Halloween memories

I don't have a very good memory. When someone says "remember when..." I usually panic. Cause I don't. It is nothing against you or whatever happened "that one time." Really. That being said, the memories I do have usually come out quite strong.

One of the kids in school asked me if I like Halloween. "No, I hate it." I am just not a fan of scary stuff. I hate driving past houses and looking at spiders hanging on webs or creepy bloody faces peeking out from everywhere. Plus, people make me nervous. Trick or treating has always made me nervous. The students said " I bet you liked it when you were a kid." Which got me to thinking. I do remember liking the trick or treating part. But I have always hated the scary parts.

When I was a kid, it snowed. That I remember. I remember stepping over snow drifts to get to the houses. Always when picking out a costume you had to make sure you could fit your winter coat under it or had a mask at least when your winter coat was on the outside. I remember the town party we would have before hand. The kids walking in a circle to have their costumes judged. I remember my siblings and I running all over town. And having to dump our bags at least 2 times to fit all of the candy. I remember the huge silver bowl the candy sat in.

There are things that are blurry for me. I know we carved pumpkins. I don't remember much about it. I remember my mom digging in the pumpkins. I could not tell you one Halloween costume I ever wore. Or one piece of candy I ever got.

Then I think about creating memories with my own crew. We carved pumpkins. I HATE carving pumpkins. But they love it. I let them draw whatever face they wanted. Scott carved them. We dug out the seeds. Cleaned up the mess. Scott takes them door to door usually with my mom. I stay home and hand out candy.

I sometimes wonder what will stick. I will live if Rachel never remembers that she was wonder woman for Halloween or if Luke can't recall me digging out his pumpkin guts after he declare it "yuck" and moved on. But I hope they remember joy in their childhood. I hope they remember some fun and laughter.

guess

Will and I have a couple of games we play together while driving to school. One game is guess the number. He says "mommy, I am thinking of a number between 1 and 10." And I guess and guess. Then we switch places.

Today when we were playing, I couldn't get it. I think the very last number it could be was his number. Will said "Mommy, the number was 6. Like my age. How could you not guess that?" When it was my turn I picked 4 (for the number of children I have). I thought for sure it would be his first guess. Or at least his second. He had to be able to read my mind. Funny thing was- he didn't get it. And I was sure his next guess would be it! Actually he "forgot" about 4. He got so concerned that he yelled out 11 in desperation. When I pointed out 11 is not in between 1 and 10 he laughed like crazy and told me he knew that but thought maybe I had become a cheater.

After I dropped him off and I was driving to work myself, I thought about how funny it is that I sometimes think that people can read my mind. It is often a common plight among women and men. He should have known. The men answer with "how could I have known. Why didn't you tell me?" In which case we answer "you should have known."

To be honest I am quite content that know one knows all my thoughts and feelings. And I bet you are too. But if I am unhappy because someone doesn't "know" what I want or need then why not ask. It certainly makes more sense. Then we all know what is going on. What we all want and need.

Today (and tomorrow) I am going to ask.