only into her teaching but the people surrounding her. She is on of the most amazing moms I have ever know. Scott loves his job. He enjoys going and the people he works with. A blessing unimaginable. He feels that he is making an impact.

3. My health- After quite a year of stomach troubles, I can say that I am finally feeling a bit better. After being so sick for so long, the gift of health is something to be grateful for.

4. a home- Not just a house, but a home. A warm and inviting place where we can come to.

5. laughter- With a house full of children I can say that everyday is an adventure. And I love it. The joy and goodness that fills everyone of my days is unending.

Thank-you Lord for the gift of life. Thank-you for not just these things but all of the little blessings. I am sorry that I complain. I am sorry that on some days my vision is cloudy. Return to me the joy of my salvation. I pray that your hand would fall upon all of my family and friends this year. That we recognize your goodness and your grace. May we all seek your heart on 2011.

My kids

While we are trying to teach our children all about life,

Our children teach us what life is all about-

Angela Schwindt

I have tried several times to start typing about how thankful I am for my children, but each time I begin, I can't finish. I delete. I can't start. Because how can I put into words how truly grateful I am that God has placed these beautiful people in my life? That I could be trusted enough to hold this precious life in my hand? No words can express my gratitude.

Sometimes I look at them. Really look at them. I listen to William laugh and draw everyone in. Then he demonstrates how he can burp the entire alphabet with only one drink of water! I can see Rachel wrapping her arms protectively around her baby sister at a baby shower filled with people she doesn't know. Walking down the steps, covered in eye shadow and asking me what I think. I hear Luke saying "I wike (like) you mommy" and crawling on my lap for a story. Bella opening and closing her little fists and reaching for me. Laying her head down on me in her special place as I dance with her.

I get to keep them? Only for a little while. With this great blessing comes such responsibility it literally brings me to my knees. What will they remember? Will they know to always trust in God? Will they always be able to come to me with any question or problem? Will they always know they were my angels on earth? I guess only if I tell them. Each and everyday.

I am thankful for my kids.

Scott

My husband.
I am thankful for my husband.

Because he thinks and tells me I am beautiful no matter what.
Because he brings me coffee when he knows I need it.
Because he puts the kids in bed.
Because he prays for me.
Because he asks me what would make me happy.
Because he works hard to provide for our home.
Because he gets me a drink or medicine or whatever I ask for in the middle of the night.
Because he lets me have the heater on in the van even though he hates it.
Because he says get whatever you need.
Because he says I love you all of the time.
Because he leaves me little notes or messages.
Because he packs my lunch.
Because he brings me flowers.
Because he tells me that I am needed.

Blessed beyond measure.

Thankful

Each morning out principal gets on the speaker and gives us his "daily words of wisdom." Today he told a very powerful story. To paraphrase, a man was upset because he did not have shoes. On his walk toward town, he saw a man sitting along side the road who was play the most beautiful music. He began to dance. He called out to the man playing the music "why don't you get up and dance with me?" The man sitting replied " I would love to, but you see I have no feet." Actually, this was the second time we heard the story. When our principal was absent last Friday, the secretary had read this one already. But as I told the my kids "looks like we needed to hear that message one more time!"

Thankfulness. Thanksgiving (my 2nd favorite holiday). To take time to look at what you have and look away from all of the "wants" and "longings" we seem to focus on everyday. Many of us spend time tallying everything we don't have. When we start looking toward what we do have, a peace of heart, a gratefulness falls on us.

Today I am thankful for the one who first put the beat in my heart. To my God who loved me before I was ever formed in my mother. The one who sent His one and only Son to the cross for the sins I would make. To my Savior who loves me when I am unlovable. To the God who casts my sins as far as the east is from the west.

I am thankful for my Jesus, my God, and the gift of the Spirit the dwells within.

Halloween memories

I don't have a very good memory. When someone says "remember when..." I usually panic. Cause I don't. It is nothing against you or whatever happened "that one time." Really. That being said, the memories I do have usually come out quite strong.

One of the kids in school asked me if I like Halloween. "No, I hate it." I am just not a fan of scary stuff. I hate driving past houses and looking at spiders hanging on webs or creepy bloody faces peeking out from everywhere. Plus, people make me nervous. Trick or treating has always made me nervous. The students said " I bet you liked it when you were a kid." Which got me to thinking. I do remember liking the trick or treating part. But I have always hated the scary parts.

When I was a kid, it snowed. That I remember. I remember stepping over snow drifts to get to the houses. Always when picking out a costume you had to make sure you could fit your winter coat under it or had a mask at least when your winter coat was on the outside. I remember the town party we would have before hand. The kids walking in a circle to have their costumes judged. I remember my siblings and I running all over town. And having to dump our bags at least 2 times to fit all of the candy. I remember the huge silver bowl the candy sat in.

There are things that are blurry for me. I know we carved pumpkins. I don't remember much about it. I remember my mom digging in the pumpkins. I could not tell you one Halloween costume I ever wore. Or one piece of candy I ever got.

Then I think about creating memories with my own crew. We carved pumpkins. I HATE carving pumpkins. But they love it. I let them draw whatever face they wanted. Scott carved them. We dug out the seeds. Cleaned up the mess. Scott takes them door to door usually with my mom. I stay home and hand out candy.

I sometimes wonder what will stick. I will live if Rachel never remembers that she was wonder woman for Halloween or if Luke can't recall me digging out his pumpkin guts after he declare it "yuck" and moved on. But I hope they remember joy in their childhood. I hope they remember some fun and laughter.

guess

Will and I have a couple of games we play together while driving to school. One game is guess the number. He says "mommy, I am thinking of a number between 1 and 10." And I guess and guess. Then we switch places.

Today when we were playing, I couldn't get it. I think the very last number it could be was his number. Will said "Mommy, the number was 6. Like my age. How could you not guess that?" When it was my turn I picked 4 (for the number of children I have). I thought for sure it would be his first guess. Or at least his second. He had to be able to read my mind. Funny thing was- he didn't get it. And I was sure his next guess would be it! Actually he "forgot" about 4. He got so concerned that he yelled out 11 in desperation. When I pointed out 11 is not in between 1 and 10 he laughed like crazy and told me he knew that but thought maybe I had become a cheater.

After I dropped him off and I was driving to work myself, I thought about how funny it is that I sometimes think that people can read my mind. It is often a common plight among women and men. He should have known. The men answer with "how could I have known. Why didn't you tell me?" In which case we answer "you should have known."

To be honest I am quite content that know one knows all my thoughts and feelings. And I bet you are too. But if I am unhappy because someone doesn't "know" what I want or need then why not ask. It certainly makes more sense. Then we all know what is going on. What we all want and need.

Today (and tomorrow) I am going to ask.