Monday, April 23, 2012

Collecting manna

     When I was a kid, I was convinced that I was going to die of cancer. For one thing, I was born in July. Do you know the "sign" for July is cancer. Certainly a sign from above. Also, I had bumps (tumors) everywhere. I thought that my bruises were come more regularly than they should and staying longer. My elementary school diagnosis- cancer. I of course couldn't tell my mom. She would be devastated that her first born child was dying so young. I knew she would take me to the doctor which would only confirm it for me. True Story.
As I got older I would focus on other things to worry about. I was like chicken little with the sky always falling. Worse case scenarios were a way of life and I was certain disaster was around the bend. Life moved on and gave me more to add to my worrying list. A husband, children, and other responsibilities. Then when my dad was so quickly taken away due to a massive heart attack, I was sure everyone around me was dying.
     I was terrified my mom would be next. I remember trying to call her one morning and not being able to get ahold of her. After 25 calls later, I was getting the kids dressed and packed up to drive to her house. Trying to talk myself in being strong if we found her gone. Thankfully, she called before we left the house. She was grocery shopping. I frantically informed her that if she is leaving the house she had to call me! Ahem. I remember pulling over one day in the van when Scott was following me in the truck. I was sobbing and he quickly came to the front of the van. "What am I going to so when something happens to her (mom)?" I said. Scott of course tried to tell me that my mom was fine. Everything is ok.
But what am I going to do when something happens to her?
     Because this world is filled with trouble and cares. Things happen we could never see or plan for. Our plans become side railed and we are taken on a journey we never anticipated.
When I read the quote from above, I think it certainly spoke to me. I can't carry around what might be tomorrow in today. It makes me think of that story from the old testament when God told the people he would provide for them everyday with manna from heaven. And every morning He would provide. Yet, some STILL tried to gather what was left and store it...just in case. And it would mold and have maggots every night. I would have been one of those gathering with a basket.
     This certainly isn't a story as to how I have over come my struggle with worry or anxiety. But it is a story of how today when my mind wondered ...over there....and I began to struggle with "what ifs.." I stopped it. I prayed. All I said was "God, I know you love me. I know you have a plan. Holy Spirit, please help my focus."
     That doesn't mean the war is over. My struggle continues. But I do know truly who holds tomorrow. I know that the Bible says today has enough worry of its own. I know that today I have a choice.

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