Dancing in the Rain: Right or Left

My dad was not a patient man. A funny man? Yep. A stubborn man? Definitely. A man who could fix any car problem I had and squeeze wine from water. Sure. But patient he was not.

My dad taught me how to drive. The first day I had my permit, my dad was trying to convince me to get into the car in our driveway. “No,” I told him. “I am not ready.” “You have your permit. That means you’re ready. Get in the car.” – (language cleaned up. You are welcome.) He told me that I didn’t have to go anywhere, but I just had to pull forward and backward in the driveway. I should have known better since this was the same man who ALWAYS said “I am not going to pull it. I just want to see how loose it is.” AND every time he would yank out my tooth. The man was not to be trusted. I got in the car and he climbed in beside me. After a slight panic attack, I got the car in gear and very lightly pushed on the gas. I pulled to the top of the driveway. “Ok, now just pull onto the road,” he said in a very calm voice. “No way dad! I am not doing it. You said I didn’t have to!” After a fun screaming session back and forth, I did pull onto the road. Cruising the streets of Bakerton at a cool 5 miles per hour and praying that I wouldn’t kill us both.

One day, my dad came to pick me up at the high school. He got out of the car and told me that I would drive home. I wasn’t happy, but I got in the car and buckled up. I, unlike my father, has no problem accepting my weaknesses and knew that the buckle was the only thing standing in between me and ever seeing the light of day. We pulled up to the red light in the next town over. I Stop. My dad tells me to take a right turn. The light turns green, and I start to make a right. “RIGHT THERESA,” he screamed at me. “I am!” I yelled right back.” “You are going left I said RIGHT!” He grabbed the wheel and saved us from crashing to our death- or making my dad’s insurance go up which is the same as sudden death.

You see, even when I was a kid, I would mix up left and right. I don’t know why. I would always have to make the “L” shape with my thumb and pointer finger to figure it out. As a 17 year old drive,r I guess I still had similar problems. I would like to say this was a one-time occurrence, howeve, it wasn’t. The next time this happened and we got into a screaming match, I told him that I get confused. From now on he had to say bracelet or watch. The watch was on my left wrist and the bracelet was on my right. “Are you serious right now?” “Yes,” I started to cry which is dad kryptonite. “I feel overwhelmed and confused, and you just have to say watch or bracelet!” He sat in silence, probably wondering why his high honor student could write a 20 page research paper but can’t get left and right. But he started to say it. It was the tears I think.

The day of my test, my dad took me up and told me good luck. The instructor got in. It didn’t go well. At one point, the instructor told me to turn right. I thought I did until he began to yell “I said RIGHT! This is a one way street!” Apparently, my driving instructor missed the “watch or bracelet memo.” We got back and the instructor got out and walked back into the building. Dad asked me what happened. I burst into tears and told him that he said right and I went left! Then I was on the wrong street and in the wrong lane. I cried the whole way home and my dad tried to calm me down. He told me not to worry about it and I would do better next time. It was the tears- Dad kryptonite I tell ya. For my next chance he took me to a different center where I just had to drive around a block basically. No risky things like saying left or right to confuse me.

At 38, I am not much better at taking directions as I was as a 17 year old. I am not talking about basic driving instructions. Although I have been know a time or two to have my GPS yell at me “recalculating” because HE missed the wrist or bracelet memo. Plus I don’t wear either anymore. I am talking about the which path should I take questions? What I am suppose to be doing in this big, vast world? Am I in the right place? Should I stay or move on? Am I where I was meant to be? Am I the only one who sometimes feel like they are stumbling around in the dark?

Psalm 25:4-5

Show me the right path, O Lord

Point out the road for me to follow.

Lead me by your truth and teach me

For you are the God who saves me.

All day long I put my hope in you.

Let’s be honest here. I have no idea where I am going. BUT I do know who I can ask, which is better than a GPS. I can stop, breath, and ask God to show me where I should step. When I should backup. When a U-turn or recalculation is needed. I ask my Father which way do I go? I find myself a quiet place and say simple prayers. “Jesus, which way should I go. Give me the desires of Your heart. Make the things that move Your heart, shift mine. Let all the things that are not You drop away. Guide me Lord.”

Then I let it go and watch. I look for reminders and encouragement that I am going in the right direction. If I feel uneasy and this path is going against what I know to be true, I turn around. How I wish I was like the psalmist and could say “My steps have stayed on your path. I have not wavered from following you. “ Psalm 17:5 I am a work in progress. I have no doubt that sometimes I may end up going the wrong way down a one way street, but I also know that my co-pilot will get me right on track.

Isaiah 42:16 says “"I will lead the blind by a way they do not know, In paths they do not know I will guide them I will make darkness into light before them And rugged places into plains These are the things I will do, And I will not leave them undone." I am claiming that. He will make my darkness light and will smooth out my path. I just have to keep walking and asking for the light.

On the plus side at least the Bible has mercy on my right and left confusion.