So...it seems that the hospital I had originally scheduled my test for doesn't really do THAT test. They only do part of it. As I sit in the blood draw chair after having fasted for hours and waiting for all of this to be over. After many "I am so sorry" and instructions to call other area hospitals to see who DOES do the test, I was left standing on the sidewalk with my husband. Not sure if it was time to cry or scream. I decided to treat myself to a muffin top and an ice coffee. Which I paid dearly for later but seemed like an appropriate response at the time.
I called around and of course no local hospital does the test. I had to schedule it for Pittsburgh. 2 weeks later. Now that I cried about. It is not the best thing, this being chronically ill. I just wish I had a name to put beside what it plaguing me. Maybe then I would be ok.
Not ok, perhaps in "I can eat what I want and be fine way." But in the way where I could give myself a break. Where I could stop wondering what exactly is wrong inside of me. Where I can stop wondering about the future. Where I could find a treatment that actually helps me.
I am now one week out from my test. This doesn't guarantee me much either. Another shot in the dark. But I had to leave work on Thursday because of the pain. I went to my moms. To take my pills and sleep. To cry into my pillow and wait. Of course mom let me sleep and watched the 2 babies. My other big ones got of the bus and soon after I was ok and we headed home.
When I was waiting for Scott to get there my phone rang. A woman I work with called to see how I was. She told me she had left something outside of my house for me. After we hung up, I went to get it. A beautiful card and gift. Telling me how everyone was praying for me and thinking of me. I can't say how touched I was. Tearing up I called my mom and then Scott to tell them how blessed I am to work where I do. To have the kind of friends there that I do. People who stand beside you and truly want to offer help when you need it.
Today, Saturday morning, I slept in. When the baby got up I went to get him. I brought him to my bed where Miss Bella had already spent most of the night. We laughed and played. Soon Luke came in and the other three trailed soon after. We talked and played. They started up their video game and I played hide and seek with the baby. This morning I was thankful.
If anything this mess has taught me, it is to be thankful for today. To look for reasons to be thankful and happy. I know we have seen the message "Today is a gift" a thousand times. But it is true. What you are given today is really a gift! Things in your life are amazing if you look. I woke up this morning. And I wasn't sick. I slept through the night. My husband went to the dollar store to buy dishwasher stuff and brought me back chocolate. Life is good. Really good.
I need to remember and focus on that. That in all the messiness of it all, life it truly a gift. The good and the bad. Even when the bad teaches us to reach outside ourselves for help and comforting. I am blessed.
If you would, say a prayer for Friday. That perhaps this test may pinpoint the issue. That the drive there will be managable. That my husband would get some rest. That my mom and sisters wouldn't worry so much! Prayers for health and happiness to all of my friends and family praying for me. I do appriciate it more than words could say.