Miracle in the Mountain

I took my elementary size finger and followed the wood grains in the pew. I would trace and jump from one set of lines to the other. Sometimes I would try to make pictures out of the different lines and swirls. As I traced over a particular steep slope, the priest came to a scripture in the homily (gospel reading) that gave me pause.

Matthew 17:20 English Standard Version (ESV)

20 He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”[a

In my child’s mind, I pictured Jesus saying to the mountain move, and in a cartoon like fashion, with a face on the mountain at all, the mountain jumps up and moves over a couple feet. I chuckled out loud. Mom gave me a look, and I stared to silently trace the pattern again.

 Last summer at a prayer meeting, I felt this verse rise up in a prayer. No longer did I see the big cartoon. This time I saw the REAL mountains.  Death. Cancer. Depression. Addiction. Abuse. More fearsome than any storm the mountain weather could throw at you. As I began to pray on this verse, I saw it in such a new light. If we have faith God can move our mountain, He does. Not always in the way we expect or on the choices we so carefully outline for Him, but move it He will.

He moves MOUNTAINS. He moves the things that seemed rooted to the foundation of the earth. He parts the oceans with a breath. To us that is the real miracle- making supernatural things happen in this natural world. But that doesn’t come close to the miracle of a family reunited after the pain of drug addiction. To the miracle of a healing treatment for the cancer that seemed unstoppable. For the gift of forgiveness offered in a situation where the very thought seemed impossible at the time. A hand offered, a heart softened, a soul redeemed. There is the miracle in the mountain.

Toliets and Tootsie rolls

God spoke to me yesterday while I was cleaning the toilet.

"Let me explain...no it is too much, Let me sum up."*** Bonus points for naming that movie.

There is a thing with me and God with tootsie rolls. I just found this clip from my journal about a year ago....
"So....Rachel had tootsie roll lollops the other day. I remembered that I used to love those and had not had them in such a long time. On Friday I asked Scott to stop in at the dollar store and get me some. He came back and handed a bag of lollipops...with gum in the middle. Not tootsie rolls. :(

I was so disappointed. Scott said he had search for the tootsie roll ones but couldn't find any. That Sunday my Pastor did a message about God seeing us. Knowing the intimate details of our life. Showing up in places we didn't picture Him. After church when I was gathering up my stuff, I was thinking how awesome it would be for God to really see you and call you. My mom walked up to me and simply handed me 3 tootsie rolls. I had today her nothing of this story. She said she had them and wanted to know if I wanted them. I laughed out loud because I know my God has a sense of humor."

Back to my bathroom. Yesterday I was cleaning  and as moms of boys know, this is no quick wipe and go job. It is a full out mission. Scrub and scrub some more. So I was on scrub number two and I was listening to praise music. Because doesn't everyone listen to praise music while scrubbing urine off the floor. The song that was playing was "Give me Faith" by Elevation Worship.

As I have been feeling overwhelmed lately, worship helps center me. How great to realize the sun doesn't rise and set on me and my victories or failures? That the sun will rise tomorrow (probably) even when the night seems darkest. So here are the lyrics to this song I was singing along with

I need you to soften my heart
And break me apart
I need you to open my eyes
To see that You're shaping my life

All I am, I surrender

Give me faith to trust what you say
That you're good and your love is great
I'm broken inside, I give you my life

I need you to soften my heart
And break me apart
I need you to pierce through the dark
And cleanse every part of me

All I am, I surrender

Give me faith to trust what you say
That you're good and your love is great
I'm broken inside, I give you my life

'Cause I may be weak
But Your spirit strong in me
My flesh may fail
My God you never will 

And then I swear (as true as I want to get to heaven as my mom would say) I found this in my bathroom. 

I don't remember the last time I had a tootsie roll. Or my kids either for that matter. Although is has been too long since I scrubbed down the bathroom (including walls), it hasn't been that long. Where did the wrapper come from? Sometimes I believe God sends us these little reminders that He is there. I do not have a God who is in some far off place who has set the world in motion and then said good luck. I serve a God who knows my heart. Who walks with me in sure times and doubt. Who rejoices with me in good times and cries in bad. This little symbol reached out to me and reminded me that "I may be weak, but Your Spirit is strong in me. My flesh my fail, My God You never will." Through it all, He is shaping me and my life into what it should be day by day and lesson by lesson. I teared up a little when I saw the wrapped and smiled. Closed my fist around it and squeezed. 

Get up and fight

As He went along , he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples ask him, "Rabbi who sinned? This man or his parents that he was born blind?" "Neither this man or his parents sinned, said Jesus " but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life."...Having said this he spit on the ground and made some mud with saliva , and put it on the man's eyes. "Go," he told him wash in the pool of Siloam (Sent)So the man went and washed and came back seeing."

