My buddy Max

"Faith is not the belief that God will do what you want. It is the belief that God will do what is right."- Max

"He saw you cast into a river of life you didn't request. He saw you betrayed by those you love. He saw you with a body that gets sick and a heart that grows weak. He saw you in your own garden of gnarled trees and sleeping friends. He saw you staring into the pit of your own failures and the mouth of your own grave. He saw you in your own garden of Gethsemane and he didn't want you to be alone ... He would rather go to hell for you than to heaven without you." Max

When I lived in South Carolina, my sister in law and I would listen to the christian radio station on the way to and from work. One of the speakers that would pop up would be Charles Stan*ley. Jenn would say "my friend chuck says...." We laughed cause no we didn't know chuck (Mr. Stanley) but when we heard him talk it was like we were friends. In our crazy mixed up mind. I thought of this when my mom brought up an author she was reading...my buddy Max.

I love love love Max Lucado. Just a side note- in school every time I say this (love love love) my kiddos say "as much as you love books Mrs. Demi?" Cause I told them how much I LOVE books. No matter what I say "of course not! I love books the mostest." But I get a two for one here. My Max WRITES books. So I win.

My Christian book I read was written by my Max. When God Whispers Your Name. I still love that title. What I love about my Max is that he takes things that others make so difficult and puts it into words we get and understand. He helps us to see Jesus as loving us. He pulls away all teh red tape and simply says come to me. I like that.

I like simple.

.2

That is how close (far) I am away from a 10 pound weight loss. I should be happy. But I have not worked out all week (cause I can't breath still!) and I think about what I might have lost. And I guess I am just frustrated cause I see the goal on top (still 7.4 away), my starting point. That is where I was when I got pregnant with Rachel and Bella. I don't want to be there. I wasn't happy there. But I guess I could be 10 (9.8) pounds heavier. And I plan to keep going. As soon as I can breath.

Happy Birthday Dad

I miss you

I stayed home

I go to work. All- the-time. So when my husband called on his way home from night shift on Friday morning and I told him I called off, he asked if I needed to go to the hospital. And I considered it. Thursday night I went to bed not feeling good. Then came the night of hell. I couldn't breath, I couldn't stand, I couldn't roll over. Thank-you sweet heaven that my mom had spent the night. Cause the next day, I just kept trying to sleep to escape the pain and the sick. I called the doctor and she said he wasn't in today. She must have heard the despair/death in my voice cause she said she would try to find him and get him to call something in. I had class today. And my chest burned and I was so tired, but I am cheap and I wasn't wasting 115 dollars. So I went.

In other news, Bella is rolling all over the place. She has also fallen to the bronchitis bug, and is now on her first anti-biotic. Will had to miss school on Friday cause I couldn't walk to the bathroom for crying out loud, forget getting him to the bus stop. Is "mom was dying" a valid school excuse? It hasn't snowed in 24 hours (knock on all the wood I can find).

Now I must go and sleep...oh wait...Scott is on night shift.. :(

Did you know... (with update)

that is a lot of infection in there? says my oral surgeon. I figured. Saturday morning I paid him a visit. I had my two left wisdom teeth taken out about a year and a half a go. At the time I asked if I should get them all out. "not necessary" I heard from the good doctor. About a month ago my right side of my neck began to swell bad. But I had no cold symptoms. Then my ear started to hurt. In my "nodes" there was "a lot of infection" from my wisdom teeth. "Why didn't we take these out last time?" the Dr asked me. I just shrugged. He also said you have flat teeth. Do you know you are grinding your teeth. Yep. And your TMJ is clicking really bad. I bet you have some joint damage. I bet that is causing you more problems that these wisdom teeth. So good news from the oral surgeon. I am scheduled to get them out in March.

And today I am taking all 4 kids to the Dr. Since I am off I figured why not? ;) But the coughing and snot is getting bad. At least Scott is home so we can ALL go together. And then Scott and I have eye appointments that were suppose to be done in November! That is what we do on our days off around here. Fit in appointments.

Since I am on 2000 mg of Pen. for my "lots of infection" I have not been feeling good. So I skipped my running for three days. I have decided to start back today. I may make it. I may not. Time to find out!

UPDATE** 4 out of the 6 of us are on antibiotics. Baby and Scott are still holding on. And we are expecting to get dumped on again by the snow. I am hoping for delay or cancel. I just don't want to drive on these roads again. So tired of it!

childhood

Childhood is a magical place. And when you spend that childhood with one wonderful friend, it makes it all the more full of joy. I had quite the best friend growing up. She was the one who I went puddle jumping with. The one I built castles in the sky with- ok it was a two story tree house but to us it was a castle. We learned how to ride bikes together and reinvented "glue" as mad scientists. As we got older our friendship changed. She was the one I called and cried with. We ate cheese cake until we thought we might puke. We laughed over our "horrible" childhood pictures.

