Wednesday, February 16, 2011

selfishness

I am just getting over the worst flu of my life. You know it is bad when I go to the hospital. AND I missed work.

But I will get to that. Scott and I, thanks to family, got to attend our 3rd Weekend to Remember Marriage conference. I can not express how amazing these retreats are. I learned so much. One of the most impacting things I learned is how selfish I am.

This might not seem like such an awesome revelation to some, but to me it made sense. We are all born selfish. We will all die selfish. No one wants to give up their own time, money, or biggest piece of the pie. Naturally we want it all for ourselves. All of us. That doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you human. Getting married doesn't change that. It just puts us in closer proximity to someone who is constantly reminding us that they want pie too.

What causes us to give up what we want? Loving another. Not that first you are so prefect and I could stare in your eyes forever love. But the kind of love my husband has continued to show me over this past 24 hours.

I came home from work yesterday SICK. To make a long story short, I had the flu. And didn't make it to the toilet. He cleaned up my puke because I couldn't even stand. At 10:00 pm he took me to the ER to get fluids, and meds to stop me from puking up stomach bile, and then slept on a chair as the fluids so slowly dripped because I was too dehydrated to find a proper vein. And when I complained how cold my arm was because I had to hold it out of the blankets he covered my arm with his and stayed in that awkward position for another hour. When we finally got home (and got my amazing brother off the couch as he had stayed with the kids) I went right up to bed. I heard Scott down fixing the fire. He let me sleep in and has been taking care of the kids all day. He called off of work so I can sleep. He took Rachel to dance and took the baby too so I could rest and is picking up dinner at McD's.

Did he want to do any of this? I told him thanks for being so good to me. All he ever says is that it is his job to take care of me. He just felt bad that I was feeling so bad.

That is love. Not chocolates, or flowers, or diamonds. Not Happy Valentines day cards that Hallmark has written about our beautiful love. Love is putting another's needs ahead of your own when you don't feel like it. When you really don't wanna. Love is pushing back your own selfish I want and I deserves and placing that gift of God (your spouse) in front.

I have so much to learn.

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