John 9:1-3,6-7

Then news travels fast. People knew this man was born in affliction and something or someone reached into that hell and pulled him out. They saw real change and needed to know where he found it. Everyone wants the magic elixir to take away all their woes and fix it all. I am not alchemist, but you can look to all the ends of the earth and there is no such potion.

"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't no sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it." Rocky Balboa

A question a lot of people often ask in a tragedy is "If God is so wonderful, why did He allow this to happen?"  Before I share my findings, I don't want to minimize the pain people who are in a tragic situation are feeling. It hurts and is unfair. I assure you that the destruction that takes place in this world breaks His heart as well. BUT, the Bible very clearly says that this is not our home. We don't belong here and to that I say "AMEN!" Also, God loves us so much that He will never force anything on anyone. Good or bad, even if it breaks His heart, he allows us to make our own choices. Even, if it quite literally kills Him.

Because we live in a broken and fallen world, bad things happen. Some based on our own choices and some because of others choices. Sometimes it is no ones choice and unavoidable. Pain, disappointment, and scars will come. What can we do with it? How can I use this pain and turn it into good. How can I take this particular situation and bring glory to the God of the universe that gives me the strength to not only stand, but stand firm. To not only walk, but fly with the wings of eagles.

When the darkness comes, you have three options. You can run. This never ends well because darkness can move faster than you. You can laid down and give up. Another idea that never really produces the results you want. Or you can fight. The only catch is that I am not strong enough to fight. Heck, I can’t even stand well on my own with a strong breeze coming my way. But I found the answer!

1 John 4:4 New Living Translation (NLT)

⁴ But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.

I will not be swallowed by darkness. I believe that it is darkest right before the morning comes. These aren’t just pretty words and feel good emotions. This is truth. How do I apply this truth.

1. Believe it. Tell yourself. Remind yourself daily, hourly, minute by minute if you have to that you are deeply loved by the creator. God loved you so much that he would go to hell for you than be in heaven without you. He took the wrath of darkness on Himself so you didn’t have to. He stood between you and death and would not let it take you. He had fire in His eyes, but an endless love in His spirit. Say it out loud. I am loved.

2. Throw out that trash the enemy is telling you. You are worthless or not loved? I don’t think so. Jesus went to the cross for me. Things will never change? I have the Resurrecting power of Christ in me. When those negative thought come, do not give them soil to grow in. You kick that trash to the desert.

3. You walk in that TRUTH. I believe in God’s grace and mercy, and I will not be a prisoner to my past mistakes. I believe God has a plan for my life and I will take one step and make one decision at a time and I will walk forward.

The best miracles are birthed through pain. The best endings are victories while fighting the most vicious foe. God says your story isn’t over and He will not let you be snatched from His hand. Dig deep. Go to the quietest corner of your world and tell Jesus that you are going to walk it out with Him. Hold out your hand and say let’s do this. Because I have places to be and the world to change. God, only through you can I walk through flames of defeat and the smoke of failure. Take my hand and let’s walk. May people see the power of Christ in me through the pain and situations of this world. God, help me to walk through the darkness and bring light to those who need it.

Perfection

           

When I was a kid, I would spend hours and hours trying to best this game. For those of you who might not have had the pleasure of playing this game, the objective is simple. Get all of the pieces in place before the timer goes off and the board pops up, throwing the pieces everywhere. I was terrible at this game. As soon as the timer would begin, each tick would vibrate through my soul. Sometimes I would freeze up, and wouldn’t be able to put one piece in. Sometimes I would start off strong and think I for sure got it, and then pop! All the pieces would come spilling out. I never remember ever getting it.

            Adult life is a lot like this. Striving for perfection. Laying all the pieces out. Hearing the ticking time bomb. Not making it in time and watching all the pieces bounce and clank. Got that mom piece in, now looking for where I put the wife one. Got teacher, sister, and daugher in place, but that reflect Jesus piece slipped out of my hand and rolled under the fridge.

            I may never get all my pieces in line at the same time this side of eternity. That is ok. There is no perfection. Sometimes I feel like everyone else has all their pieces in and are just sitting there with no ticking, and no weird shaped pieces, and no one screaming that the cheese pizza has green specks which you try to explain is flavoring but they are never eating pizza again….

            I need to learn to give myself some grace and a break. Some Days I may be on a roll ( It may happen..) and other days I may have trouble getting the game out of the box or maybe missing a few pieces. That is ok! I am ok! I also know that the One who created the flowers, thunderstorms, and rainbows is also directing my path and helping the pieces to fall in place. I never got this, but I know that WE do. That assurance is worth all the successes, failures, and victories on the way.

IT'S NOT HER FAULT!

Bella- Mom, the tooth fairy is not real. 
me- Why would you say that?
Bella- one time Luke put a tooth under his pillow and it took the toothfairy forever to put a dollar under the pillow. 
me- Look, just because the toothfairy is an incompetent hot mess doesnt make her any less real.
I may need this on a T-shirt