As we got older, we went to different schools. Lost contact. Then we ran into each other again. And picked up where we left off. Telling stories of our unforgettable hometown and the people we loved there. And today she became a mom. A beautiful, strong, amazing mom.

I know that she will be the best mom. A loving mom. A mom dedicated to her kid (s) the same way she is dedicated to everyone she loves. I am so happy and proud of her. And I look at pictures of this new little treasure laying on his mommy's chest and think "how does my mud pie buddy have a baby?" And then I realize that I guess we aren't in Kansas anymore. We are mommies. We are grown ups.

To Joel. To his childhood. And may he find a friendship as wonderful and faithful as I have found in his mommy.

snow, snow, sigh

Snow.....That about sums it up. The snow is higher than my porch. I have sat down to write a couple of times but just feel blah. I feel like my mind is a jumble. I hate the snow. So depressing. We had 2 snow days this week. I won't get into the fact that on Monday I got stuck and dug myself (and the 4 kids) out with an ice scrapper. My husband has suffered enough- hahahaha. Actually I still had three strangers shovel and push me out...

Which brings me to being stuck again this morning. It was just me and Will. Will says "so what are we going to do?" I said "call your dad." He says " Don't call him! He is sleeping! Let's calls those 3 guys again." hahahaha Didn't want to get his dad out of bed. Needless to say, I called. Seems I was plowed in. And hit the snow bank. Scott wasn't happy. What can I say.

V-day is this weekend of course. I hate this "holiday." Like we need some stupid day to remind us to tell people we love them? Not a fan. Maybe because it is in February? I am not of fan of this month either.

At weigh in today I lost another 1.2 pounds. Yes I must count the .2. That brings my total to...drum roll.... 7 pounds. In 4 weeks. I am not excited. Maybe cause I am working my butt off. So..much...running. At least I am moving forward. And my fitness guru (aka bff Amanda) says that my body is going to really start shedding the pounds. Yep, any day now.

And just because she is MUCH cuter to look at than the snow...and I am tired of complaining.

snow day

Will- "Holy Guacamoly! We are never going to leave the house again!"
(after looking out at the mounds of snow this morning)
*************************************************
Rachel wanted a rock star tattoo on her. She had left overs from her Hann*ah Mon*tanna valentines. Scott goes to put the guitar on her arm. "Not there Daddy. Here." Right beside her belly button. Nice.
***********************************************
Scott put Luke down for a nap. Forgot he wears diapers to sleep. Will went to get him and came back saying "He is covered in milk." It wasn't milk.
*************************************************
Bella misses me so much she has to wake up every hour now at night to tell me so.
************************************************
I went to Bi*Lo with my mom. I noticed I was limping. Actually I was limping all day. I just didn't take the time to look at my shoe. I looked. My heel was broken. I also don't have time to pee during the day. I think I also have a UTI...
******************************************************
BUT it is not all bad..... Scott took a personal day because of the snow. That was nice. Our taxes should be done on Tuesday. I bought some fabulous new jammies (that I am wearing now) at walmart. 3 people commented this week that it looks like I am losing weight.

So I am going to make myself (or convince Scott to) make me some tea and curl up on the couch and watch the boys play lego In*diana Jo*nes. That is a nice evening...

night shift...blah

I hate night shift. Yes, I still teach kindergarten. No we haven't started night classes. Scott works night shifts on occasion. And when he is on night shift I always get a new respect for single moms (and dads) out there. People often ask me (quite often actually) "how do I do it with all those kids?" And I answer them "with a good drink and a prescription refill." Just kidding. Calm down. But the truth is I could never do it without my mom and Scott. I will talk about how awesome my mom is another day...but right now I am complaining.

Scott does a lot with the kids when he is home. Dare I say, perhaps as much as me. Perhaps more at the actual bedtime. Plus there is the whole Rachel only listens to her "best friend." So I miss adult conversations. I miss the extra hand or two. And I am just plain grumpy. That being said I couldn't be more grateful for the job he has. He loves it. It rocks. And so I sleep alone tonight. Who am I kidding? I will be covered in children.

Tonight I made scrambled eggs and bacon for dinner for them. I on the other hand ate a healthy choice. Which wasn't too bad except for the nasty apple crisp. And man was I excited about the apple crisp..boo!

Now I am off to bath the kids, get in my workout video (day 15, 1/2 way! yeah!), shower, get them all in bed, and then work on work stuff. And try not to freeze! No coal fire when daddy is away...boo...

ps- I went to walmart today and only spend 4 dollars!!! I NEVER go in there and spend less than my paycheck! ha!